Bittersweet Symphony
by xX-Misty
Summary: While Alex and Gene are dealing with dealers fighting for supremacy in London the news that a young PC James Keats has awoken from his coma in 1997 is the last thing they need. Good and evil fight for the right to take care of him but will he be healed of his fury or helped on his path to destruction? Either way, PC James isn't the only young Keats the team need to worry about.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"How old are you?"

"I'm twenty nine."

"Oh, _bollocks_ you are!"

"Twenty nine and a half!"

Alex gave Gene a withering look.

"Even if that was true you are still too old for an advent calendar," Alex admonished.

"It's got chocolate in it," Gene told her as though that excused everything.

"That doesn't make it any better!" Alex told him, laughing just a little at his miserable expression. She snatched the festive fare from him and examined it. "It doesn't even have a snowman on this."

"It's got a robin," Gene told her.

"Oh _now_ I see," Alex rolled her eyes, "you chose this one to make fun of a certain chief inspector."

"I resent that accusation," Gene told her firmly, "I wouldn't stoop to such childish tactics."

Alex rolled her eyes.

"No, of course not," she said.

"I've got the nativity scene for that," Gene continued, "already applied mascara to Joseph and given Mary dark roots and clunky boots."

"Oh _god,"_ Alex groaned, covering her face, "if Kim sees that she'll come after you with her piercing kit, I promise you. You won't be able to sit down for weeks."

"Good excuse not to do any bloody paperwork then," Gene commented.

Alex stretched and yawned. It was almost time for bed and with the end of the day came the end of November. They'd enjoyed almost two whole Keats-free months at Fenchurch East. In fact there was a sign up in the canteen along those very lines; _"Fenchurch: Keats-Free since October 1997"._ No one had seen or heard from him since his trial and the removal of his title and powers. After his car park showdown with Kim he'd vanished, more or less.

"I suppose I should find the Christmas decorations tomorrow," Alex mused as she reached for her glass to drain the last of her wine, "brighten up the office a little. Bring in some Christmas cheer."

"So decorations are acceptable but me enthusiasm for festive chocolate isn't?" Gene challenged, one eyebrow rising.

"Mine is for the morale of the team!" Alex protested.

"Well so's mine," Gene told her, "chocolate makes me less prone to yelling and throwing people into filing cabinets."

Alex rolled her eyes.

"I wish I'd known that sooner," she said making a mental note to buy more chocolate. She was on the verge of suggesting an early night with a quick roll between the sheets to celebrate the end of November when an image on the news caught her eye and she almost choked on thin air. She scrabbled upright, her heart thumping. "Gene, turn the volume up."

Gene was about to make a sarcastic comment about being a human remote control when the image on the screen filtered through to his mind and he understood one hundred percent why Alex suddenly looked so shocked and disturbed. He grabbed for the remote and turned the sound up as a shot played of a young man in a hospital bed, hardly moving.

"…_awoke at the beginning of the month and has astounded doctors with his progress,"_ the newsreader was saying, _"James Keats, twenty seven, has been in a comatose condition for the past four years. His prognosis was poor and there had been talk of switching off the systems vital for keeping him alive, but since the death of his mother the hospital had been unable to trace any next of kin. With no surviving family on his mother's side there had been nobody willing to provide information about the identity of Mister Keats's father and despite media appeals earlier in the year nobody has come forward. Now James is making good progress, communicating with his eyes by blinking and regaining some movement in his extremities. It's hoped that within a few weeks he will be able to communicate by using a simple keypad and his therapy will begin to work on helping him to speak and eventually to stand again. While he may never be able to lead a completely normal life, at this stage James is looking stronger than doctors could have predicted. His mother would have been proud."_

As the news report ended and another story took the limelight Alex and Gene turned to one another, their faces white with shock. Neither truly knew what to say. Eventually Gene croaked;

"We knew this was gonna happen eventually."

Alex nodded blankly.

"I know," she whispered.

"He's just one of them, Bolly," Gene said quietly, "him, in this world. He was always going to be the same Jimbo that he was where you came from."

"I know," Alex said quietly. She closed her eyes and looked down. "This is where it all starts, Gene. For people like Simon. People who've been here. They go home, they wake up, they go through all the usual psychological testing to make sure they are able to return to work and the papers go through him." She glanced to the mantelpiece at a photograph of the team from CID from a recent night out with Simon's smile amongst the faces. "All because he's looking for the one that got away."

"And there's nothing we can do," Gene told her, "but at least we've removed Mister Keats Senior from proceedings. Got to focus on that fact, Bols."

Alex nodded silently. She knew Gene was right, there was nothing that could be done but the idea that Keats was waking up and beginning the rehabilitation that would lead eventually to a life of anger and revenge chilled her to the core. She recalled Simon's arrival in 1995, explaining how Keats's mission had led eventually to him aiming a gun at her comatose body. It was all going to happen again. The weak young man lying in a hospital bed was going to slowly gain strength and become someone to be feared.

"Bolly."

Alex had no idea how long she'd been quiet for but the look on Gene's face was so full of concern that it must have been for quite a while.

"Sorry," she said quietly, "I'm sorry, Gene, my mind was miles away."

Gene stretched out a hand toward her.

"Switch the goggle box off, Bols," gene told her, "seen enough gore footage for one night." He nodded toward the door. "Jimbo's bed is only good for lying in. Ours has other uses."

Alex looked at Gene's expression, desperate to take her mind off the situation. She took a deep breath and tried to fight away thoughts of Keats. She couldn't think about him right there or then. She and Gene needed one another to stop him infiltrating their thoughts. There was an early night to be had.

~xXx~

The nurse looked up as a shadow fell over her. Startled by the sudden presence of a man somewhat taller than herself she dropped her pen to the floor and had to dip down to pick it up. She got back to her feet and laid the pen and the chart on the desk behind her

"Can I help you, sir?" she asked.

The man adjusted his spectacles and ran his hand through his dark waves.

"Good evening," he said. His tone was amiable but there was an edge to it that the nurse wasn't sure about, "I just heard about the young man on the news. The copper." He paused, "PC James Keats."

"Oh, yes?" the nurse began and the man gave a slightly anxious laugh.

"Been out the country for a while," he said, "so it was the first I knew about him waking up. I'd like to see him."

The nurse took a step back nervously.

"Right," she began cautiously, "the thing is, at the moment we're only allowing relatives and friends to visit." She neglected to mention that the copper in question had neither.

"Oh well," the man smiled amiably, "I'm family. I'm his –" he coughed, "_uncle_. He was even named after me," he pulled his driver's licence from his pocket and showed the nurse his name, "see?"

The nurse looked at his credentials and then back at his face. She started to smile.

"Oh," she raised her eyebrows, "I can see the resemblance now, actually."

"I'd like to see him," the man told her, "I feel terrible that there's been no family visiting him. I want to make it up to him."

"Well I'm sure the medical team will be delighted that we finally have a next of kin contact for him," the nurse told him, "we'll want to talk to you about his care and about ways to contact his father –"

"You can't contact his father," the man bristled at the mention and the nurse stepped back nervously.

"Oh…?" she frowned.

"He was out of the picture a long time ago," the man seemed to seethe with anger, wringing his hands in a way that made the nurse extremely uncomfortable but eventually he toned it down and began to speak a little more gently. "He doesn't need that man in his life anyway. He has _me_ now. I'll make sure he's alright."

The nurse still felt wary but between the ID, the family resemblance and the complete blank they'd drawn about his care she was grateful to have someone to refer to.

"Visiting hours are over for the day," she began, "but since you're the first visitor he's had I'm sure no one would object to you taking a few minutes with him." She began to walk towards a corridor, glancing back to make sure the man was following her. "This way."

Together they moved toward his private room, decorated only by one small _'get well soon' _card from his previous station and a couple of mouldy grapes that he couldn't even eat yet.

"There you go," the nurse smiled and turned to the younger man in the bed. "James? Your uncle Jim is here to see you. Isn't that wonderful?"

She smiled at him warmly before she turned around. "I'll be back in a few minutes to see you out," she said and left the two men alone.

As she left Keats's smile disintegrated and turned slowly into a dark stare which moved around to focus on the face in the bed. He felt a shudder travelling down his spine as he came face to face with himself; his past, his torment. He swallowed. The years of loneliness and suffering came back to him as he stared ahead. The years focused on one thing and one thing only – finding the one who got away.

"Good evening, Jim," Keats's voice shook as he spoke which he admonished himself for. He flinched as a pang of emotion threatened to burst through. Somehow he managed to fight it back and focus on the man again. "That's your name, isn't it? Not James. Not any longer. But you won't be able to tell _them_ that for some time, so I thought you needed to hear it from someone who understood." He took a step closer and looked at the dark, confused eyes staring back at him. "I remember the drill, I remember it only too well. It's one blink for yes and two for no. Am I right?"

There was a pause, a moment of hesitation before the young copper gave him one nervous blink and a smile began to emerge across Keats's face.

"Excellent," he said, "good. Do you know who I am?"

There was a long gap between the question and the answer and the second blink took a while to follow the first as though young Keats wasn't sure whether he did or not.

"It'll become clearer as time goes on," he told him, "I think you know. Or you will. Deep down," he stepped closer and leaned over the bed, "I only ask one thing, and that is for you to trust me. How can I ask you to do that, you may be wondering. Well," he straightened up a little, "I know things about you. I know things that nobody else does. I know you've just come back from another place, Jim. Another time. I know there's someone you're looking for. You can't remember his name or his face but you know you need to find him." He hesitated, _"the one who got away."_

He saw the young man's eyes widen and knew he'd struck gold.

"I can help you," he told him, "I can look after you. Make sure you get stronger faster than I did," he flinched, "than you would do without me. If you were just left to the system…" he shook his head, "I'll get you the best care and I will _personally_ make sure that you have the life you deserve," he swallowed, "and that you get what you're looking for." He froze as flashes of words and memories passed through his mind; the years that left him mentally scarred, passed from pillar to post as no one wanted to take responsibility for his condition or care.

He shook his head and stepped back. He was finding it harder to keep emptions at bay, and the fight was becoming ever more difficult with each passing day. Ever since his title and his power had been taken away it had been harder to stay cold and hard. This wasn't the time to cave in.

"I must go," he said, backing up to the door, "but I'll be back tomorrow." He hesitated by the door and focused on the young man again. The expression in his eyes was twisted with confusion. He hoped that he would soon help him to get over that. "Goodnight, Jim," he uttered as he disappeared before the nurse could even return.

The young copper stared blankly as the stranger left the room, his brain too tired to comprehend what had happened. He hoped that he would feel stronger tomorrow. Because whoever the man was he had a feeling he was going to be very important indeed. More than anyone he would ever meet.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: Yeah, the fluff is over! :P That didn't last long! This fic is the sequel to Remember Me and just goes to prove that no plot points are ever left hanging indefinitely! And starting on Simon's birthday as well! Two Keatses – obviously his perfect birthday present! :P**_

_**Usual disclaimers apply; I don't own Ashes to Ashes but I've been borrowing it extensively for almost three years now! :D This fic will go up to an M around chapter 4, so as you're aware! Thank you for sticking with this series of fics and continuing to read, I appreciate every one of you, especially those of you who take time to review or drop me a message by PM or on Tumblr – I'm so glad I started writing because I have met some amazing people through here :)**_


	2. Chapter 1: Read All About It

**Chapter 1**

"Kim, come _on_," Robin waited by the open front door, leaning against it. What the hell was taking her so long? He stupidly checked his watch. Why did he still wear the thing when he couldn't tell the time any longer? "_Damnit_," he mumbled before tilting back his head and calling, "Kim, come on!" There was a flushing noise, some swearing and then finally Kim came out of the bathroom. She looked somewhat pale and not quite herself. "Hey," Robin frowned, "are you alright?"

Kim nodded as she moved quickly past him through the doorway.

"I'm fine, Rob," she said but her voice was low and she didn't look him in the eye.

"You're not still pissed off with me for eating the chocolate, are you?" Robin asked her with a frown and she glanced behind her.

"Oh that was _you_, was it?" she asked accusingly.

"Well it wasn't going to be the advent calendar fairy, was it?" Robin commented as they locked the door and made their way down the staircase.

"I thought we were going to flip a coin for it!" Kim reminded him.

"We _were!"_ Robin told her, "but then you were in the bathroom for eight million years and I," he shrugged and blushed, "got hungry."

They walked to the Fiat and Kim unlocked the door.

"Remind me not to take more than five minutes in the bathroom," she said, "I don't know what you'll have eaten the next time I come out."

She was about to duck into the car when Robin's nervous tone stopped her.

"Kim?"

She hesitated and glanced at him over the roof.

"Hmm?"

"You are alright," he frowned, "aren't you?"

Kim looked away and nodded.

"I didn't sleep well last night, she said quietly and climbed in the car.

Robin hesitated. Kim wasn't very good at disclosing when something was wrong, it usually needed to be prised out of her with a crowbar before she'd admit to it. He _had_ noticed her tossing and turning in the night a little. He cautiously climbed in beside her and closed the door. He was just going to have to keep an eye on her, that was all.

That, and let her have the chocolate out of the advent calendar tomorrow.

~xXx~

"Shoebury, a word."

Simon glanced up with trepidation.

"Please, not '_Shoebury, a word_'," he groaned, "I swear to you I haven't done anything!"

But Gene looked serious and grim.

"Need to talk to you in me office," he told Simon and started to walk away. Simon frowned nervously. This didn't seem like an angry Gene. This was a worried Gene. That made Simon feel worse than if he was facing Gene's wrath for drunken antics.

"Shit," he muttered as he got to his feet. He walked quickly along the corridor and caught up with Gene in CID. "What's going on?" he asked but Gene just shook his head. He needed privacy for this Simon seemed to understand and merely followed him toward his office where the door opened to reveal Robin and Kim standing around anxiously and a grim Alex sitting on the edge of Gene's desk. "Well," Simon frowned, more worried by the moment "looks like the gang's all here."

"That's what worries us," Robin commented.

"Sorry," Alex told them, "we thought this was the best way of telling you. It was better that you all found out together."

"F-found out what?" Simon found himself stuttering with nerves as Gene closed the door and pulled down the blinds.

"You been watching the news lately?" Gene asked.

"Not really," said Kim.

"Not unless by 'the news' you mean 'videos of _Pinky And the Brain,"_ said Robin.

"I've been having an X-Files marathon," Simon shrugged and Gene rolled his eyes.

"It's so good to know me team's keeping up to date with current affairs," he frowned, and sighed as he walked back to his desk to lift up a folded newspaper. "Thought you ought to prepare yourselves for the headlines," he said as he opened it out and spread the front page for them to see. The photograph of a young man with dark hair and dark eyes lying in a hospital bed was the last thing they expected to see and initially they couldn't work out what or who they were looking at but the moment the penny dropped all three reeled back in shock.

"Oh my god," Kim's hand rose to her lips as a genuine feel of sickness washed over her.

"_Shit,"_ Robin had to turn away.

"Oh my god is that –" Simon's open moth and wide eyes showed his desperate confusion as he looked at Gene.

"He's awake," was all the Guv could say.

"_Fuck,"_ Robin closed his eyes while Kim tried to deal with the image she was looking at. She'd never seen Keats so young.

"He looks just like –" she began but Robin cut her off.

"Don't say it," he snapped.

"_Rob,"_ Kim whispered as she watched him leave the room, pained by the similarity between the young Keats and the image he saw in the mirror every day. She cursed her big mouth for uttering her own observations and set off on his trail, terrified to imagine how the realisation could affect him, leaving Simon to pick up the paper and stare at the picture.

"I knew the time was close," he whispered, "I just didn't think…"

Alex nodded.

"I know," she whispered, "none of us did."

Simon stared at the picture, feeling strangely churned up inside. The likeness between Keats's younger self and Robin was truly uncanny and was putting more thoughts in Simon's head. He blinked a few times and tried not to go there.

"He woke up with no one," he said quietly, "no friends, no family, his mother died while he was out cold…" he closed his eyes, "no wonder he ended up so twisted."

"He woke up that way, Shoebury," Gene reminded him, "he'd spent the best years of his coma making me life a misery, pulled the team apart, killed you and discovered the joys of gas and air. When he went back to his own cesspit he was already best buddy pals with Beelzebub."

"I can't help but wonder though," Simon mused quietly, leaving the point hanging until finally Gene asked, annoyed;

"Can't help… but wonder… _what?"_

Simon sighed heavily, his heart pounding.

"How differently things could have been if he was properly looked after," he said quietly, "instead of left to fester. Passed around from one person to another," he laid the newspaper down, "without anyone to care."

Gene fixed a glare on Simon.

"I hope you're not suggesting that _you_ care for mister Keats junior?" he asked and Simon looked away.

"I just feel sorry for him," he said quietly, "it can't have been a happy life. He had no one, Gene. Nothing waiting for him when he woke up."

"Neither did Batman," Gene pointed out, "and he turned out alright."

Simon had never seen the parallel before but Gene was right. Robin has woken from his coma to nothing and no one. Simon was dead, he had no family, he was facing charges and he was suspended from his job. To see the person Robin became despite that was surreal. He and Keats might have shared half their DNA but they lived their lives as complete opposites.

"Rob met the right people to help him," Simon said quietly, "Kim," he looked at Alex, _"you."_ He saw her smile a little, "if he hadn't gone through that whole thing… I don't know. It was like he had an unintentional intervention."

"We all did," Alex said quietly, knowing both herself and Kim had garnered as much from the experience as Robin had.

"If only someone had done that for Keats," Simon said quietly, "just shown him they cared."

"What, without a bloody sickbag?" Gene asked and Simon shook his head crossly.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about!" he cried, "he doesn't have a chance."

"Simon," Alex began seriously, "we all know that we can't change the past. Even if we tried to interfere it's not going to change Keats."

"Believe me, I'd have pulled the plug years ago if it would have made any difference," Gene told him.

"But we can at least try to stop _this_ Keats from going the same way," Simon told him.

"It's already happened," Gene told him, "It happened where you came from so it'll happen here, nothing we can do about it."

"But we could _try_," Simon insisted, "at least then there'll only be one evil Keats in this world! Imagine having _two_ of them side by side!"

"They won't be side by side!" Gene barked, "One'll be flat on 'is back, the other one's buggered of back into his sewer."

"But he could –"

"Simon," Gene began sternly, "stay away."

"I never said –"

"You didn't have to," Gene said firmly, "I can see the rusty cogs in yer brain working away. You think you can go and rescue Mister Keats Junior from a life of unpleasantness. You're wrong."

"But –"

"What is it he calls you, Shoebury? The one that got away." Gene watched Simon lower his head, "what do you think he's going to do when he sees your face? Hmm? First thing he's going to do is try to fry you alive by the power of his eyeballs. Second thing he's going to do is get better so he can do it for real with a blowtorch."

"He might not remember," Simon said defensively, "his memory was full of holes, he didn't even remember _Alex_ until he found out I was searching for her."

"Exactly, Shoeboy," Gene scowled, "something about you jogs his memory."

Simon stared at Gene but he could feel his hopes sliding away. If nothing else the use of the name '_shoeboy'_ told him Gene meant business. And Gene had been right about one thing – something about Simon seemed to jog his memory.

"I just thought…" he closed his eyes and licked his dry lips, only too well aware that whatever he said was only going to make him more unpopular, "Gene… he asked me to help him, he _begged_ me to. In the courtroom. And before that. Months ago. He wants to be human again but he's not strong enough, and I thought maybe if I could help him before the rot set in –"

"He's not a bleedin' oak tree!" Gene cried, "and I'm warning you, Simon, meddling with Keats in his formative youth is only going to lead to trouble. Do I need to call upon me filing cabinets to back me up?"

Simon stared at Gene. It bordered on a glare but he wasn't quite _that_ brave. Finally he dropped his line of slight and tuned around.

"No," he mumbled, "excuse me."

He left the room dejectedly, slamming the door behind him, leaving Alex and Gene alone.

"That was harsh," she told him.

"I didn't see you disagreeing with me, Bols."

Alex exhaled with a deep sigh.

"That's because I don't," she told him, "disagree, I mean. I know you're right." She shook her head, "I just can't help feeling…"

Gene glanced at her as she trailed off.

"Feeling what? Me biceps?"

Alex shook her head.

"Nothing," she said, not even rising to the bait. When she thought about it Simon had been the only one that had ever wanted Keats to change. Everyone else had wanted to destroy him, lock him up, send him away, but Simon had wanted to help the monster be a man. The other approach had never worked.

"Maybe Simon's the one who deserves a chance after all," she thought to herself.

~xXx~

Feeling furtive and underhanded, Simon crept to his office and closed the door. He peered through the glass to make sure no one else was around. All he could see were Robin and Kim in the doorway to Kim's office, Robin's head bowed with misery while she tried to rub his arm reassuringly. There were still times when Simon resented being part of Gene's lineage but, _shit_, he couldn't imagine what Robin had gone through when he discovered he was related to Keats.

Quickly he crossed to his desk and took a seat, then opened his drawer and pulled out his book of useful numbers. He flipped through the first few pages and punched in the right number, waiting a few seconds for the call to be answered.

"_Fenchurch General?"_

He swallowed.

"Hi," he said nervously, "I need to speak to whoever is responsible for the care of Mister Jim –" he flinched, "_James_ Keats."

"_Could you hold please?"_ the voice asked.

"No problem."

A tinny version of Greensleeves rattled down the line until a voice took over.

"_Long-term rehabilitation unit?"_

"Uh, hi," Simon cleared his throat, "I'm calling about James Keats."

"_Right?"_

Simon hesitated.

"I-I would like to know visiting hours please," the words slipped out before he had a chance to think them over.

"_At the moment he's limited to seeing family and close friends."_

"I'm a detective," Simon blurted, "My name is Simon Shoebury, I'm Detective Chief Inspector, running a division of Fenchurch East CID."

"_I'm afraid Mister Keats is going to be unable to answer your questions for some time, sir."_

"I don't want him to answer _questions!"_ Simon cried, "I –" He froze. Exactly what did he want? He cursed himself for not thinking that far ahead. "I wanted," he swallowed, "to bring a gift from the station. A gesture of support for his plight. I experienced a coma recently and I have," he flinched, "every sympathy for his situation."

There was a hesitation on the line.

"_I'll have to check with his doctors."_

Simon closed his eyes.

"That's fine, I understand," he whispered.

"_I think, considering your status, that we can allow it,"_ the voice told him, "_if you can arrive at the beginning of afternoon visiting hours, three o clock, then you can speak to his doctor directly."_

Simon felt his face twitching its way into a smile.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"_We'll see you then, Sir."_

"Thank you," Simon whispered again, "see you then."

He felt a pang of guilt as he hung up the telephone but not enough to reconsider. He could see things from Gene's point of view, he really could. But at the same time he couldn't shake the image of Keats pleading with him, begging him for help.

"I'll help you," he whispered his promise to thin air. He'd never felt so determined in his life.


	3. Chapter 2: New Faces

**Chapter 2**

"It's the third one in the last two weeks and after the examination of the victim discovered that she'd been the victim of a sexual assault the attacks have become a step more severe."

Gene nodded as he laid down the file Alex had given him.

"That's why we've shoved in a couple of extra desks," he addressed the faces before him. "Needed to call in a few favours. Pool our resources."

"We had to bring you all on board," Alex explained, "Initially the case came to me. Emerging Narcotics has seen a great deal of unrest on the streets since Nailer left the scene."

"Like the head dinner lady retiring," Gene put it in terms he felt most appropriate.

"Kim, the latest attack comes under your jurisdiction," Alex continued.

Kim nodded.

"Right," she said quietly.

"And Robin, we're going to need to use the resources of the canine division extensively," Alex explained, "we thought bringing you in at the start of the operation would be the best way to make use of your assistance."

"Sure," Robin nodded, "Shaz has everything under control downstairs."

"What about me?" Simon asked and Alex and Gene exchanged a glance.

"Thought we might need you to turn the fax machine on and off," Gene told him and Simon slid down in his seat, visibly deflated.

"Thanks a lot," he mumbled.

"Most of you know one another," Alex began, "but for those of you who don't we'll run through a quick introduction." She indicated two detectives she'd brought with her; a young woman with a sleek black bob and a gentleman who had some ratty facial hair that he pretended wasn't ginger. "This is DC Lorna Bridges and DC Luke McDonald from my department."

"Hi," Lorna nodded while Luke raised a hand.

"I'm Marci," Marci nodded her head, "DC Fell."

"And I'm DS Dawson," Jake told them.

"This is DS Rhona Fisher," Kim introduced a tall, skinny lady who some of the others had seen round but hadn't been properly introduced to.

"Hi," she smiled.

"And DC Imran Rafiq," Kim concluded, but as Imran had just accidentally stapled his tie to the paperwork his introduction was cut a little short. Finally Simon cleared his throat and stood up.

"And, uh," he frowned, "I don't have any staff…because they all died… and no one's thought to send anyone to replace them yet." He frowned and sat back down as everyone slowly shuffled away from him. "_I_ didn't _kill_ them if that's what you're thinking!" he protested.

"Pressure's on from all sides on this one," Gene told them, "we've got the Drugs Squad breathing down our necks for details on the crap these twats are peddling, the media scrabbling for details on the poor bird laying on the slab in the mortuary and the Super's wanting a result before the next funding assessment. The better we come out of this thing the more chance there is of everyone keeping their jobs. So you're here for the duration. Lattes will be provided; toilet trips have been cancelled until further notice."

"That's an inconvenient combination," Alex frowned.

"Sorry," Kim pushed her chair back as she spoke quietly, "I might have to go against that _no toilet break_ rule."

"Kim, you OK?" Robin frowned.

"Yeah," Kim said quietly as she stood up.

"You don't look right," Robin said worriedly.

"There's something going around," Alex told her, "a bug, a few people have been down with it."

Simon glanced around guiltily. He might not have been able to get a clock to tell him the right time but he knew it was getting closer to three o clock and he was expected at the hospital at any minute.

"Actually," he began, getting to his feet as Kim left the office, "I don't feel that good either."

"You don't look right either, but that's a full-time scenario," Gene told him.

"No, really," Simon tried to look sincere, "I'm feeling rough."

"This isn't bloody nursery!" Gene barked, "you're not going to lay down in the medical room because you scraped yer knee on the climbing frame! You lot have the bloody constitution of a yuppie moth."

"Don't pick on Kim, guv, she's been feeling bad all day," Robin told him.

"So have I," Simon lied. He did a little jig and clutched his stomach. "Ooh I need the toilet!"

"I stand corrected, it bloody _is_ nursery school!" Gene barked.

"For god's sake, go to the toilet before you crap yourself!" Robin cried, clutching his temples, "what's the matter with you?"!"

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Simon told them as he scooted from the room, leaving an apologetic Robin to explain to the rest of the room,

"He's not normally this bad!"

"You're lying to yourself, Batman," said Gene but Simon didn't even care.

As fast as he could, he nipped into his office to grab his coat and slipped out down the back stairs so that he couldn't be seen across the car park. His heart was racing and he felt as though he was doing something so wrong and yet he couldn't stop himself. He was doing it for the right reasons and that was enough for Simon.

He jumped into his car and left as fast as possible. He wasn't sure how long he would be allowed to stay and he had no idea what would be waiting when he got there, only that there was a man waking up in hospital with nothing and no one. It was no wonder that Keats had become increasingly bitter and twisted through the rest of his living years. Throughout the ride to hospital he pictured the face in the paper. He could understand why Robin had reeled from it. Simon had never seen much of a likeness between Robin and Keats until the family connection was revealed, but in his younger days Keats resembled him much more closely.

Simon barely remembered arriving at the hospital or rushing through the corridors. His head was in a mess and he could hardly think straight. By the time he found the right department he had no idea what he was going to say or do. He waited nervously until a doctor greeted him and shook his hand.

"You're here to see James, aren't you?" she asked and Simon nodded.

"Yes," he said quietly.

"You were here as a patient a few month ago," the doctor observed and Simon nodded. He didn't really want to think about that.

"How's he doing?" he asked instead.

He's surprising us with his progress," the doctor told Simon, "he has a very long road ahead of him but he seems determined to make it."

Simon couldn't help an involuntary shudder.

"I wonder why," he muttered, knowing full well that he was the answer to his own question. As they walked towards his hospital room Simon felt all kinds of nerves. What if Keats recognised him? What if he realised that Simon was 'the one who got away'? There was every chance of things backfiring spectacularly but he couldn't help it. He had a determination that wasn't going to fade, no matter what the consequences.

"There he is," the doctor pointed to the doorway, "would you like me to accompany you to introduce you to the patient?"

"No, that's OK," Simon said quickly. He didn't have any idea how much Keats was going to remember about him but he suspected that saying his name wasn't going to be a good move. Instead he gave the doctor a nervous smile and slowly entered the room. He could see that the man in the bed was awake and immediately a pair of dark eyes fixed upon him, sending his stomach into a spin cycle. He swallowed and ran a hand through his hair, edging closer.

"Hi," he said quietly. His voice cracked a little and he tried clearing his throat. "I'm –" he flinched. He was so used to introducing himself that he almost slipped and gave his name, "I'm with Fenchurch East police station. I… I heard about you waking up, and," he flinched as he remembered a certain tape they'd all witnessed, "and about how you ended up here. I wanted to see you and tell you…" he froze as the eyes stared back at him. They seemed almost anxious. Maybe he really didn't remember Simon. "I wanted to tell you that," he hesitated, "I'm so sorry." Simon sank into the chair by the young Keats's bed and examined his face. God, the likeness to Robin was uncanny. If it wasn't for the hairstyle… He shook his head. He shouldn't think about those things.

"I understand how scared you must be," he said quietly, "and how frustrated you are. I've been through the same thing except my condition wasn't as serious as yours. God, you've done something amazing to survive. Now, you need to do more than survive." He paused and closed his eyes, "you need to _live_." That was something Keats had never managed to do the first time around. "You're angry and you have every right to be. You weren't taken care of by your superiors and you ended up in this state. And now you've woken up and there's no one to look after you." He looked the young Keats in the eye, "I'll do what I can," he promised, "you're not on your own. I swear. This time things will be different." He flinched as he realised his slip, "I mean, since you've woken up… things will be different. No one's going to wrong you again. I'll make sure of it."

He swallowed as the dark eyes looked back at him, starting to feel a little more nervous. He didn't want to stay for too long, partly because he didn't want Keats to work out who he was and partly because he didn't want Gene to send out a search party into the toilets so he stood up and gave him a nervous smile.

"I'll be back to see you tomorrow," he said quietly and turned to leave. He felt himself shaking a little. He had no idea how strange it was going to be to see Keats so young and so helpless and he was left feeling quite unnerved. More than ever he felt determined to help change the course of the life of Keats Junior. He was determined to find a way - he just wasn't sure how.

~xXx~

Flipping a grape in the air and catching it in his mouth, Keats Senior strode along the hospital corridor. Every now and then he hummed or whistled. It was a good day. He reached the long term rehabilitation unit and waved a hand at the staff of duty.

"Good afternoon," he said amiably, "just come to see my nephew."

"Popular man today," a nurse smiled at him.

"Well," Keats began but didn't really know what to say.

"No visitors for a month and then two in as many days."

Keats stared at the nurse.

"Is that right?" he asked tightly.

"Gentleman from Fenchurch East came to visit," the nurse told him. "Nice man. It's good to see James getting visitors."

"Yes," Keats stiffened, "it is. Isn't it." He set his jaw firmly and clicked his tongue a few times in a tutting gesture. "can you describe the man who visited for me?"

"I only spoke to him on the phone, Sir, your nephew's doctor saw him when he arrived."

Keats hesitated. He glanced at the doorway of the room. Whoever it was had long gone.

"Yes," he said stiffly, "Well. I'm sure whoever it was he was pleased to see them. Excuse me."

As he walked toward the room he felt himself tremble. This didn't feel good. Something wasn't right he was sure of that. Visitors from Fenchurch East were not part of the plan and Keats was going to have to make sure it was a one off. Nothing was going to get between him and his protégé.


	4. Chapter 3: Food Fanatics

**Chapter 3**

"What the – _Kim!"_

Robin tapped his foot on the ground like an impatient Sonic the Hedgehog.

"What?" Kim asked as she put her head around the door, trying to fasten an earring.

"The advent calendar!" Robin pointed in distress.

"You ate yesterday's!" Kim cried, "It was my turn!"

"Yeah…" Robin agreed, "but you've eaten day three, four and five as well!"

"I was _hungry!"_ Kim shrugged as she gave up on the earring an dropped the damn thing on the table.

"But two of those were supposed to be mine!" Robin protested.

"So? You can eat six, seven and eight tomorrow!" Kim told him but Robin was less than satisfied.

"That'll make us a week ahead of schedule!" He cried, "where's the educational festive countdown in that?"

"_Ohhh,"_ Kim took his hands and linked her fingers through his, "Tell you what, I will _buy_ you an advent calendar of your own that you can eat on schedule and I will keep this one to binge where and when I feel appropriate. How's that?"

Robin considered her offer.

"Alright," he said, "that sounds fair."

"But you've got to give me door number one or I'll be a day down," she told him.

"Deal."

Kim nodded to the door.

"Come on, we're going to be late," she said.

"You were the one who wanted the extra round of toast," Robin reminded her.

"_You_ were the one who was going on about Lurpak and put the idea in my head!" Kim told him, poking out her tongue and exiting the flat with haste.

~xXx~

CID felt cramped and full with all the extra faces. There had been little news overnight and the previous afternoon had held few developments, much to Gene's frustration.

"No point bringing in twice as many bodies to the cause if they just fail twice as many times," he told them crossly.

Simon still felt somewhat guilty about slinking off the previous afternoon which he was sure hadn't added to their success, or lack of it. He eyed Kim across the desk as she popped the last piece of a chocolate biscuit into her mouth and licked her fingers one at a time before picking up a witness statement and reading through it. Despite her finger-licking she still managed to leave a trail of prints on all the papers she was looking at.

"Wouldn't even need to dust those," he commented.

"Hmm?" Kim looked up somewhat absently.

"The papers," Simon told her, "for your prints."

Kim glanced at her fingerprints and felt a little guilty.

"Sorry," she mumbled but it didn't stop her getting another chocolate biscuit from the packet to eat.

"Hope you've brought enough of those for everyone, Stringer," Gene boomed.

"Only for people who ask nicely," Kim told him, raising an eyebrow which made him scowl. She simply responded with an innocent, chocolaty smile, a gesture that served to rile Gene up more.

"_Right,"_ he cried, "I'm getting out of this station before I start connecting someone's metal to the national grid!" his glare moved from Kim to Simon. "Shoebury. Need someone to back me up. Visiting a snout."

"Sure," Simon slid the chair along the floor to stand up, "which one?"

"Sniff."

Simon cringed.

"Oh god, _no,"_ he said, sitting down again, "not Sniff the Snout!"

"Who's Sniff the Snout?" Kim frowned.

"He lives up to his name," Robin told her while Simon did his best impression of the gentleman in question.

"Ugh, polite," Kim commented.

"His nostrils aren't the part we're interested in," Gene told them, "it's what he knows about the latest move in the complex soap opera that is London's drug underground."

"He means what he knows about the attacks," Alex told them.

"Since your translation was so accurate you can come and experience the joys of 'is nostrils for yourself," Gene told her.

Alex groaned and got to her feet.

"Oh _good_," she sighed, "I _love_ explaining to the dry cleaners why I need _snot_ removed from my jacket."

She raised her eyebrows at the crowd who smiled back with an occasional _'ha, gutted!' _or '_Hard luck, ma'am'_ as she left with Gene, whose parting words were,

"DS Dawson, there are lattes requiring your immediate presence. I'll be back in fifteen minutes to inspect their condition."

Jake groaned and stood up, reaching in his coat for his wallet.

"Great," he mumbled, "I'm _so_ happy it's my turn to do the latte run." He turned to the crowd, "what does everyone want? Lattes?" a number of people raised their hands, "anyone for anything else? Cappuccino? Tea?"

Kim pulled a face.

"Don't really fancy coffee today," she said which caused an interesting frown from Robin, "Can you get me a hot chocolate?"

"No problem," Jake pulled a notebook from his pocket to write down numbers of drinks, "anything else?"

"Yeah," Kim began before anyone else could speak, "a chocolate muffin and an almond croissant." No sooner had she spoken than she was aware of several pairs of eyes on her. Looking at the faces around the table her usual bark dropped away and she started to feel incredibly self-conscious. "What?" her voice was quieter than anyone was used to hearing.

"No, nothing," Simon began, "just wondering if you're pigging out so you'll have enough energy stored away to hibernate for the winter."

"You what?" Kim narrowed her eyes crossly.

"_Simon,"_ Robin frowned at him. He knew that Simon liked to banter with Kim almost as much as _he_ did but there were boundaries. "That's uncalled for."

"She's been giving her jaw a workout all morning!" Simon protested, "all she's done is eat!"

"_Simon!"_ Robin's tone grew genuinely angry, "leave her alone!"

"I was only having a joke, _god,_" Simon rolled his eyes and looked at Kim, expecting her to have something to say in return but she was looking strangely subdued and a little upset. "Oh come _on,"_ Simon cried, "we used to bug each other all the time like this! Kim, tell him!"

Kim's eyes moved around the room. All eyes were on her and she didn't like that. She swallowed.

"Forget it," she told Jake, "I don't want anything."

"Are you sure?" he frowned.

"I've lost my appetite," Kim said uncomfortably.

"What about your hot chocolate

"Just,.. _nothing,_ OK," Kim told him and turned away, very deliberately holding up a file to block any further conversation. Simon frowned, feeling unnerved, looking from Kim to Robin.

"_Sorry,"_ he said, slightly sarcastically as Jake set off on the latte run. There was an extremely uncomfortable silence which ended fleetingly when Kim stood up to take a copy of a photograph and left the room briefly.

"_What's gotten into you?"_ Robin hissed across the desk.

"_What?"_ Simon protested.

"You've really upset her!"

"I have not!"

"Didn't you see the look on her face?" Robin frowned.

"Woah, hold on," Simon reeled backwards, "since when did Kim need you to fight her battles for her?"

"I'm just feeling protective of her today, alright?" Robin whispered. He glanced around to make sure she hadn't returned yet, knowing he'd probably lose a limb if she'd overheard him. "She's not been herself this week. I just want to make sure nothing upsets her. OK?"

"_OK,"_ Simon pulled a face, not sure whether he could even take Robin's over-protective attitude seriously. He returned to his work, slightly aware of Robin's glare still fixed on him. He shook his head a little, trying not to laugh. He knew Kim, she was the last person who needed protecting. When she finally returned and sat back down all eyes were upon her.

"_What?"_ she barked.

Many faces turned away, mumbling apologies and silence fell again. Simon shook his head again as he glanced around. The office had never been so packed and yet it had never been that quiet either. For what seemed like an eternity the only sounds were the turning of pages and an occasion cough until a long, protracted growl came from the direction of Kim's stomach. She froze up visibly and clutched her papers to her torso in the vague hope that it might throw the others off the scent of the source of the noise but all it did was bring more stares in her direction. As her face reddened Simon barely masked a snigger.

"Thought you'd lost your appetite," he commented as Kim jumped back up and threw the papers at the desk. They parted in mid-air, floating down serenely in contrast to Kim's angry glare as she stormed out of the room.

"Oh well _done_, Simon!" Robin cried, getting to his feet.

"What did _I_ do?" Simon protested.

"You know she gets touchy about stuff sometimes!" Robin cried.

"Are my feet permanently in my mouth now or something?" Simon threw his hands in the air as Robin set off in hot pursuit of Kim. He was aware of Kim's DS staring at him.

"_That's_ a trick I'd like to see," she commented as Simon's cheeks turned an interesting tomatoesque shade.

~xXx~

Robin hovered in the doorway of the archive room, watching Kim pacing slowly up and down. Her face was torn between anger and upset and despite her attempts to hide them he was sure he saw tears.

"_Kim,"_ he said softly as he walked toward her. She looked up and swallowed, attempting to wrestle her expression back into neutral.

"Sorry," she said somewhat moodily, "he just pissed me off."

"You know what Simon's like," Robin said quietly. "I love him but his mouth has never had a stop function." He looked at Kim worriedly. She hadn't been herself for a few days. "What's wrong, Kim?"

"Nothing," Kim shook her head, "just feeling a bit pissed off in general that's all. A bit low." She shook her head, "fuck, they're all going to think I'm a bloody freaky idiot now."

"No they won't," Robin rubbed her shoulders.

"They all think I'm some kind of greedy pig."

"No, they all think Simon should learn to keep his mouth shut," Robin told her.

"I'm so bloody embarrassed," Kim hung her head, closing her eyes

"So your stomach rumbled," Robin shrugged, "so what, happens to everyone, it's not a big deal."

"_Is_ a big deal, "Kim mumbled, looking away. Robin bit his lip and breathed in deeply as he looked at her with concern. He didn't want to annoy her any further but he couldn't keep quiet.

"I've seen this before, you know," he said softly. He watched her expression carefully as he continued. "one day you're eating everything, the next you're turning all shades of green." He saw her swallow and look away.

"You're barking up the wrong tree, Rob," she said quietly.

"Today you can't get enough to eat, tomorrow you'll be stuck with your head down the loo all day."

"Rob please, don't say it, just don't say it."

"I've seen you pregnant before, Kim."

"I'm not pregnant."

"I know the signs… I _had_ them all, remember?" Robin felt his heart starting to pound; he'd been trying to keep his suspicions to himself until Kim was ready to bring them up but he couldn't hide them any longer. He didn't want to get his hopes up too much - after the way things had gone in the past any pregnancy was going to be full of anxiety but he couldn't help himself, "come on, Kim, ever since we were reunited we've been at it like –" he tried to find a suitable analogy, "like Alex and Gene in an oyster factory."

"Oysters aren't made in a factory," Kim said quietly.

"Don't change the subject, "Robin admonished. He sighed a little, "Kim, come on. You've got all the signs. I know we haven't talked about it since you've been back but it's what we both wanted." He hesitated, his expression falling as she looked increasingly pained, "Isn't it?" to his horror streams of tears started rolling down her face, "Kim? Oh _God_, Kim, what's the matter?"

"I'm not pregnant, Rob," she cried, "and I never will be."

"Wh-"

"I had a _hysterectomy_, OK?" Kim cried, turning to him, her expression full of pain.

"What?" Robin's voice was barely audible and his face frozen with shock.

"I had a hysterectomy. I can't have children any more."

"Kim, _when?"_ Robin's mind could barely process the shock.

"It was after you _died!"_ she cried, "there were complications and they rushed me into surgery. They had to take my womb away, Rob. I can never have a baby now."

"Wh-why didn't you tell me?" Robin whispered, trembling, "why didn't you say _anything?"_

"Because so much happened between you dying and me leaving Fenchurch West," Kim cried, "there was _too_ much. I just didn't think about it… I didn't… didn't think about it because I'd blocked it out… it was too hard… too painful," she couldn't stop crying, couldn't stop shaking, it was all too much to deal with. "I'm so sorry, Rob," she wept, "I don't know why I've been eating all bloody day but it's not because I'm eating for two, OK? I can't have children," her face crumbled as the pain of the truth became too much for her to bear, "We can never have children."

"Kim," Robin could barely croak out a word. His arms wrapped around her and he held her while more of the trauma she'd suffered after Robin's death began to come forth, "I'm so _sorry_, Kim, I didn't know," he clung to her as tightly as he dared without hurting her, "I'm _so_ sorry."

For so long Kim had faced things by herself. She had to learn all over again to let Robin in but thanks to the warmth and love his arms offered she was making a good start. She closed her eyes and leaned on Robin, literally as well as metaphorically. It wasn't something that came naturally to her but this time it was something she had to do.

Even Kim's foundations crumbled now and then.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: And on that heartbreaking note I should probably mention that the rating will rise to M from the next chapter! Thank you so much for the awesome reviews, you really have no idea how much I love reading them! I really appreciate them :)**_


	5. Chapter 4: Some Things Never Change

_**A/N: Please note the rating rises to M from this chapter!**_

**Chapter 4**

"Ahhhh, just like the good old days," Alex smiled happily as she leaned back to avoid her neck breaking from Gene's driving speed.

"You hated the eighties so much I thought you were allergic," Gene reminded her and Alex pulled a little face.

"I liked them once I settled into them," she said defensively, "after I stopped thinking I was going crazy or turning into Sam Tyler."

"A rare mention of Mister Tyler without his oft used middle name of 'Bloody'," Gene commented and Alex laughed gently.

"I'm in a charitable mood," she said with a wry smile. Staring out of the window she couldn't help but remember her time-travelling disaster from a month earlier. Sometimes she still stopped to think how lucky she was that her route home had been surprisingly easy. She glanced at Gene, feeling content in the situation. "I do miss this," she said.

"Picking holes in me driving?"

"You and I against the world," Alex told him, "I don't think I ever stopped feeling that we were partners. In a non-bedroom sense I mean."

The charming smile that Alex gave almost sent Gene veering off the road.

"Now you've got me thinking about the _bedroom_ version, "he said, clenching his legs together.

"Too late, already seen it," Alex said smugly and smirked to herself as Gene continued to drive. She ran her hand through her hair and leaned against the window, enjoying the moment. She and Gene had never let their relationship get in the way of their work. She felt pretty damn proud of that. "So," she began, trying to think about matters that didn't involve planning what she intended to wear to bed that night, "Sniff the Snout."

"Yeah," Gene began, "should have bought a raincoat really."

"Are his nasal habits that bad?" Alex asked.

"Bols, he's had more white powder up his nose than Johnson and Johnson have sprinkled on babies' bottoms."

"Just asking," Alex protested.

"His sniffing might leave much to be desired but he knows what's what on the streets," Gene told her, "A couple of pints and he'll be well away."

Alex had never tired of Gene's passion for the job. It was one of many similarities they shared. It was just like old times, out on the job together, and Alex was going to make the most of every moment.

~xXx~

Robin simply didn't know how to console Kim, nor how to process the tragic news she'd told him. He clung to her as she trembled and rocked her back and forth.

"Kim," he whispered, "I'm so, so sorry, you went through all that and I wasn't there –"

"I should have told you, I know I should," Kim's voice was as quiet as Robin had ever heard it, "but it was so, so painful and so hard to accept, I worked so hard just to block it out back home with drink and work and then when I came here I was under the spell of that _place_," she spat out the word _place_ as she thought about her dark days in Fenchurch West, "and then he used the gas and air, and by the time we were together again –"

"Shhh, it's OK," he held her close, "I understand, there were so many things we needed to talk about."

"But why didn't I talk about that?"

"Kim, it's OK, it doesn't matter," he flinched, "I don't mean… it doesn't _matter_, I mean…" he drew back a little and looked her in the eye, "it wasn't like you could roll in and announce it, and I understand, sometimes you block something so much you don't even _remember_." He swallowed and flicked away a tear. "Kim, I love you. Nothing's going to change that."

"_This_ does."

"It doesn't."

"How can it _not?"_ Kim cried, "you wanted children. We _both_ did.

"Yeah," Robin whispered, "but I want _you_ more," he swept back her hair and locked his fingers amongst it. "You're my Kim. You're my amazing Kim. I don't want anything more than I want to be with you."

"We –"

"There are other ways, if it's that important," Robin told her seriously, "if we talk things through and we live our life together and we still find that children are as important as they were before we came here we'll look at options. Adoption. Surrogacy –"

"I couldn't handle that," Kim said quickly, "some other woman carrying my child, that would hurt too much."

"Adoption then." Robin told her, "but there's time ahead to think about that, and right now…" he looked at her, the crumbling remains of the strongest person he knew, "But right now I just want to hold you."

"Doesn't it change the way you look at me," Kim whispered, "doesn't it change the way you see me?"

"Why would it?" Robin asked as he looked her in the eye, "you've been through all this, so much shit and yet you're still you – Kim. So strong."

"I don't feel it," Kim whispered as she hung her head.

"You _are_," Robin told her. He grasped her hands and looked her in the eye. "You are, Kim. I promise you."

He could see all her insecurities reflected in her eyes; all her fears, everything that hurt her and stung her heart, and it made him just want to draw her near and protect her from all the things that caused her pain.

"What if you start to feel different, Rob?" she whispered, "you might change your mind."

"I won't."

"I don't feel like I'm whole any more," she whispered, "I feel like I'm damaged goods."

"Never think that, Kim," he cupped her face in his hands as the path of his tears seemed to echo hers, "God, Kim, I love you so much, you have no idea. Nothing will change that. Nothing's ever going to make me feel differently." He swallowed, "apart from making me love you more." He knew he had to get closer to her right there and then. He needed to show her what his words just weren't portraying so he moved forward and pushed his lips against Kim's, closing his eyes as he kissed her softly. It still didn't feel like enough. He needed more than a kiss. He knew full well it was inappropriate and risky but, _fuck_, it wasn't like it was the first time so he pulled her towards him and slipped his hands around her waist, searching for the belt on her jeans.

"Rob," she pulled away, "you don't have to do this."

"Kim, I need to."

"You don't have to try to prove your promise –"

"I'm not," Robin told her as he tugged firmly at her belt, "I'm not trying to prove anything to you, I just want to be closer to you. I _need_ to," he prised open the buckle and unzipped her jeans, "we _both_ do."

Kim couldn't argue with that or deny it, especially not when she felt Robin running his lips and his tongue against the side of her neck, culminating in a soft bite against her skin. She groaned as she felt her jeans sliding down her legs and grabbed for Robin's belt, keeping one eye on the closed door.

"Anyone could –" she mumbled but Robin silenced her by pilling down her knickers.

"Fuck them," he whispered, before pausing, "not literally."

Kim responded by pushing Robin's trousers over his thighs along with his boxers.

"Oh what the fuck, the Guv's done worse," she mumbled as they stumbled toward a row of three padded chairs, just about long enough for Robin to lie Kim down across them. More often than not Kim was dominant in their bedroom antics but sometimes Robin just needed to show her exactly how he felt about her and this was one of those times. Kicking off his shoes and his pants he swung a leg across Kim and straddled her, running his fingers up the inside of her inked thigh which made her squirm and groan. He'd pinned her too firmly for her to react fully to the tingle that his touch sent through her body. She could feel her muscles itching to writhe and twitch with excitement but she couldn't move. She stared at his expression, desperate to show Kim that nothing was going to change the way he felt for her, not on any level. His fingers reached the top of her legs and wandered between them, finding her already dampening from the promise of what he was about to deliver.

"Sod the foreplay, Rob, just _fuck_ me," she begged, which was all Robin needed to hear. Already stiff and full of need he positioned himself over Kim and slipped in with ease as her legs opened wider. There seemed to be no middle ground between them; either things were soft and sweet and gentle or they were passionate and desperate and both knew this was the latter. While he steadied himself with one hand he pushed up her shirt a little way so he could see he tattoos on her chest. The figure _1995_ that caught his eye brought back memories of a certain night full of fire and desire. He traced his fingers over the numbers momentarily, taking in the fact that they were finally back together in the world that had caused them to meet in the first place. He looked her in the eye and whispered,

"You realise this is the first time we'll be…" he coughed, "here. In the station."

Something about the thought of that spurred Kim on as she gave a sly grin.

"_First_ time," she emphasised.

"Are you suggesting this is going to become a habit?" Robin whispered as his arm moved back to its previous position and he began to move deeper inside of her.

"Ohh _god_, I hope so," Kim groaned. Everything south of her bellybutton felt on fire; her clit tingled and throbbed as the blood rushed around her with sensations building from his movements and the gaze he'd fixed upon her. Reaching under his shirt she squeezed and tweaked his nipples, one at a time, watching his face change with the sharp sensation that drove him to thrust inside of her with increasing speed.

"Oh god, what the fuck are you doing to me, Kim?" he breathed "you're driving me crazy."

"Good," she whispered, "it's no more than you're doing to me," with her other hand she reached down and began to rub one finger against her clit, softly at first then faster with more pressure, back and forth then round in circles. Her whole body started to react to the stimulation; twitching, wriggling, heating up. Robin could see her cheeks starting to glow as he pushed his fingers through her hair and kissed her forcefully, his tongue invading her mouth as she moaned and nipped his lip gently.

His pace slowed slightly as he adjusted his position to reach down and close his hand over hers, taking over the action that was pushing her closer to the edge. Nothing gave Robin more pleasure than to watch Kim slowly losing control as her breaths became shorter and shallower and her gasps became louder until she reached the point of no return and her climax hit with such force that she has to clamp her own hand over her mouth to muffle her cry.

Growling with desire, the look on her face as she succumbed to pleasure was all Robin needed to see. His movement grew faster as he pushed deep inside her, his cock burning from her body heat until he closed his eyes as a wave of absolute, intense pleasure hit him and he lost himself in the moment. He let out a cry that he didn't even try to hold back as he came, then fell against Kim's chest, both himself and Kim desperately trying to draw enough air into their lungs. They were exhausted and sweaty, hot and fulfilled, clutching one another as the afterglow left their hearts pounding.

As Robin softly kissed Kim against her cheek and closed his eyes he hoped that she understood now that nothing would ever change the way he felt about her. And for the record, Kim felt exactly the same way about the man lying against her chest.


	6. Chapter 5: Whole Again

**Chapter 5**

"Don't fancy a game of snooker today then, Sniff"

Sniff the Snout looked away from the trivia machine and glared at Gene.

"Not since the white ball looked for new friends in your pants," he told him, recalling the last time Gene had called upon his services. He glanced at Alex and Gene could see his eyebrows rising. "And who –"

"Keep yer eyeballs and yer hands well away," Gene warned him, "as well as yer face powder.

"I'm DCI Drake," Alex introduced herself.

"Been wondering if you've heard much on the street recently," Gene told him.

"I heard some prat whistling a fucking Boyzone song," Sniff told them, "that was more than I needed to hear.

"You didn't tell me he was a comedian too," Alex raised an eyebrow at Gene.

"Been a few bodies littering the road lately," Gene pressed Sniff, "latest one turned nasty.

"Yeah well," Sniff scratched his nose and gave a demonstration of his name, "now the _Nailer Wars_ are over the lucky boys and girls who took a slice of the pie are having to fend off the competition from other sources."

"Who's the fat bastard that's been eating all the pies then?" Gene asked.

"Wouldn't have a cue," Sniff shrugged.

"Would you develop one if I opened me wallet?" Gene asked.

"I wish. Could do with an easy tenner."

"You must know _something_," Alex began. She attempted to prise some information from him with a winning smile and a compliment. "I like a man with knowledge at his fingertips."

Sniff looked fairly disappointed.

"You won't like me then," he sighed.

"You're disappointing me, Nosewipe," Gene told him and Sniff shrugged.

"I stick with people I know. Stuff I trust. Wouldn't have a clue about the poisoned talcum powder the competition put out there. I know about Nick and his patch. I know most of the guys who took over when he took early retirement. But that's the limit of my knowledge." He looked at Alex. "Sorry to disappoint the lady."

"That's a shame, Sniff," she told him, "because the _guys_ you know and trust are the ones being picked off, one by one. And the people you stay well away from…" she sighed, "well, they'll be slowly taking over your trusted suppliers. So _the talcum powder_ they put out onto the market will be filling the space in your pocket usually reserved for your trusted supply." She moved away with a smile of false sympathy, "soon you won't be able to trust anything you buy or anyone who supplies you. It's a real shame." She began to move away from Sniff and Gene took her lead. "if only you'd taken more interest in those _other guys_, hmm?"

Sniff swallowed as they started walking away.

"Look," he began loudly, "I can't…" he watched them turn around, "I can't promise anything. But I'll see if anyone's eyes have been more open than mine. OK?"

Gene shuffled.

"Let's hope they have," he said and turned to leave with Alex. He glanced at her as they left the pub and saw the little smug smile she gave. "Well well, the girl done good," he commented.

"And I didn't even have my raincoat," Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Well let's hope Sniff can sniff out someone in the know," Gene told her, "because as far as leads go we've got fewer than Batman's got left when all his dogs are out on a job."

~xXx~

"No scar."

Kim blinked, only half-listening as Robin spoke. Risking discovery, they lay together across the padded chairs, Robin's head still resting against her chest. They knew they would have to get up and leave soon but neither of them wanted to. Besides, if they were sprung they could just blame Alex and Gene for leading a really bad example.

"What?" she asked him as his words didn't really register. She could feel his fingers brushing back and forth against the soft skin of her inked belly.

"No scar," he repeated. He propped himself up slightly and examined her skin a little more closely. "You had a hysterectomy, you should have a scar, right?"

Kim didn't actually know what to say to that. She hadn't even regarded her body very closely since she had arrived in the world. At first she'd been completely focused on keeping Keats under control, and then she'd fallen under his control. After she had been reunited with Robin she'd gone from feeling horrified by the frail wreck her body had been left as to being embarrassed by gaining back some weight so she had avoided looking at herself as much as possible.

"I," she blinked a few times, "It's _here_ –" she reached down and touched the area where her hated scar, the reminder of her heartache, had been but now her skin felt smooth and flat. "It was here –"

"No bullet marks either, Robin said quietly. His hand moved across her skin again. The only thing he could feel was a little change in texture where the ink of her tattoos lay.

"It was here," Kim insisted shaking, her fingers searching for it, "all the way along here, the scars I had after all the surgery and the shooting were awful –"

"There's nothing here now," Robin said quietly.

"That doesn't make sense," Kim said accusingly as Robin bit his lip and turned to look at her, slightly wide eyed. His heart was beating so fast he could hardly talk.

"Kim," he whispered, "the scar on my back vanished when I came here."

"What?"

"From the shooting in the jewellers."

"We both know the wounds that send you here don't come with you –"

"I meant the second time," Robin swallowed, "when I came back after _Layton_ fucking shot me. The scar, and the damage," involuntarily he reached around and rubbed his back, "Kim, you know how bad the damage was from the shot, I was lucky to walk again, I was in pain all the time. I haven't had a twinge since I came back here."

"That's… _good_," Kim frowned, unsure what he was saying.

"Don't you understand?" Robin asked quietly, "sometimes… sometimes bodies fix themselves when you come back here," he swallowed as he watched Kim begin to tremble, "My back, the scar… they didn't contribute to my death… they weren't the fatal wounds but they healed anyway."

Kim's lips seemed to move for some time before she uttered a sound.

"No, Rob –"

"Maybe –"

"No."

"The bullet wounds are gone, Kim, if there were no bullets to cause the damage you'd never have had to have the operation, would you?" he watched her expression as a dark look of shock and realisation came upon her features and a hand rose to her lips. "Kim?" Robin spoke quietly. He bit his lip as her face grew more troubled, memories returning to her little by little. "Kim, what is it?"

"I-I had a period," Her voice was hardly audible and she couldn't meet Robin's stare, "I… it was in the middle of June." She swallowed, "actually no, I had more… more than one. Two… three?" she swallowed as she began to feel increasingly churned up inside, "I feel stupid… it sounds stupid, but Rob, I'd been having periods for twenty years –" she noticed a slightly alarmed look on his face from too much talk about the inner workings of the female body and tried to tone it down a little, "I-I was just more used to having them than _not_ having them, and I was in Fenchurch West, my mind wasn't my own… I was too busy trying to stop Keats from getting his dirty paws on all of you than I was worrying about myself. I didn't even _think_… it didn't _register_ that I shouldn't be having them, I… I feel like an idiot…"

Robin took a deep breath but it didn't stop the pounding of his heart.

"You're whole again," he said quietly as he looked her in the eye, "Somehow when you came back…" he licked his lips as his eyes started to sparkle, "Kim, you know what this means, right?" He paused, waiting for her to reply but she seemed stricken, "You could be pregnant… you actually _could_ be. You've got all the signs –"

"Rob, please don't say that," Kim uttered in a desperate breath. Robin froze, her pained expression something he wasn't expecting. He drew back a little, confused and worried as he asked,

"I thought that's what we both wanted?"

Kim swallowed.

"Not like this."

"What do you mean?" Robin felt his stomach churn as he saw a tear slide from Kim's eye and roll down her cheek. "Kim, please tell me what's going on?"

Kim could hardly bring herself to meet Robin's gaze and when she finally did her eyes were glossed over with tears and worry.

"I-I don't remember having a –" she hesitated, "a period since august. Mid-august… late august… somewhere around there." She flinched as she choked on the single word that followed. "Keats…"

Robin felt his body turn cold from head to toe as the notion began to sink in. He found himself shaking his head in instant denial.

"No, no," he began, "it couldn't be his."

"Why _not?"_ Kim cried, "Rob, he had me under his influence for _weeks_. I don't remember very much about that time… my memory is pretty much blank but I know what he was doing to me."

"If your memory is blank then how would you know that you hadn't had a –" he coughed slightly, "a _you know what_… since august?" He stared at her but she didn't have a reply to that. She knew it was possible but she was fairly sure she hadn't had one. "And anyway, you're not –" Robin was in difficult territory with this conversation, "_super regular_, are you? I remember that."

"Robin –"

"There's got to be more chance that this happened in the last few weeks," Robin insisted, "Kim, you _know_ what we've been like! And besides, you'd know if you'd been pregnant for the past three months, wouldn't you?"

"Uh, _hello?_ This is _me_ we're talking about," Kim flinched, "it's happened before. I was weeks in before I knew."

"Yeah… because _I_ had all your symptoms.

"Not just that time," Kim hung her head miserably, her brain fighting hard not to even think about the miscarriage she suffered in 1995. Fingers rested on her cheek and brought her focus back to the moment. She looked up to see Robin staring into her eyes.

"Kim," he whispered, "I think we're getting a bit ahead of ourselves here. We need to take things a step at a time." He swallowed, trying to keep calm. Kim needed him to be as strong and collected as he could be. "This could all be academic if you take a test and there's no line. So why don't we start there? Hmm?" he wiped a tear from her cheek as she nodded silently. "You test. If it's positive we'll get you a scan as soon as possible, find out how far along you are. We could find you're a month or so in and we've got a baby on the way. OK?" Despite herself he saw her give a tiny smile at the possibility.

"OK," she whispered.

"And," he continued quietly, "if the test comes up negative then at least now we know that it is possible and we can try for a baby, whenever we're ready. OK?"

Kim nodded again.

"OK," she whispered. She swallowed as she looked him in the eye, "But," she whispered, "What if I am and… and i-it's his?"

Robin flinched, swallowing as the thought made him want to vomit. He shook his head slowly.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," he told her, "one step at a time, remember?"

Kim nodded slowly.

"OK," she whispered.

"OK," Robin repeated. He closed his hand over Kim's and looked at her sincerely. "And whatever happens," he promised, "I am going to be right by your side. We'll face it together. OK?"

Kim swallowed.

"OK," she whispered.

Robin slid his legs from the padded chairs and grabbed his trousers.

"Since it's traditional," he began, "should I go and buy you a test?"

Kim shook her head.

"There's some in the examination room in my suite," she said quietly.

"OK," Robin said quietly, "We'll get one of those. We'll do it now. Is that OK? Can you…" he did a strange little dance with his head, _"go?"_

Kim pulled a slight face.

"Yeah, I think so," she said quietly.

Robin pulled his trousers on and fastened them as quickly as he could. He handed Kim her jeans and watched her do the same, noticing how badly she shook.

"_Kim,"_ he said quietly, "I'm right here."

Kim stared at him, feeling so mixed up. The outcome of this could either make their lives complete or tear them apart. Half an hour ago all she'd had to worry about was Simon poking fun at her digestive system, now suddenly the weight of the world was on her shoulders.


	7. Chapter 6: Caught In The Act

**Chapter 6**

Simon tapped his pen on the desk as his eyes scanned the office. Robin and Kim had been missing for almost an hour now. Surely he couldn't have upset her _that_ much? He rolled his eyes as he suspected they'd slipped off for something extremely unprofessional.

"_Oh great,"_ he mumbled under his breath, "they're the new Alex and Gene." He still had nightmares about their _doing-it-in-every-room-in-the-station _phase. His eyes travelled across the sea of faces. Alex and Gene hadn't returned yet from their visit to Sniff, Jake and Marci had slipped off to follow up a lead, Imran had managed to staple his tie again and the woman from Kim's department that he couldn't recall the name of kept giving him the eye and making noises about going for a drink sometime. He had to start talking loudly about men's bottoms to put her off her endeavour, and managed to scare most of the rest of the office in the process.

He exhaled loudly, balancing a pen between his nose and his top lip. His head hurt and he felt increasingly out of place. He wasn't even making himself useful, all he was doing was moping. His mind turned to another subject, a young man in a hospital bed not that far away. His mind was travelling in that direction _far_ too often that day. He couldn't stop thinking about him or the possibility that he just might be able to help.

"I'm getting nowhere here," he mumbled, getting to his feet. He grabbed his coat and threw it over his shoulder. "Latte run," he announced loudly, "anyone want anything?"

"Not if you're going to go grope arses on the way," Luke said nervously and Simon rolled his eyes.

"I think I can avoid the minefield of arses along the way, just this once," he said.

"Didn't Jake already get the drinks?" somebody asked.

"Yeah, but that was an hour ago and Gene demanded lattes must be consumed at regular intervals," Simon reminded them but after taking a few orders he promptly ignored them and made his way out to the car. He'd go to Latte Land, of course. He was just going to take the long way, that was all. The _hospital_ route. No one ever had to know.

~xXx~

Kim slipped out of the examination room, a box tucked under her shirt.

"Got it?" Robin asked her as she scanned the corridor nervously.

"Yeah," she said quietly, feeling extremely conspicuous, "if anyone asks I've got square boobs, OK?"

"Hope that's not a symptom," Robin tried to joke and received a withering glare. At least that was a little of the Kim he knew back again. He clung to her arm to give her support as they made their way down the corridor towards the toilets. They hesitated outside, Kim biting her lip nervously.

"I don't want to do this alone," she whispered.

Robin swallowed.

"I'll come with you," he whispered, "just check the room's empty, OK?"

Kim nodded and opened the door. She peered inside and saw the cubicle doors open.

"It's clear," she said, stepping inside. Robin looked around anxiously before joining her in the room.

"Last time we snuck into a toilet together…" he began and Kim's face reddened.

"Don't finish that," she whispered.

They slipped into the cubicle together and Robin began to feel uncomfortable.

"Are you sure you want me here while you…" he nodded towards the toilet.

"If… you don't want to…" she said, "I know it's not exactly nice…"

"It's fine," Robin said quietly, "I just didn't know of you were happy for me to be here."

Kim closed her eyes as she recalled another day, another test, well over a year ago. She'd sent Robin out the room while she tested. They'd been through too much since then to spare one another's blushes.

"Just think yourself lucky I never made you take one of these while you were in your baked bean phase," she told him as she unfastened her jeans.

Robin looked away as Kim sat down and did what she needed to do. He thought about humming to cover up the sound but that seemed a little insensitive somehow.

"_It's done."_

Robin turned around to see Kim holding the test stick in her hands. He watched as a line appeared almost instantly and his hand instinctively reached for Kim, squeezing her shoulder gently.

"That's dark," she whispered. He could feel her trembling beneath his hand as he asked her quietly,

"What does that mean?" He already knew the answer.

"It means," she whispered, "I'm a… a far way in. Few weeks." She looked at him, her face crumbling, "or months."

"You can't be that far," Robin tried to insist, "you'd have known."

"I'd had a _hysterectomy!" _Kim cried, "I wasn't looking for symptoms!"

"And I didn't have any this time," Robin said quietly. Kim looked down.

"No, you didn't," she whispered. Somehow that made her feel worse.

Robin knelt beside her and cupped her face.

"Hey," he whispered, looking her in the eye, "Kim, this could be good news, right?" even though he knew that there were possibilities that held deep pain for both of them he couldn't get over the thought that they could be having a baby, "we could be a family. Kim, you're _pregnant_," this time he couldn't fight the smile as he gripped her empty hand, "you're _pregnant_. You're going to have a _baby."_

"Whose baby?" Kim whispered and Robin's spirits began to fall again. He couldn't answer that question.

"We'll find out, Kim," he whispered, "we'll find out for sure."

"When?"

"Now."

"We can't just demand a scan," Kim cried, "we'd need an appointment –"

"Not if we go to casualty," Robin told her, "we'll go and tell them you're bleeding or something. Tell them you're in pain and you're pregnant. They'll have to scan you. They'll _have_ to, they'll need to see if everything's OK. Tell them you're not sure how far along you are and they'll tell you."

Kim closed her eyes, her guts turning over at the thought of going ahead with it but she also knew they had little choice. They needed to find out ASAP and this was the only way. She would just have to gather up all her courage and face the truth.

"OK," she whispered, "OK, we'll do it."

"We'll go now," Robin said. He helped Kim unsteadily to her feet and watched as she struggled to fasten her belt with her shaking hands. She couldn't seem to line the hole up properly, no matter how hard she tried. She was trembling too badly to do it.

"Here," Robin said gently as he helped her to refasten it, noticing that she was wearing the belt on a loser notch. She'd bemoaned the fact that the weight she'd gained back had located around her middle. Now he could understand why. His hand moved to her flesh and pressed against the slight roundness of her stomach which made her flinch and pull away. He swallowed nervously, unsure whether she'd reacted from feeling self-conscious or the doubt over whose baby she was carrying. It pained him to see.

"We'll get through this," he whispered to her but she didn't reply. She couldn't. She was running out of strength and just wanted to curl up and hide.

Not even caring if anybody saw them, Robin opened the door and kept his arm around her protectively as he led her out of the toilet. She could barely lift her head. The weight of the worry was too great. There was a boulder of fear sitting inside of her, and now she knew it wasn't the _only_ thing inside of her.

~xXx~

"Marci, you're a bona-fide genius," Jake told her as he pushed her through the corridor.

"Ow, hands off the genius," she said.

"I just want to get on this lead!" Jake said enthusiastically, "can't believe no one made the connection before."

"Yeah well, why do you think my hair's this big?" Marci asked, "it's to cover all those brains in my head."

They laughed together as they walked back into CID to find the room looking somewhat emptier than expected.

"Christ, is the Guv not back yet?" Jake frowned.

"No, not yet," Lorna said, getting up with some papers.

"Shit," Jake sighed, "they're taking a while."

"Must have gotten _distracted_," Marci made some vague motions with her fingers that represented an extremely rude puppet show which was interrupted by the return of the players in question.

"Good timing Nicey Spice," he told her, "now I know who the next victim for me latte run is going to be."

Marci groaned, caught in the act but Jake leapt to her defence.

"You might change your mind when you hear what she's put together, Guv," he said.

Gene eyed her suspiciously.

"Another puppet show?"

"Better."

"Got a lead, Guv," Marci told him.

"It's a good one," Jake told him.

Gene looked at Marci, then back at Jake who seemed even more enthusiastic than she was.

"Better share it with a couple of hand puppets then," he said, raising his eyebrow before nodding them both into his office along with Alex who was copying Marci's hand gestures, glancing at Gene with false innocence.

"_Later_, Bolly," he told her which earned him a smug smile as she followed them into the office. There was a development to learn about.

~xXx~

"Good afternoon, DCI Shoebury," the doctor smiled at him as Simon walked through the hospital corridor, "Have you come to visit James again?"

"Yes," Simon nodded, wondering what else he could have been doing. _No, I have a hundred other people to see, I just love hanging around in hospitals._

"That's great," the doctor told him, "you know, after your visit yesterday he seemed to make some progress in his recovery."

Simon froze.

"he did?"

The doctor nodded.

"He seemed a lot more responsive to our encouragement," he said, "he's working harder and the signs are promising. The movement in his hands and fingers improved considerably yesterday."

Simon swallowed. What did that mean? Was the young PC just boosted by his visitor? Or had Simon given him a reason to get better; to exact revenge? He started to shudder and had to give himself a stern talking to.

"Let's hope that he carries on improving," he said nervously.

"Go right in and see him," the doctor nodded towards the door of his room, "Visiting time will be over in half an hour for the patients' afternoon rest period but I'm sure he'll be pleased to see another face for a while."

Simon hesitated. He was suddenly less sure of himself and wondered whether he was doing the right thing, but he'd committed to it now, emotionally as well as practically. Even if young Keats has recognised him and become hell-bent on an early revenge the man was months if not years away from being physically able to carry it out. There was time to help him in the meanwhile and Simon was going to do whatever he could to ensure it.

"Thanks," he said quietly as he turned and walked to the doorway.

He stepped into the room and looked at the figure in the bed. The young man's eyes were closed. Was he asleep, or just resting? Simon wasn't sure. Slowly he crept nearer. He didn't want to wake the man if he was asleep but he didn't want to have a wasted journey either. One step, two, three… he moved closer and closer, watching the young James as he breathed slowly in and out. He looked peaceful, far different to the expression he wore on his face the day before. Must be asleep after all, Simon thought to himself. He stood by his side and studied his features. It still gave him strange stirrings to see how similar he looked in his younger days to Robin and that wasn't something he was going to get over in a hurry. The dark hair, his features – he shook his head and tried to stop thinking about that.

"You were quite a looker," he whispered under his breath before he could stop himself.

"_Were?"_

_Oh fucking hell._

Simon froze to the spot as the one word from behind him turned his stomach to ice. He forgot momentarily to breathe and had to remind himself. Very slowly he turned around, already aware of what he would find behind him. There in the doorway stood the last person Simon had expected to see; the man who'd disappeared from the car park that day in court, the older image of the man lying in bed, the man that Simon had known would turn up again sooner or later – just not that he would choose that very day.

"_Keats."_

Keats stepped forward and shushed Simon.

"Can't you see I'm sleeping?" he asked, his eyebrows raised as he glanced towards the bed. He turned his stare back to Simon and looked him in the eye. "I don't remember giving you access rights to young Jim here.

"James," Simon countered.

"I know who he is, thank you very much.

"No, you know who he _becomes,"_ Simon hissed.

"Because," Keats smiled, "it's already happened, Simon. That was me, not so very long ago. I remember what it was like to wake up as a different person, carrying over an energy that infiltrated every bone in my body." He nodded to his younger self. "But he's got the advantage, Simon. I had no one. He's got me."

"Not if I can help it," Simon hissed.

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really."

"You don't have a leg to stand on," Keats told him crossly, "you're nobody. I'm family."

Simon glowered as Keats gave a quiet laugh.

"I'm not going to let you do this," he hissed.

"Do what?" Keats asked innocently.

"Do whatever you're trying to do," Simon told him angrily, "he needs help to recover, not to become doubly twisted under your watchful eye."

"Al I'm doing is looking out for my nephew," Keats said amiably.

"_Nephew,_ is it?" Simon narrowed his eyes.

"Can't you see the resemblance?" Keats sneered. He stepped back. "Piss off, Simon."

Simon stood firm.

"No."

"Piss off or I'll get security."

"They _let_ me in here."

"I'll be having a word then," said Keats, "as his only remaining family I'm in charge of his care."

"Then someone needs to tell them you're not his only remaining relative."

"Can't try telling them we're not related, Simon." Keats said in a slightly sing-song voice, "if they carry out DNA testing they're going to find we're highly similar.

"Yeah, fucking _identical!"_ cried Simon.

"They'll just think it's a glitch," shrugged Keats, "it'll back up my story."

"You're still just his so-called '_uncle'_," Simon spat, "he's got closer relatives. _You've_ got closer relatives." He noticed a flicker of worry across Keats's face. "He's got a brother. Hasn't he?"

Keats stared back, shaking imperceptibly.

"Get out," he whispered.

"He's got a half-brother," Simon continued, "and if they tested to prove it, _he_ would be responsible for his care," he blinked, "_Robin_ would be responsible for his care." He hesitated. "_Your_ care."

There was a moment of hesitation, then with one sudden movement Keats leapt forward and grasped Simon by the neck. Pressing him against the wall as he gasped for air, Keats stared him in the eye.

"Get the _fuck_ out of here, Simon," he hissed, "get out of this room, and get out of his life. I'll stop you from coming back here. The hospital will be aware."

"No," Simon gasped.

"You –" Keats began but froze up suddenly as the scared but determined blue eyes struck him and he couldn't look away. His stomach flipped over and a strange tingle swept through his body. He didn't know what it was bit he didn't like it. He swallowed, feeling the tingle settling between his legs and with shock and frustration he had to let go of Simon and turn away. There was something going on, something coming into his head, thoughts, emotions –

_Oh fuck._

"Get out of this room, Simon," he growled.

"I –"

"_Get out!"_ Keats screamed, clutching his head, _"Out!"_

The sight of Keats in such a state frightened Simon in a different way. He didn't know what it was but something about his expression chilled him to the core. He hesitated momentarily then turned and ran from the room, down corridor after corridor and didn't stop until he'd left the building. He leaned against the brick wall of the hospital, panting, breathing heavily as his heart raced. Something strange had happened to Keats, he knew that much. What he didn't dare do was to second guess what was going on inside that twisted mind.


	8. Chapter 7: Good Old Days

**Chapter 7**

"It was _so_ obvious that we overlooked the connection," Marci explained enthusiastically, "the attacks and the deaths back in the summer… their MO was different so nobody thought they could be connected but you don't get two spates of deaths amongst dealers without something connecting the dots."

"Last time Bammo did a dot to dot picture it turned out to be a zebra," Gene told her, missing the point. He folded his arms as he leaned back in his chair. "So. What did you find when you connected the dots, DC Fell?"

"The first spate of attacks stopped when Nailer came back into the country," Marci told him, "even though it was only temporary it was enough for the new blood to go running scared. They'd been trying to take over parts of his old network, piece by piece.

"But after Nailer stuck his nose in they crawled back into the woodwork," Jake volunteered.

"And the gap in the market wasn't filled by any of Nailer's old boys," Marci continued, "it was one of his biggest rivals from the dim and distant past, Frank Henderson."

"He's been slowly taking over local patches," Jake told them, "spoke to a friend of a friend, he confirmed it. But he's been shoving out one of Nailer's old cronies as the face of the business so his old customers trust him."

"We've been around a few places, getting some names," Marci told them, pulling a folded printout from her jacket pocket, "and this guy comes up time and time again." She handed the sheet to Alex who unfolded it. "Andrew Salmon. Handy Andy."

"Original nickname," Gene rolled his eyes.

"He only went with that one to avoid all the fish puns," Jake volunteered.

"I checked with the files on the previous killings, his name came up but he was eliminated from enquiries," Marci told them, "had an alibi."

"What was his alibi?" asked Alex.

"Sharing a bed with a pleasant young lady," Marci told them.

"Guess who?" Jake asked and Gene shrugged.

"Logic suggests Carol Smilie," he said.

"Frank's daughter," Marci said smugly.

"We don't know whether their relationship is genuine and he's used the connection to get in with another one of the big boys now Nailer's gone or whether Frank's not happy about the guy who's been knocking off his daughter and roped him in as an unwilling business partner but one way or another one of Nailer's players has swapped allegiances."

Gene nodded slowly. Fenchurch East hadn't had much to do with the previous case - that had been under Fenchurch West. He suspected he knew someone who might know more than he did.

"You might look like a Spice Girl but you've got double their combined brainpower," he commented, "Good work, Nicey Spice."

Marci looked fairly pleased with herself.

"Things just fell into place," she smiled.

"I haven't seen you look this pleased with yourself since the day you figured out how to get the Wispa bars out the vending machine at college for free," Jake told her and Alex developed an instant frown.

"Oh yes?" she said warily.

Jake looked at her nervously.

"I haven't dropped her in it, have I?" he asked worriedly, "you're not going to arrest her for crimes against Cadburys?"

Alex gave a nervous laugh.

"I think we can let it slide," she said. There was a false smile across her face. "So, _college?"_ she prompted, "I… didn't know you two went back so far."

"Oh yeah," Marci smiled, "College, uni… right into the job."

"Two peas in a pod," Jake commented

"Except I didn't know Scary Spice and Ronan Keating were inseparable in the world of pop," Gene snorted, not altogether pleased about the resemblance between some of his best staff and people more usually spotted in the British charts.

Jake stepped back awkwardly.

"Ma'am," he frowned as he noticed Alex staring at him, "is everything OK?"

Alex hesitated, then shook her head a little. She gave a slight, nervous smile.

"Sorry," she said, "I was miles away."

"Our very own Metal Mickey is the one you'll want to talk to about Fishbait," Gene told them. He sighed as they looked at him blankly. "Your friend Handy Andy," he explained, "DCI Stringer was at Fenchurch West when they dealt with the case. She's the one to talk to."

Jake swallowed anxiously.

"She's scary," he commented before he realised he'd spoken out loud but to his surprise Gene merely sighed and agreed.

"Scary she might be but she'll have more information than I have," he told him, "see what you can get from her fourteen-karat head."

Alex smiled anxiously as she watched Jake and Marci leaving the office before she turned to Gene. He was looking at her curiously. Her behaviour had confused him as much as it had Jake.

"College stories," she said quietly.

"Not using up a perfectly good cell to arrest Fell for being a chocolate bandit, Bols," Gene told her but Alex shook her head.

"That was a new one, Gene," she said worriedly, _"going way back? College days? Uni?"_ she noticed that Gene's expression changed as he realised what she was getting at. "What's their story Gene?" she asked quietly, "something isn't right about them." She frowned with frustration as Gene seemed to hesitate. "Come on, Gene, I wasn't here when they arrived. I've never seen their paperwork."

Gene closed his eyes and sighed deeply

"Bols, this has been giving me headaches for months," he admitted.

"Are you saying they –" she blinked, "they can't have come over _together?"_

"Snuffed it together, arrived together, started together, went out every night on the piss together" Gene shook his head, "no explanation. It just happened."

"But that's _impossible_," Alex's brow creased, "people don't just arrive together. That's only happened once before."

"I know."

"And that was different," Alex continued, "Simon and Robin were together, they were in love –"

"They might not be hitting the hay together but those two bozos are as thick as thieves," Gene pointed out.

"But things were _different_ with Simon and Robin," Alex continued, "Simon had been here before, he knew about this place, and Robin was still alive…"

"Bolly, you're not saying anything that hasn't kept me up all night," Gene told her, "me head can't process this one."

Alex fell silent, staring out of the door as Jake and Marci tried and failed to find out where Kim had gone. She felt a strange sensation of anxiety gnawing at her. Something wasn't right about Jake and Marci. Something was different about them and 'different' was never a good thing in a world such as theirs.

~xXx~

"Ready?"

Kim swallowed as Robin held her hand tightly and looked at her seriously.

"I'm terrified," she whispered.

Robin squeezed her hand gently.

"Me too," he whispered. A moment of unspoken love and support passed between them, the touch of their hands giving one another more strength than anything else in the world, then they slowly walked towards reception.

There were a couple of other people waiting ahead of them; a woman with a tea towel bound round her bleeding hand, a man whose skin tone resembled the Incredible Hulk and a young boy with a saucepan stuck on his head.

"There's always one, isn't there?" Kim mumbled as they finally reached the desk.

"Hello," a friendly young woman smiled, "what's the problem?"

"My girlfriend's pregnant and she's bleeding," Robin said quickly. His heart was thumping away and he felt guilty about lying but it was necessary.

"Alright," the woman said calmly, "how far along is she?"

"We don't know," Robin said nervously, "we just found out."

"So it's very early on…?"

"Not that early," Kim interjected.

The woman turned to her.

"Right," she said quietly, typing up some notes, "when was the first day of your last period?"

"It was august… some time in august," Kim said quietly. "I'm not sure when. I'm not very regular."

"OK," the woman said gently, "and are you experiencing any pain?"

"Yes," Kim lied, "It hurts a lot."

"Alright," the woman said gently, "take a seat and try to relax. I know that's easier said than done but the calmer you keep now the better for yourself and your baby."

Km swallowed and nodded.

"OK," she said quietly.

"Your boyfriend can give me your details while you sit down," the woman said and shooed Kim away with a gentle smile.

Anxiously Kim took a seat, her eyes scanning the waiting room. It was fairly quiet as far as casualty went. _Good_, the fewer people around the better. The faster she was _seen_, the better. Plus she didn't want any eyes on her. She watched Robin at the desk; his stance as he leaned against it, the slight colour of ink through his work shirt, the hand sweeping through his hair. Her heart seemed to stop for a second as she thought about the possibility of having a baby with him, just as they should have already done. Life had been incredibly cruel to her, taking away first the baby, then Robin. She could see now that if it hadn't been for her dire situation she would never have been in a position to make the journey to Gene's world when she was needed, but it didn't make up for the loss and the heartache she'd suffered. Just for a moment she allowed her hand to wander to her stomach and she brushed the tiny paunch she'd been growing so self-conscious of. Robin's cooking may have been good but she should have known there was more to it than that.

"_This place can fix you_," she whispered to herself. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath as her anxiety grew. Things started to spin and for a moment she thought she could hear a strange beeping but it seemed to stop as soon as it started and with a hand on her shoulder she opened her eyes and came back to reality.

"All done," Robin assured her as he sank down beside her. She gave him a thin smile and reached for his hand.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"They said you won't be staying here," Robin told her, "you'll be going to the EBU."

"You mean the EPU," Kim sighed.

"I do?"

"EPU," she repeated, "Early Pregnancy Unit. EBU is the European Broadcasting Union. They broadcast the Eurovision Song Contest."

"_Ohhh,"_ Robin closed his eyes and nodded, "Yeah, sorry."

Kim looked at him and bit her lip a little nervously.

"Rob?" she began.

"Hmm?"

"You called me your girlfriend," she pointed out, "we… we're still engaged, our rings both came with us, but since we were reunited that's what we've always said. Boyfriend and girlfriend."

Robin smiled somewhat sadly.

"We only had six weeks to enjoy being engaged," he said quietly, "those few weeks… it all feels a little unreal now. Doesn't it?"

Kim nodded slowly.

"I suppose so," she whispered.

Robin squeezed her hand a little tighter and stared at the ring on his finger. It wasn't until Kim had pointed it out that he realised he'd been doing it. They were closer than ever but she was right, he'd been calling her his 'girlfriend' and she'd been calling him her boyfriend. Perhaps they needed to do something about that, he thought. _Maybe at Christmas._

"Kimberley Stringer?"

Before he could think too much about it a voice pulled them out of their individual thoughts.

"Kim," Kim corrected.

"_Kim,"_ the woman smiled, "My name's Amber Bradshaw, I'm the head midwife in the EPU. One of the ultrasound scanners is free, would you like to come with me?"

Kim swallowed and looked to Robin for reassurance.

"We'll be fine," he whispered.

Kim's smile wavered as she turned from him to the midwife and slowly she got to her feet. With Robin by her side she could face the hardest day of her life but she knew it was going to change everything one way or the other. She could have a family. Or she could have the devil's offspring growing inside of her. The truth awaited her and her life was never going to be the same again.


	9. Chapter 8: Too Close for Comfort

**Chapter 8**

"Guv? Where's DCI Stringer?"

Gene looked up and saw Jake and Marci at the door.

"Have you checked around strong magnets?" he asked but they didn't seem amused.

"We can't find her," Marci told him.

"Have you asked her masked sidekick?"

"There's no sign of Robin either," Jake told him.

Gene leaned back and sighed heavily.

"What about Shoebury?"

"Not there."

"Bollocks," Gene growled as he got to his feet. The office was looking somewhat emptier than it should have been. He hoped they were all out on leads but somehow he had a weird feeling that this wasn't the case. "Get on with tracing yer suspects and I'll have a word with Metal Mickey when she sees fit to grace us with her presence again." He folded his arms as he walked toward the doorway. He pulled a scathing face as he looked over the office. If Kim, Robin and Simon were on leads they should have taken a radio or at least left details of where they'd gone. As he stood there a flustered Simon returned, took off his jacket, threw it over his chair with extreme prejudice and slammed a couple of things on his desk. "Someone's been on the happy pills," Gene boomed and Simon jumped. He looked at Gene, feeling little awkward about being caught in the middle of his bad mood but he was too angry to stay feeling that way for long.

"Don't Gene, I'm not in the mood," he snapped which set off a flicker of fury in Gene's eyes.

"Is that right?" he narrowed his eyes and Simon started to wonder if he should have kept his mouth closed. "Are you in the mood to step into my office and explain where you disappeared to without warning?"

Simon hesitated.

"I didn't disappear without warning," he bluffed, "I went to the latte run . The ones Jake got were cold."

"Is that so?" Gene narrowed his eyes again, "serve invisible lattes now, do they?"

"I dropped them," Simon snapped.

"Need to work on your co-ordination then," Gene told him. He stared at Simon's expression. He'd rarely seen him so angry. "Think you might need to step in my office and see if the filing cabinets can calm you down.

Simon pursed his lips and looked away.

"No thanks."

"It wasn't a choice, Shoebury," Gene told him. He stepped aside. "In here. _Now_."

"I've got work to do," Simon mumbled.

"Then you should have thought of that before you went dropping invisible lattes," Gene growled, signalling for Simon to enter his office.

Despite scowling Simon knew he had little choice in the matter and blundered into the room, looking like a stroppy teenage boy.

"What now?" he mumbled as Gene headed back behind his desk. He swallowed and chanced a glance up as he noticed how angry Gene had become.

"Sell attitude problems in Latte Land along with the invisible lattes now, do they Shoebury?" he barked. Simon didn't reply or even look him in the eye. "You've been like a bear with a sore head for the last two days." He hesitated. "Ever since we had words about a certain miraculous recovery by a young PC, in fact." He noticed Simon's cheeks starting to redden and he felt himself beginning to grow angrier. "You've been to see him, haven't you?" The look on Simon's face alone told Gene everything he needed to know. "What did I say to you?" he cried, "we talked about this -"

"_Wrong_, Gene," Simon's head rose and he exploded in Gene's face, "_you_ talked. _I_ was talked _over_. You didn't listen to me at all!"

"Meddling with _Minnow Keats_ is only going to cause trouble," Gene snapped angrily.

"He needs intervention."

"He needs leaving well _alone!"_

"Unfortunately Keats doesn't seem to agree with you!" Simon yelled which brought Gene's ranting to a halt. He fell silent, staring at Simon with worry and confusion on his face. "Older Keats," Simon specified, "_our_ Keats."

"Don't make him sound like a well-loved pet," Gene's voice was quieter and flat in tone. He swallowed as he eyed Simon. "Jimbo vanished. He disappeared up his own arse."

"Yeah, well he's crapped himself out," Simon waved his hand dismissively and began to pace. He tugged on his hair as he walked trying to relieve a little of the frustration and anger, "he's back. I saw him." He rolled his eyes, "saw him, yelled at him…" he stopped pacing as he turned to see Gene staring at him. "He walked in while I was there. He's got the hospital believing he's Keats Junior's uncle, officially responsible for his care," he shook his head and closed his eyes as his anger began to give way to fear, "_this_ is what I want to intercept, Gene. I want to stop him getting his hands on his younger self. Can you imagine it? Two Keatses side by side?"

"I'd rather not," Gene shuddered, "last time I did that it took a week to get the stains out me trousers."

"I'm _serious_," Simon hung his head slightly, "someone has to stop Keats from letting that young copper grow up as bitter and twisted as him. There's still time. It'll take months and years before he's able to function as close to normal as he ever gets. "If we start on him now –"

"The re-spray'll be dry by Christmas, will it?" Gene asked. Simon shook his head and sighed.

"You just don't understand," he whispered.

"You're right, Shoebury, I _don't_ understand," Gene barked, "I don't understand why you've decided to turn Mister Evil into your pet project when _you're_ the one whose blood he's baying for!"

"Because I can stop him from _doing_ that!" Simon cried

"Miracle worker now, are you?"

"No, just human."

"Which is more than he is!"

"How can he ever get better if no one's going to give him a fucking _chance?!"_ Simon cried and found a hand grasping him by the collar as his back met with a familiar filing cabinet.

"You're playing with fire, Simon," Gene warned in fury, "you're not just meddling with one Keats, you'll have two of them on the go." He hesitated, "or is that what you want?"

Simon tried to pull Gene's hands away from his collar.

"_God_, no!" he choked.

"If you think you can convert young PC James Keats into one of the good guys and get yourself a mini-Robin –"

"What? _No!"_ Simon cried.

"Everyone saw the bleedin' resemblance!" Gene reminded him.

"I want to _help_ him, not _hump_ him!" Simon cried, finally tugging himself free, "_God_…" he tried to straighten his tie and loosen his collar.

"I asked you to stay away from him," Gene said darkly, "Now I'm _telling_ you. He'll look at you and he'll see the one that got away. He's already gonna try claiming you thirteen years from now. You want him to get a two for the price o'one deal?"

Simon breathed heavily as he narrowed his eyes at Gene, but Gene's stare was no longer angry; it was worried and anxious. Simon swallowed and looked down. He could understand that.

"No," he said quietly.

"Then," Gene began, "you need to keep yer distance."

Simon just shook his head, wishing that Gene could at least try to see it from his point of view, but he'd lost hope of that. He just wanted to stop arguing about it because the argument was already wearing him thin.

"Just forget about the whole thing," he told Gene, "I can't go back again anyway. Keats is telling the hospital not to let me in to see him."

"Really?" Gene's tone hovered between being interested and sarcastic, "thought he'd have used you like the rabbit on the greyhound track. Incentive to get the crippled one out of bed."

"Gene," Simon cringed at his words and shook his head. "I've had enough of this. It's none of your business what I do anyway."

"When the safety of the station is at risk it becomes my business," Gene told him as he marched towards the door, "when the safety of my _friend_ is at risk it becomes my business," he called but Simon had already passed out of earshot, leaving Gene to close his eyes and flop heavily into his chair with frustration. Somehow he couldn't believe Simon would do the sensible thing and stay away. "_You're too bloody stubborn,"_ he mumbled to himself, "wherever could you have got _that_ from?"

~xXx~

"Alright, Kim, I'm going to take a look first before I turn the screen around to show you what's going on, OK?"

Kim could only nod; she couldn't speak, couldn't even think. Robin clutched her hand as the midwife spread gel across her belly and began to dig around with the probe. She couldn't remember feeling so scared in all of her life. As she looked at Robin's expression she could tell that he felt the same.

"What can you see?" he asked quietly, his voice catching as the midwife started to smile.

"Baby's looking strong and healthy," she smiled. She turned the screen around for them to see. "Look, there it is – you can see its little arms there, and legs."

Robin swallowed as his heart felt like it fluttered right out of his chest. He started to clutch Kim's had a little tighter and, forgetting the real reason for their scan, a smile spread across his face.

"_Kim, look,"_ he breathed but she couldn't even register what he'd said.

"What about dates?" she whispered, "can you tell us how long… I mean…"

"Just let me take a few measurements," the midwife told them, it won't take too long."

Kim glanced at Robin as the midwife tapped a few details into her computer and measured the baby on the screen. She felt extremely churned up; the mix of emotions was suffocating her. Everything had happened in such a whirlwind; from the sudden realisation that her body had been healed on her journey into the world, to the positive test and now there it was in front of her, a little life moving, thrashing, waving, almost showing-off on the screen.

"_Fuck"_ she whispered.

"Kim?" Robin said gently, "are you OK?"

Kim swallowed and nodded stiffly. She wasn't OK and they both knew it but what else could she do?

"All's looking good," the midwife piped, "there's no obvious cause for the bleeding on the scan."

"The dates?" Kim prompted.

"You're looking at about ten weeks," the midwife told her

Kim's eyes closed. She swallowed and felt Robin lean closer.

"I don't know what that means," he said quietly. Slowly she turned to look at him.

"It means," she said shakily, "that I conceived around the first week of October." A strong feeling of nausea crept up on her which she tried to swallow away was she saw Robin's complexion turn visibly paler.

"You were at Fenchurch West," he whispered, turning away so Kim couldn't see his eyes fill up with tears.

"…Or nine weeks."

Kim and Robins eyes moved back to the midwife.

"What?" Robin whispered.

"It could be nine weeks," the midwife repeated, "it's borderline. The baby's not lying in the best position for measuring. You're nine or ten weeks' pregnant. That's the closest estimate I can make."

Kim turned to Robin again. She bit her lip and swallowed as that one week's difference changed everything.

"One week later I was with you," she whispered, "It… it could be yours…" she swallowed, "or it might not."

"Is everything alright, Kim?" the midwife asked.

Kim didn't know how to respond to that. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to calm the dreads that were growing inside her.

"Fine," she whispered.

The midwife laid down the probe and wiped the worst of the gel from Kim's stomach.

"I'm going to speak to one of the consultants and see if he recommends an internal to locate the cause of the bleeding," she said as Kim sat up and scrubbed away the rest to the gel with rough paper towels.

"No _thank_ you," she whispered.

"I-if all was well on the scan we'll leave it at that for now," Robin said quietly. He looked at Kim with concern as she stood up and started to refasten her jeans.

"Here," the midwife handed Robin a little black and white picture. He took it with a trembling hand. "You can keep this one."

Robin bit his lip tearfully as he whispered,

"_Thank you."_

"You'll need to speak to your GP and get referred to the midwife at your local surgery for proper pre-natal care," the midwife said but her advice fell on deaf ears. Neither Robin nor Kim could think about anything but the fact that it was too close to call. Neither could work out who was shaking more as they silently left the hospital and stood in the car park, clinging to one another for dear life. Kim wasn't sure she would ever stop crying and Robin didn't know how to make his chest stop aching.

They'd seen tiny heart beating. They'd seen a little arm wave to them. It was so much more real now than it had been an hour ago.

And that made it scarier than either could have imagined.


	10. Chapter 9: A Friend In Need

**Chapter 9**

"Alex?"

Alex looked up from her file to see Robin lurking in the doorway.

"Robin, where on _earth_ have you been?" she cried, "Gene's on the warpath!" she noticed that his expression was fraught and his face streaked with tears, "Robin, what's happened?"

Robin swallowed and closed his eyes.

"Kim needs you," he whispered.

Immediately Alex scrambled to her feet.

"What's happened?" she asked quickly, "is she hurt?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Robin wiped his eye and shook his heads. He couldn't work out how to ever make himself feel any better. Pacing wasn't helping. "Alex, please listen to what I've got to say… don't jump in thinking it's a good thing before you've heard the full story."

Alex felt her stomach turn

"What's happened?" she whispered.

Robin hung his head and could hardly force out the words.

"Kim's pregnant," he whispered, "b-but," he flinched, "Alex… it's not…"

Somehow he didn't need to finish his sentence. Alex could tell from his face.

"Oh _no,"_ she whispered, "Please don't tell me… please say it's not?"

"They can't even _tell_ us, it's right on the cusp," he choked, "first two weeks of October. Couldn't tell us any more accurately than that." He couldn't hold back the tears any longer, past caring what Alex thought of him, "she's pregnant, and it could be mine or –" he flinched, "or it could be the very worst case scenario."

"Oh god, Robin," Alex didn't know what else to say so she held out her arms and he almost collapsed into them. Being strong enough for Kim was hard enough. He didn't have enough strength to keep himself going too.

~xXx~

Kim looked for all the world like a lost little girl as Alex opened the door of her office and found her sitting behind her desk, hugging her knees to her chest. The moment she saw Alex in the doorway a look of relief crossed her face and she let her legs drop to the floor.

"Ma'am," she said quietly.

Alex tried to smile but her lips looked strained.

"Robin said you needed me," she said softly.

Kim stared at Alex, desperately trying to force herself to deny that fact; to say that she was fine and didn't need anyone but every inch of her expression told Alex that was a lie and Kim knew that she wasn't going to convince her otherwise.

"Oh _ma'am_," she scrambled to her feet and before she could stop herself she ran toward her as Alex's arms opened to deliver her second hug in as many minutes. She could feel Kim's staggered breath against her as the terrible possibility weighed so heavily on her chest that she found it impossible to inhale the air properly.

"What are we going to do with you, Kim, hmm?" she said gently as she rubbed Kim's back, "I'm going to send you for sex education lessons. Teach you how to work out that you're pregnant before the baby's halfway out."

Kim gave a half-sob, half laugh that came out as a scrambled mess of noises. She clung to Alex for dear life, trembling and shaking.

"I don't know what to do," she cried.

"I'm so sorry," Alex told her. She held Kim while she cried and for some time that was all she could do. It was all Kim would _let_ her do. There was no way that she could speak to answer any of the questions that Alex needed to ask. It was a full five minutes before Kim managed to calm down enough for Alex to pull away from her slightly and look her in the eye. "You know we're all here to help you through this, don't you?" she told her, "_whatever_ happens, whatever you decide, we're all right here."

Kim nodded, her vision blurred with tears.

"I know," she whispered, "and I've never been so grateful." She closed her eyes and rubbed them on her sleeve as Alex gently guided her back to her chair and knelt down in front of her. There was a gnawing sensation in Alex's heart, a horrible memory of the dread she felt just before the end of 1995, after returning to her body to find that the other her and Keats had paid a visit to the basement. The fear that she could have been pregnant still chilled her to the bone. She remembered Kim in her younger guise; a brash young DS who gave Alex a friendly ear and a shoulder when she needed it most. Now Kim was in a similar position and all Alex wanted to do was take the fear away. She reached out and took Kim's hand gently.

"How are you feeling?" she asked quietly.

Kim rubbed away a tear.

"Wiped out," she whispered.

"I'm not surprised," Alex said quietly. She tried to look Kim in the eye but Kim's vision was fixed on the floor. "Robin said the hospital weren't very clear on your dates?"

"They said I was nine or ten weeks, Ma'am," Kim whispered, "that one week… it makes all the difference. Between the last time Keats…" she swallowed hard, "and the first time Robin and me… since we were back together… it was only days."

Alex nodded slowly.

"Can you have another scan?" she asked, "see if they can be more accurate?"

"I doubt it," Kim whispered, "technology's not like it was when I had my boys. Compared to that we're still in the bloody stone age. They can't pinpoint things as well as they do these days. I mean, as they _did_. Over there." She shook her head. Trying to get the right terminology for time zones and words was damn hard. "They gave me a two week window and that's as close as I'm going to get. Unfortunately it's…" she paused and shook her head, "it's the wrong two week window."

"Oh _Kim,"_ Alex desperately wished that she could wave a magic wand and have all the answers at her fingertips but all she could offer Kim was as much strength and support as she could. "Did you ask about DNA testing?"

"I didn't know what to say," Kim whispered.

"Would you like me to find out about it for you?" Alex asked quietly and finally Kim looked at her.

"Would you?" she whispered.

"Yes," Alex nodded, "yes of course."

Kim nodded silently and hung her head again. It took a few moments before she could pull herself together enough to speak again.

"You must think I'm the biggest idiot," she whispered.

"Why would I think that?" Alex asked with a gentle smile.

"All you ever see of me is finding out I'm pregnant when I'm already two or three months gone," Kim sniffed.

"Oh Kim, you're not alone," Alex shook her head, "I'm the last one who'd think you were an idiot. My track record isn't brilliant." She bit her lip as she looked at Kim anxiously. "I know this is hard but… but have you thought about what you're going to do yet?" she watched Kim's head fall lower, "whether or _not_ you are able to find out for sure whose baby this is."

"Ma'am, I have no idea," Kim whispered tearfully, "I want a baby so much it hurts, it _physically_ fucking hurts," she clenched her fists and screwed up her eyes. "But if it's Keats's baby…" she almost choked on the thought, "I can't stand the thought of it, I just feel so sick. The thought that there's a part of him in there," her hand met involuntarily with her stomach, "_in me."_

"We don't know it's his," Alex reminded her.

"But we don't know it's not," she shook her head, "Fuck, is that a chance I can _take?"_ she looked at Alex, her expression full of fear, "can I take the risk of having Keats's baby? But then, how could I take the risk of… of getting rid of it… if there was a chance it's Robin's?"

Alex could barely breathe herself. To see someone she cared about so much going through such terrible pain and the hardest decision of her life made her heart sting inside.

"Kim," she said quietly, "please don't rush this. Take things a step at a time. We'll see what we can find out about DNA testing first and go from there. In the meanwhile," she rubbed Kim's shoulder softly, "look after yourself, Kim. And let Robin look after you too."

Kim nodded slowly.

"OK," she whispered.

"You're going to come through this, Kim," Alex urged her, "you're strong and you're a survivor."

Kim wished that she could believe her but she felt like she was losing her strength fast. Even Kim had her limits. She felt like she'd just about reached them.

~xXx~

Gene had already downed a good measure when he heard his door opening and looked up to see a drained Alex stepping inside. She looked pale and worn, like the weight of the world had been placed on her shoulders. She spotted the bottle on his desk and zeroed in on it.

"Oh, I hope there's enough left in there for a very large glass," she sighed.

Gene raised his eyebrow.

"This could go one of two ways, Bols," he commented, "either you're going to have me up against the wall or down in despair. Which is it?"

Alex sighed sadly.

"The latter," she said.

"Bugger." Gene took out a glass and poured for her a large measure of scotch, then topped up his own. He handed her the glass as she sank into a chair. "Your day can't have been worse than mine, Drake," he told her.

"Ohh, I wouldn't bet on that," Alex shook her head.

"I've got me son and heir sniffing around mister Keats junior," Gene told her, a phrase that seemed to make Alex flinch. She drank rather a lot of scotch very quickly and stared into the remains.

"Young Keatses seem to be the theme of the day," she said quietly.

Gene stared at her.

"I don't know what you mean but it sounds about as positive as Shoebury reviewing Red Dwarf's last series."

"_Positive_," Alex repeated, "that's an unfortunate turn of phrase, Gene." She took another sip and looked up at him, her lips reluctant to impart the news. "Kim's pregnant, Gene," she hesitated, "and there's a question mark."

Gene stared at her, reading the worry in Alex's eyes. He swallowed, his expression severely serious and he dropped his head for a moment.

"I take it both candidates are dark haired, dark eyed…" he took a swig straight from the bottle, "but only one has the ability to find someone who'll occupy the other side of the bed without the use of gas and air."

"She doesn't know what to do," Alex shook her head, "Robin's in a mess, he's trying to be strong for Kim but he needs someone to be strong for him too."

Gene swallowed as a shudder travelled down his spine.

"Wouldn't be the first time Jimbo's put one up her," he said grimly.

"That's only part of the problem," Alex ran a hand through her hair, "Gene, you know what happened to me. In pregnancy." She flinched at the memories, "I faded out, I –"

"I don't need a rerun, Bols," Gene blanched, "it's permanently imprinted on me memory, believe me."

"You know what her papers said," Alex's vice dropped, "what if the same thing happens, Gene?"

"She was knocked up before and she didn't do a disappearing act!"

"But who's to say what condition she's in out there?" Alex hissed, "whichever is the stronger… "

"She plummeted from a bloody five story _building_, Bolly!" Gene cried, "the fact she didn't snuff it is the stuff of miracles. She probably resembles a pancake," he saw Alex flinch at his words. "Or worse. Maybe a bowl of pancake mix."

"This isn't helping," Alex swallowed.

"Just trying to point out the facts, Alex," Gene sighed and looked at her more seriously. "How many people have been in her place? How many of them even made it back? What happened to you was a one-off. Bad timing. Things cohabiting."

"Coinciding, Alex sighed, knowing Gene only said it so she would have to correct him.

"You were weaker here than you were out there when you slipped away," Gene told her, "can't see that happening to Stringer. She's got Batman shoving pizza down her neck all hours of the day and night."

"Eating a lot of pizza doesn't necessarily mean she's stronger," Alex said quietly.

"We can't start writing her a goodbye card every time she gets a flipping paper cut either!" Gene told her. He saw Alex nod slowly. She understood Gene's logic, she knew that her own circumstances had been different but she couldn't help but worry. Gene cleared his throat to get her attention back. "So," he began, "with Stringer being knocked up…"

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"…Yes?"

Gene pulled a face and pretended to do some paperwork.

"Don't suppose she's on pelvic rest, is she?"

Alex shrugged.

"Hope not," she said cheekily getting just the glare from Gene that she'd been hoping for. She laughed, she couldn't help it, and walked around to his side of the desk. "Gene, _thank_ you," she said quietly, "just for setting my mind a little at rest. After what happened to me I'm paranoid."

"You've been watching too many of Shoebury's X-Files videos," said Gene but his expression was sober and serious. "Stringer will be OK, Bolly. She'll _have_ to be. She's tougher than the bloody boots she wears. And they're tough," he shuddered, "she stood on me foot last week I couldn't walk for two days."

Alex rolled her eyes and admonished Gene for picking on Kim again but she felt a little more settled inside. Whatever happened to Kim and Robin, whatever happened with the baby, she was going to be there to help them survive it. As unlikely as it seemed, she had a feeling Gene would be too.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: Thank you so much for reading and especially for the reviews, I've really needed this to help me get through the last few weeks and your comments have kept me going. I'm going to give you all a shock to end the week now though – the fic that follows this one is going to be… fluff! Yes, you read that right, fluff! You're shocked? Imagine how I feel!**_


	11. Chapter 10: Blood Brothers

**Chapter 10**

Simon watched in confusion as Alex came in and out of Gene's office looking miserable and worried. She disappeared for a while, came back, talked to Gene and left with tears in her eyes.

"Alex?" he frowned as he stood up, "what's –" but she'd already gone before he could ask her what was going on. He sank back into his chair and huffed out a sigh. Whatever was going on seemed to not include him. "Not that anything ever _does_," he mumbled, folding his arms.

~xXx~

Kim and Robin looked up as the door opened and Alex hovered in the doorway, looking nervous.

"What did you find out?" Robin asked quickly, an arm around Kim's shoulders.

Alex walked to them slowly, her expression sad and serious.

"I spoke at length to a couple of people at Fenchurch General," she began, "somebody in the maternity department and another who deals with a lot of genetic matters. I'd feared this was the case, but at this point in time genetic testing is still difficult to carry out in utero and comes with risk to the baby," she sat down opposite them and laid her hand on Kim's comfortingly, "and even if you decide to go ahead with it there might be further issues with getting a paternity test," she sighed deeply, "the fact that Robin and Keats are half-brothers…" she looked at Robin, her brow creased with pain, "the testing isn't going to be as accurate as it would be between two unrelated men. There's a chance that it's going to be difficult to say for sure which is the father of this baby," she squeezed Kim's hand as her face fell, "to be sure you're not getting a false-positive based on their genetic similarities you'd have to get a sample from Keats too."

"No way," Robin said quickly.

"We can't risk him knowing about this," Kim shook her head.

"I already thought that's what you'd say," Alex nodded slowly.

Kim closed her eyes and breathed in deeply but the growing fear would barely let her take in the oxygen she needed right then.

"So I might never know?" she whispered.

"Not without getting both of them tested," Alex said softly, "Kim, I think you should ask for a second scan. If they rescan you the baby might be in a better position to get a more accurate estimate on the baby's age."

"But it could still be big or small for its age," Robin said quietly, "and a baby that's a little big for the number of weeks… could be mine, but be wrongly labelled as Keats's offspring."

Alex nodded slowly.

"That is a risk," she said gently, "yes."

Kim swallowed.

"Without testing Keats too there really is no way of knowing for sure," she whispered, "is there?"

"You can always try," Alex told her.

"But there would always be that element of doubt."

Alex nodded sadly.

"Most likely, she said.

"_Shit,"_ Kim swallowed.

"I'm so sorry," Alex whispered.

Kim stared at her knees, exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. She couldn't cope with any more for one night and even though she knew there was a big case waiting out there all she wanted to do was go home and hide away in bed.

"Could… could I go home please? She said quietly sounding like a school kid with a headache.

Alex nodded.

"Of course you can," she said quietly, "don't worry about work. We've got everything covered." She turned to Robin, "Go with her," she said, "Look after her."

"I will," Robin promised, "bed and pizza coming right up."

"I'm not hungry," Kim said quietly even though her stomach was rumbling again. Her mind and her body were at odds over the thought of managing a meal.

"Home first, then we'll decide on pizza," Robin told her, his hand resting against her shoulder.

Slowly they got to their feet and walked to the doorway. Alex rested a hand on the shoulders of them both. She wished that she had more than that to offer.

"_Hey!"_

Robin and Kim glanced into CID to see Simon getting to his feet, looking somewhat annoyed.

"Simon," Robin sighed, "Kim's not feeling well, I'm taking her home."

"Where the hell did you go?" Simon demanded, ignoring him completely, "all I did was tease Kim and the two of you disappeared for hours!"

"This isn't a good time," Alex said pointedly, raising an eyebrow to silence him but Simon had never been very good at knowing how to stop his mouth from flapping.

"I can't have pissed you off _that_ badly –" he continued but stopped talking suddenly as he caught sight of Kim's pale, tear streaked face. "Shit… Kim, you don't look good."

"You _think?"_ she rolled her eyes and hung her head a little.

"You were fine this morning," Simon pointed out unnecessarily, "eating everything in the building!" he froze as his eyes widened and his brain finally worked on the given evidence. "Hold on…"

"_Fuck,"_ Kim shook her head slowly.

"You've been feeling off for a while, right?" even Simon had to fill in the blanks sometime. Feeing somewhat strange about the situation he looked at Robin and asked awkwardly, "Are… are congratulations in order?"

Robin hesitated and glanced at Kim who looked back at him.

"You might as well tell him," she sighed.

"Are you pregnant?" Simon asked her bluntly.

"It's not that simple," Kim whispered.

"You _are_ pregnant though?"

"Yes," Robin said quickly, "yes, she's pregnant."

"O-Ohh…" Simon felt strange as he looked from one to the other. Even though he and Robin had put the past behind them and become very close friends the fact that his ex-boyfriend and his best friend could somehow create a little person made him feel strange and a little squeamish. "Congratulations," he said uncomfortably but the expressions on their faces confused him. "Is it… _not_… congratulations?" he hesitated as Robin and Kim exchanged a sad look. "What? Oh for goodness sake, someone tell me what's going on!"

Robin swallowed, then closed his eyes.

"It might not be congratulations," he said quietly, "because we don't know if…" he flinched, "if it's mine."

"What?" Simon's vice gasped out in confusion. He turned to Kim as his eyes widened. "Oh my god," he cried, "Kim, how could you _do_ that to him?"

With confusion Kim squinted at him.

"What?"

"_Cheating on Robin!"_ Simon cried. In anger and disbelief he marched across to them and cried, "I _knew_ you'd been unfaithful in the past but I thought you'd changed!"

"You actually think…" Kim began, her jaw dropping.

"What the fuck- _Simon?!"_ Robin cried, "She didn't cheat on me!"

"It's not exactly the immaculate conception, _is_ it?!" cried Simon but any further comment was cut short by a fist as Kim's fury and anger built up. "_Oof!"_ he stumbled backwards while Kim rubbed her knuckles.

"_Kim!"_ Alex drew back as Simon rubbed his jaw and looked at her in shock.

"She _punched_ me!" he cried.

"If she hadn't done it I would have," Robin cried angrily.

"No one warned me world war three was about to start," Gene blustered out of his office and stormed towards the racket angrily, "one of you want to tell me what's got yer tempers more frayed than Malcolm's old trousers?"

"Doesn't matter," Robin snapped but Simon was still bewildered.

"If she's not cheating on you then what the hell is the problem?" he cried.

"Because she spent a month being drugged with gas and air by your guilty little _crush!"_ Robin yelled, his face burning with fury. Simon's face began to burn for a wholly different reason as his mouth dropped open and his eyes darted around the looks on the faces of those around him.

"He is _not_ my –" he began through gritted teeth but his heart sank very suddenly as the truth behind Robin's words dawned on him and he turned to Kim, "Oh my _god_… Keats… it's Keats's baby…"

"We don't know for sure," Kim whispered.

"It's borderline," Robin said quietly.

"Shit," Simon leaned back against the wall, running his hands through his hair desperately looking for a distraction. He saw Kim's eyes spilling over again. Robin looked like he was threatening to do the same. "Are… are you sure it could be his? I mean…"

"We went for a scan," Robin said quietly, "it happened near the start of October. It could have been the end of Keats's abuse or the start of us being back together."

Simon swallowed as his guts churned.

"That… that was quite a while ago…." he volunteered.

"Kim had a hysterectomy before she came here," Robin said quietly, "she didn't think she could have children so she didn't even think that was a possibility until today." He shrugged a little sadly, "sometimes bodies heal on their way over, I suppose."

"Oh god, Kim," Alex whispered, her heart sinking., "You didn't tell me… I didn't know…"

"Not really important now," Kim whispered.

Simon swallowed.

"So when are you…" he nodded towards Kim, "_you know."_

Kim bit her lip.

"I'm due in June, she whispered.

"No, I mean," Simon found himself sweating, "when are you going to_… you know…"_ he was frustrated to find a lot of blank faces staring at him, "deal with things?" still the faces were blank. "_Get rid of it?"_ he said, cringing.

"_Simon!"_ cried Robin.

"_What?"_

"There's a fifty percent chance that's my baby!" Robin stepped forward, yelling.

"And there's a fifty percent chance it's Keats's!" cried Simon.

"Please don't do this," Kim whispered. The yelling was jarring her head as a migraine began.

"We don't have a fucking clue what we're going to do yet," Robin told him angrily, "that's a decision the two of us need time to make."

"How can you even take the risk?" cried Simon.

"_You're_ a fine one to talk!" Robin cried, "considering what's been on your mind. Or should I say who."

"What?" Kim whispered, clutching her forehead.

"What?" Alex frowned.

"Robin, that was _private,"_ Simon snapped in fury, "It's no one else's business, I can't believe you'd –"

"I can't believe _you!"_

"Are you bloody knocking off the spectacled Devil?" Gene demanded.

_"No!"_ cried Simon.

"No, you just _think_ about it all the time," Robin said angrily.

"That's bullshit!" cried Simon, "I told you, it's just that he…" he looked around desperately, "he… he has these _moments_… he goes human and –"

"Like the bedbound one you've been feeding grapes to?" Gene demanded.

"What do you mean?" Robin frowned, looking from Simon to Gene.

"Been visiting Little Jim in hospital, he has," Gene said crossly, "holding his hand and telling him the world loves him."

"I just want to save him from himself!" Simon flinched as he realised how stupid that sounded. "The other Keats –"

"_I can't –"_ A sudden breathy gasp from Kim stopped Simon mid-sentence.

"What?" he glanced at her as she felt her legs weaken and her head started to spin.

"I can't take all the shouting," her face seemed to screw up with pain as she began to drop to her knees.

"_Kim!"_ Robin turned around and panicked a little as he saw her falling while Alex caught her under her arms before she hit the floor.

"You're OK, you're OK," she said quietly.

"Is it the baby?" Robin cried but Kim shook her head gently and whimpered.

"No, my head," she whispered. The room was spinning and she flopped back into Alex's arms as she knelt down, leaving Kim's head resting in her lap.

"Someone get her some water or something," Alex looked up at Gene, "and I mean _water_, not scotch!"

"Got no faith in me common sense whatsoever!" Gene complained as he began to walk away.

"_Help me," _Kim whispered. Her head throbbed harder and harder, the sound of blood rushing in her ears, "please, help me –" her eyes closed firmly as she felt as though the ground started falling away from her, The pulsing grew stronger and she couldn't feel Alex's legs beneath her any more. She started to feel sick and hot and there was a strange bleeping in the background as snatches of voices filtered through –

"_Won't wake until –"_

"_- damage is so severe that –"_

" –_not in a good position to –"_

" – _Mummy –"_

" – _let me see her, she called me last -"_

" – _going to try a new –"_

"_- see if she –"_

" – _Kim –"_

"_- Kim –"_

"_Kim!"_

The final voice forced her eyes open and although the world was still spinning hard she felt a little less scared and a little more grounded.

"Kim, god –" Robin knelt in front of her, "what the fuck happened? You scared the _life_ out of me."

"I'm…" she blinked and swallowed as she started to feel nauseous again, "I don't know, I just blanked out –"

"I'll take you to my office," Alex said gently, "you should sit down for a little while. I'll call an ambulance."

"I'm not going in a bloody ambulance!"

"You passed out!"

"I've got a migraine, I'll be fine," Kim whispered but Alex wasn't so sure.

"At least sit down while we find you some water," she told her, "Gene will be back with some soon."

"Where's he gone to get it anyway?" Robin cried, "the reservoir?"

"Gene isn't used to the joys of 'water'," Alex told him, "he's probably trying to get some from the off-licence." She helped Kim slowly to her feet. "Kim, come on. We'll look after you."

"I'm fine," Kim said quiet but she certainly didn't look it. As Robin began to walk away with her Simon called him back. He glanced around and shook his head.

"Not now, Simon," he said quietly.

"Rob, I'm sorry," he said quietly. He swallowed so hard that Robin could see his Adam's apple rise and fall. "Can… could we talk?" Robin looked from Simon's devastated face to Kim's weakened body, "please?"

"Kim needs me," he said quietly.

"I think Simon does too," Alex told him. To Robin's shock Simon seemed tearful. "It's alright, I'll take care of Kim."

Robin looked a little unsure but between Kim's little smile, Alex's reassurance and the pained look on Simon's face he eventually agreed

"Alright," he said slowly. He watched Alex slowly lead Kim away and then turned to Simon. "OK," he said quietly, "what have you got to say?"

There were lots of things that Simon needed to say to him, to tell him, to ask him but he knew exactly where to begin.

"_Sorry,"_ he whispered.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: Sillivan, I was very impressed with you doing your homework yesterday, especially since I knew the testing-both-brothers part was coming up in the next chapter :D excellent timing! I'm actually about a week ahead with my chapter backlog at the moment so I'm going to sneak in an extra update tonight :)**_


	12. Chapter 11: Testing Times

_**A/N: Sneaky extra chapter! Shhhhhh!**_

**Chapter 11**

Simon shook his head as he stared at the floor.

"Robin… I'm so sorry. My reaction couldn't have been worse. I know that." He looked up at Robin who seemed wary and Simon couldn't blame him, "but you have to see it from my point of view."

"You mean that everyone's cheating on everyone?" Robin asked but Simon shook his head.

"I don't mean that," he said, "although I'm sorry for that too." He sighed deeply. "Keats raped Kim repeatedly, Rob."

"You think I don't know that?" cried Robin, "you think I haven't held her every night when she wakes up screaming?"

"If there's any possibility of that baby being his then I can't understand how you can ever consider letting her keep it," Simon told him, "every time either of you look at it… it'll be a reminder."

Robin's face darkened. He turned away and shook his head.

"That's between me and Kim," he said.

"I'm trying to _understand_ Rob, that's all!"

"Simon, this could be her best shot at having a _baby_," Robin snapped, turning back to Simon. His expression was hurt and fraught, "this could be the best chance she's got."

"What the hell do you mean?"

"There's something wrong with me, Simon, there's _got_ to be!" Robin cried, "three times she's been pregnant since we've been together and all three times she's miscarried. She had her sons with no problem – it's _got_ to be me."

"Robin!" Simon frowned, "That's ridiculous!"

"Is it?"

"_Yes!"_ Simon tugged on his hair, "she miscarried here too, remember? That was Keats's baby."

"But things were different then!" Robin cried, pacing up and down, "she was smoking, drinking heavily, partying every night."

"Yeah," Simon began, "but look at what's happened the other times. She was shot twice in the _guts!_ Is it any wonder the baby didn't make it, Rob?" Simon saw Robin's expression contort with pain, "and the first time she'd just been hit by a _car! _She told me everything, Rob, so I know the facts." He walked toward Robin and laid a hand on his shoulder. "And the _other_ time," he began quietly, "maybe it was bad luck. Or maybe it was too soon. Or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. But it's _nothing_ to do with you, Robin. I'm sure of that." He dropped his head, "you've both been through so much and I'm really, truly sorry. But making Kim go through a pregnancy that's got this kind of question mark over it –"

"I'm not making her do anything!" cried Robin, "we haven't talked. We only found out today. We don't even know what we're going to do yet." He sank into a chair as the truth came to rest on his shoulders like a ten ton weight. He drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "_Fuck,"_ he whispered, "I think it's all just hit me."

Simon swallowed, feeling so much worry for Robin's broken expression.

"Rob," he whispered, "I know I've fucked things up today. My reaction was the last thing you needed. But… but whatever you both decide… you know I'm here, don't you?"

Robin glanced at him.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Simon sat down beside him and looked at him seriously.

"What do you want to do?" he asked, "I mean, what do you _really_ want to do? Forgetting any thoughts about Kim… about thinking this is the only way she'll have a child."

"I don't know," Robin admitted quietly, "there _is_ a test they can do… but it's risky for the baby. What if we test and it's mine, and then she loses it because we had the procedure? We'd never forgive ourselves. Or if she doesn't have it and we never knew whose baby it was… what if we couldn't handle not knowing? What if we couldn't bond with the baby in case it sprouted horns and a tail?" he shook his head. "And besides," he whispered, "the test is next to useless if we can't get a DNA sample from Keats too."

"How do you mean?"

"We're half-brothers, Si," Robin whispered, "we share a lot of the same genes. Our DNA might be similar enough for me to get a false positive result. They need to test both of us to see which shares the most DNA with the baby. The last thing we need is him sniffing around Kim while she's pregnant. If the baby's his, who knows _what_ lengths he'd go to to get his hands on them both. Can you imagine trying to get a covert sample from Keats?"

Simon hesitated, biting on his lip.

"Yes," he muttered, "yes, I _can_ imagine."

"What?"

Simon turned to Robin. His expression was hopeful yet anxious.

"I have to ask you a favour, Rob," he said quietly, "the biggest favour you'll ever have to do for me."

Robin looked at him.

"What?"

Simon glanced down.

"Gene was right," he whispered, "I _have_ been visiting the other Keats. I've seen him twice."

Robin hesitated.

"Why?" he asked quietly, "Simon, that's the man who spent _years_ trying to track you down… who killed a man and injured others because he was trying to find you. He made you think he'd raped you, he made _me_ think you were _cheating_ on me, I mean…"

"I know, I _know_ that," Simon said quickly, "and that's why." He sighed and looked down. "No one gave that man a chance when he woke up. He was passed from pillar to post and no one really cared. He was more or less left to his own devices to go crazier and crazier. No one tried to help him out of the cycle so he became more and more twisted. I want to stop that happening, Rob. He was a man once. We saw his video… me, Kim, Gene, Alex… we all watched it. He went on a job and had bad instructions from an idiot sergeant who was never brought to task over his injuries. He came here the first time around, all bent up over not following protocols and procedures and became more and more bitter until he was so disillusioned with life that when he encountered the opposite energy to Gene's he took it on gladly and it turned him into something terrible. But the man's still in there, Rob. I've seen it."

Robin stared at Simon.

"I'm a little scared of how hung up on him you are," he whispered.

"I'm not hung up on him," Simon said quietly.

"Yes you are," Robin said quietly. He wondered if maybe he was a tiny bit jealous. He sighed and swallowed. "There's obviously some part of him that you can see that the rest of us can't," he whispered.

"The part he lets me see," Simon corrected, "the human part. For some reason he thinks I'm the only one who can help him be a man again instead of a monster. Maybe because no one else even wants to try." He hung his head, "maybe he's right." He looked back to Robin, "I'm not the only one who's been visiting him, Robin."

"What do you mean?"

"His older self," Simon told him quietly, "he's taking care of him. He's told the hospital he's his own uncle." He gave a bitter laugh, "he's telling them not to let me visit him any more. Shit, Rob, he's going to be his own mentor. He's going to help himself to get stronger faster and lead him right to me, or you," he sighed, "or our younger selves."

"_Fuck,"_ Robin whispered.

"I can't let this happen, Rob," he said quietly.

"How can you stop it?" Robin whispered.

Simon bit his lip.

"That's the favour, Robin," he said quietly. He looked at Robin who was staring back blankly. "You're his brother."

"_Half_-brother."

"Still a relation," Simon told him, "Keats is ordering a DNA test to prove they're related. I need you to undergo one, too."

"What good will that do?" frowned Robin.

"I need you to claim care of him," Simon told him. He saw Robin reel in horror. "You don't have to do anything but undergo the test, Rob, once it's been proven that you're his next of kin I'll take over everything. I've already planned the best way to take care of him."

"Simon, he shares the exact same DNA as his younger self," Robin frowned, "why ever would they give me control?"

"No one has identical DNA unless they're twins," Simon told him, "if they test him and his DNA is identical then they'll think there's been a mistake or he's fixed it. In fact, that's what I'm going to say to them. I'll tell them he's fixing the test. They'll believe a test showing you're his half-brother more than a test showing identical DNA. I can prove to the hospital that he has a track record of violence and mental issues to back me up, but I still need someone related to him to take responsibility for his care." He looked down. "It's the best chance we've got, Rob."

Silence greeted him as Robin thought things over. Simon closed his eyes. Had he fucked everything up even more? He started to think he had until he felt a hand on his knee.

"I'll do it."

Simon turned to Robin with genuine surprise across his face.

"What?" he whispered.

"I said," Robin began quietly, "I'll do it. I'll have the test and claim responsibility for him. But I'm not lifting one _fucking_ finger to help that prototype fuckface. OK?"

"That's all I ask," Simon said, a sigh of relief escaping.

"And," Robin swallowed, "I need to ask for a favour in return." he could barely breathe, "the DNA samples…"

Simon bit his lip.

"You want an extra sample, don't you?" he whispered and Robin nodded.

"Kim and I need to talk about what to do," he whispered, "but if we decide we want the test…" he sighed and shook his head, "at least we'll have a way."

Simon nodded.

"OK," he whispered.

Robin gave him a tiny, thankful smile and got to his feet.

"I need to find Kim," he said quietly, "I need to make sure she's alright. "

Simon nodded.

"Do me a favour?" he said.

"Another one?"

Simon nodded.

"Look after her, OK?"

Robin's smile wobbled a little. As much as he loved Kim he knew that she and Simon had shared a very special friendship going back to her first time around. The fact that they'd picked it up again where they left off made him feel reassured somehow.

"Of course I will," he whispered.

As Robin left to find Kim Simon sighed and put his head in his hands. The day had started out so ordinarily and ended up such an emotional disaster area. It had all gone downhill from the moment Kim had stormed out of the office. He swallowed and shook his head.

"I wish I'd never heard her bloody stomach rumbling," he groaned and decided teasing Kim was more trouble than it was worth.


	13. Chapter 12: Lip Service

**Chapter 12**

Kim's eyes opened slowly as a chink of light shone through the curtains. That was worrying for a start. It was December and usually the sky was still pitch black when she prepared for work in the morning. She sat bolt-upright, looking for the alarm clock.

"Oh _fuck_, I've overslept!" she cried but an arm fell around her shoulder and she found herself encased in a sudden hug.

"_Shhh,"_ Robin said soothingly, "no you're not. We're not going in today."

"What? Why?" Kim couldn't make sense of what was going on. Her head felt fuzzy, like it was full of slightly jagged cotton wool.

"You had a funny turn yesterday" Robin reminded her softly, "I brought you home and put you to bed. You've slept right round."

"_Shit_," Kim rubbed her forehead as things slowly came back to her. "I… I had a really bad migraine," she whispered.

"It must have been the stress," Robin told her, rubbing her shoulder.

Like a storm cloud rolling in, the full truth of the previous day dawned on her and she closed her eyes.

"_Shit."_

"How are you feeling?" Robin asked her as he rubbed her shoulders.

Kim swallowed.

"A little off-colour," she whispered. Her stomach was feeling decidedly unsettled, she had to admit, but she thought she could keep it under control. She glanced at Robin. "It's real, isn't it?" she whispered, "everything that happened yesterday. The test… the scan."

Robin nodded very slowly.

"Yes," he whispered.

Kim's eyes turned downward.

"It's hanging over me like a fucking axe," she whispered.

Robin nodded again.

"I know," he whispered, "me too." His hand reached forward and he grasped hers within it. He hated to begin the conversation but he had no choice. "We need to decide what we're going to do," he said, "about the testing"

"You know what Alex said," Kim said quietly, "for the test to be accurate they'd need a sample from both of you."

"I can get one," Robin said quickly and Kim looked at him in shock.

"What? _How?"_

"It's a long story," Robin said quietly, "but Simon asked me a favour. Keats is trying to gain legal responsibility for his younger self, Kim. He wants to basically train him up. Keats leading Keats, evil leading evil…"

"Oh my god," Kim swallowed, "he can't do that."

"Simon wants to stop him" Robin told her, "he needs me to have a DNA test to prove I'm his half-brother. He thinks the hospital will think that having identical DNA will be written off as fraud or a mistake and prove I should be given responsibility."

"And when you are, will you be flushing him down the toilet?" Kim asked.

"I wish," Robin sighed, "Simon wants to get him proper help. Real rehabilitation, mentally as well as physically." He paused. "He wants to help him be human."

"Oh," Kim sighed, closing her eyes. She rubbed her forehead as she struggled to wrap her head around everything. "So… so when they test his DNA…"

"They will take an extra sample," Robin told her, "for us. When we want it. If we want it." He paused. "Do we want it?"

Kim hesitated, staring at the wall. It took a long time for her to get up the courage to deliver her reply.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Yes?" Robin repeated quietly and Kim turned to look him in the eye.

"I've tried to be better than this, Rob," she whispered, "I've tried to make myself believe it wouldn't matter… that I'd love this baby no matter what… and perhaps I would, but…" she paused and swallowed, "how can I _know_ that? What if it's always there, lurking? What if it comes out in arguments years down the line? I need to know, Rob." She hung her head. "Maybe we both do."

Robin bit his lip and nodded slowly.

"We do," he whispered, encasing her in an embrace that they both needed as much as one another. He closed his eyes as he ran his hand up and down her back, giving her whatever little comfort he could. His lips pressed softly to her cheek and then he pulled away slightly. "Kim," he whispered, "we're going to be alright."

Kim wasn't sure but she nodded anyway.

"I love you, Rob," she whispered which took Robin by surprise. They both knew it, but they rarely said the words. He clutched her hand tightly.

"_I love you too,"_ he whispered.

He pressed his forehead against hers. It was a small gesture but one that made her feel loved and safe. That was something she really needed right then.

"So," she whispered, "what's the next step?"

Robin took a deep breath.

"Simon's going to the hospital this morning," he said quietly, "he'll call us to let us know what they say about the testing and if all is well we can go ahead today." He looked her in the eye. "If you're ready?"

Kim hesitated, then nodded determinedly.

"I'm ready," she whispered. She closed her eyes. "So what do we do? Just wait for the phone to ring?"

"That and make sure you're OK," Robin told her. To prove a point he laid her down and stroked her cheek. "And I'm going to start by offering you breakfast."

Kim hiccupped.

"Ugh, not sure I'm ready for that yet," she said quietly.

"Nothing at all?" Robin asked and Kim hesitated.

"Maybe windows six, seven and eight on the advent calendar," she said nervously and Robin gave her a warm smile.

"I'll even throw in number nine," he told her.

~xXx~

Simon walked briskly through the hospital corridor and past the desk where he caught a flurry of activity from the corner of his eye.

"Excuse me," the woman behind the desk called as she jumped to her feet, "Excuse me! Excuse me, sir?" Finally Simon stopped walking as she ran from behind the desk and caught him up. He turned around slowly.

"Yes?" he asked.

The woman looked anxious.

"I'm very sorry sir but James's uncle has asked us to prevent you from visiting his nephew," she said awkwardly.

Simon flinched. This was it, he knew it was coming but it was still a moment he'd been dreading. He hung his head for a second, then reached into his pocket for his arrest warrant.

"As you are aware I'm a detective chief inspector with Fenchurch East," he said quietly, "are you aware who the gentlemen claiming to be James's uncle actually_ is?"_

"He showed us his driver's licence," the woman said, realising how stupid that actually sounded.

"He's a very disturbed man," Simon told her, "he previously worked at Fenchurch West. He was charged with the abduction of two of my colleagues, assaulting one and raping the other. He has a long history of assault and violence and he's trying to cash in because he happens to share the same name as the man residing in that bed."

The woman looked from Simon to the doorway of the room, swallowing nervously.

"The young man has no money," she said quietly, "how can he _cash in?"_

"He wants to take over his identity," Simon bluffed, "he's already squatting in his flat. He shares the same name so everyone assumes he's the James Keats who has a right to be there." Knowing he needed a little back-up, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a newspaper cutting from Keats's trial, not only listing the charges he faced but pinning his current place of residence as the Falcon Building. "Here. Check the patient's address on your system. He's taken over his flat and that's just to start with." He watched the expression on the woman's face grow darker as the full implication hit her.

"But… but he's agreed to undergo a DNA test…" she whispered.

"He's going to fix the test," Simon just hoped that the rest of the evidence was enough to avoid too many questions about that particular matter, "he's going to use DNA straight from James. Switching samples or something. His DNA will come out identical. And even if he _was_ related, Chief Inspector Robin Thomas at Fenchurch East is a closer blood relation."

The woman looked somewhat bewildered.

"What do you mean?"

"He's James's half-brother," Simon explained, "they share a father; a father who at the moment is residing at her majesty's pleasure. Robin will take responsibility for matters relating to James's care."

"He'll have to go through a DNA test to prove it," The woman said warily.

"He's happy to do so," Simon nodded, "and he'll do it today. But there is one extra catch."

With a heavy heart and a quiet voice Simon explained that a second DNA sample was needed; one that would be taken away immediately so it 'couldn't be altered'. The moment Simon mentioned that the sample was needed for a paternity test relating to a victim of repeated drugging and sexual assault the woman turned pure white and hesitantly agreed to Simon's requests,. He had the official paperwork to back them up, even if it seemed a little unofficial in method.

"I truly appreciate your assistance and support," Simon told her as she arranged the necessary appointments and called the appropriate members of staff to discuss the matter with Simon.

When eventually the matter was settled as far as possible and only Simon and the woman he'd first addressed remained she turned to him and said anxiously.

"Sir… the man claiming to be James's uncle is actually in his room at the moment. Would you suggest calling security or –"

"It's alright," Simon shook his head, "I'll deal with this."

The woman looked relieved – the last thing she wanted was to bring in more people to the situation. She felt terrible for the hospital's non-questioning acceptance of Keats's identity and the more she could leave to the detective who'd exposed him the better.

Simon set his expression straight and marched toward the room. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the inevitable clash and marched through the doorway. Keats's head snapped around and he jumped to his feet angrily at the sight of Simon.

"I told them to keep you _out," _he barked, wagging his finger in fury.

"Funny, that," Simon began, "_I_ told them some things too. I told them all the reasons why you shouldn't be allowed to be put in charge of his care."

The young Keats stared at them both, unable to say anything even though he tried to move his lips and a low rasp emerged from his throat.

"I'm giving them a sample of my DNA," Keats sneered, "I'd like to see you discount _that."_

"Already have done," Simon told him angrily.

"You really are pathetic," Keats spat, edging closer, "do you know that? Your own little life is so sad and pitiful that you've got nothing to spend your time on apart from sitting next to vegetables in beds."

"You just described yourself as a bloody vegetable!" Simon cried.

"Well he _is!"_ Yelled Keats, "he can't do a thing for himself! That's why he needs someone to take care of him."

"Your version of taking care of him seems to involve taking his disturbed mind and twisting it until it snaps," Simon used his height to exert as much threat over Keats as he could, stepping forward and staring him in the eye as he yelled.

"Ohhhh, that's nice," Keats sneered, "_you_ just described me as _disturbed!"_

"I said his _mind_ was disturbed!" Simon cried, "and can you blame him? After what he went through? After what we _all_ go through?" he could feel his face flushing as the blood ran to it in anger, "when we wake up we're different and some of us find a way to live our own lives again but you never even tried!"

"I spent thirteen fucking _years_ clawing back some semblance of a normal life!" Keats screamed.

"Your life was never normal!"

"I took as much back as I could!"

"You took _revenge_, that's not the same."

"You fucking _deserved_ it!"

"_No one_ deserves what you did to me!" Simon screamed

"You destroyed my life here the first time around!"

"You _killed_ me!"

"I didn't fire the bullet."

"You changed its _path!"_

"You got away from me!"

"That'd all it ever comes down to, isn't it?!" imon cried, _"the one that fucking got away?_" he stared Keats right in the eye, "I'm just another fucking man, Keats. Why am _I_ so important to you?"

"_Important?"_ Keats gave a fitful laugh, "You mean _nothing!"_

"That's not how it seems, Keats!"

"I don't give a _fuck_ how it seems, Simon," Keats grabbed Simon by the jaw and slammed his head against the wall as he gave a gasp of shock and pain, "you're _nothing._ You're a cheap knock off of a relic from another time who's been given a whole lot of power that he doesn't know what to do with. So take your _knight in shining armour _routine and your big baby blues and _do one."_

He dropped Simon so suddenly that he almost fell to the ground, coughing and spluttering. He tugged on his tie to loosen it again and stared Keats in the eye, trying to think of a retort but actions spoke louder than words and giving in to his urge Simon made a leap forward with a fist heading for his face.

"Don't even fucking –" Keats began as he grasped Simon by the shoulders and shoved him back against the wall, "don't lay a _fucking finger_ –" he stopped abruptly as his eyes fixed on Simon's and all at once those feelings were back, the ones he'd tried so hard to fight the day before. These were sensations he wasn't used to and ones that disturbed him deeply; the fluttering sensation in his stomach that quickly moved down between his legs, the increasing rate of his heart, the burning of his face as his blood flowed ever faster and the most overwhelming need for _something_, something physical and animalistic. It had taken all he had to fight it the day before and this time the feelings overpowered him as, barely able to stop for breath, he moved sharply forward and pressed his mouth hard against Simon's, closing his eyes as he sucked forcefully against his lips and ran his tongue against them.

In a state of sheer shock Simon couldn't even react at first. He stood stiffly, as shocked by the kiss as he was from being thrown against the wall. Between the sharp throbbing in his head, the stiffening in his pants and the tongue in his mouth he didn't know what he was supposed to take care of first.

Keats drew back momentarily, staring at Simon whose eyes were open as wide as saucers. He didn't know if he'd ever seen someone look so shocked in all his life. Keats swallowed as his own expression reflected Simon's and tried to force out some words, a mumbled explanation, but his lips didn't want to help him speak. There was only one thing they wanted to do.

Quickly catching his breath he scooped in towards Simon's mouth again, cupping his face as he pushed his lips against Simon's once again. This time Simon came back to life, shaking himself out of his shocked stupor fast enough to start kissing Keats back with a needful groan as months of loneliness and illicit longing burst forth. His hands rose to Keats's hair; sliding through his waves, pulling his face closer but as he felt his legs starting to weaken and his groin threatening to burst its way out of his pants Keats pulled violently away, reeling in horror as he clasped his mouth and stared at Simon with horrified eyes.

"What the fucking _hell_ –" he cried, spitting and clutching his head.

_"What?"_ cried Simon, his tie askew and his expression distorted by shock and desperation.

"Get the _fuck_ out of this room!" Keats cried.

"You can't just –"

"_Out!"_

"You –"

"_Out!"_ Keats's final word was screamed with such anger and devastation that Simon felt sure he saw his eyes starting to fill up with unexpected tears. He swallowed hard, his mouth open as he tried to work out what was going on but the sight of Keats sinking to his knees and giving an anguished scream as he pulled so hard at his own hair that a tuft came right out shocked Simon so deeply that he just had to run. He couldn't bear to see it, he couldn't bear to watch Keats disintegrate but more than that he couldn't stand the thought that Keats had started something that quickly destroyed him, the same thing that Simon had wanted so much.

"Oh _shit,"_ he breathed as he stumbled toward the doorway.

He barely remembered scrambling out of the hospital, he didn't know how he got back to his car, all he could think of was the fact that he could still feel Keats's lips pressed up against his. He threw himself into the driver's seat and closed his eyes, breathing heavily.

He had no idea what had just happened but his body wasn't going to let him forget it for quite some time.


	14. Chapter 13: Swab the Decks

**Chapter 13**

"Sir?"

"_Not now,"_ Simon waved his arm at Jake as he marched through the office, a file clutched strategically between his legs to hide the remaining evidence. He'd been trying to make his hard-on go away for the past ten minutes and so far he hadn't succeeded.

"But –" Jake began.

"Need to make a call," Simon said hastily as he grabbed a few things from CID and hurried to his own office where he could shut the door and breathed a sigh of relief. "You and I are going to have some very serious words tonight," Simon told his over-active appendage as he tried to make himself more comfortable and get on with something to get Keats off his mind. He flipped through a couple of pages in a small diary and found the number he was looking for. "Right," he mumbled as he dialled. A few seconds later Robin answered.

_"Hello?"_

"Rob," Simon began quietly, "it's done."

There was a moment of silence.

"_You've set up the testing?"_ he asked quietly. Simon swallowed and flinched at the thought of what the two people he cared about most were about to go through.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "they're going to test Keats this morning. You're booked in for twelve. Kim's procedure will be at half past."

"_OK,"_ Robin's voice was quiet and low. He sighed a little. _"Do I have to… you know… bring a magazine…?"_

Simon gave a sad smile.

"You're thinking of sperm samples," he told Robin.

"_Sorry."_

"No problem."

He hung up the phone and bowed his head slowly. The past few days had been some of the most traumatic they'd been through. He wasn't sure how well they were going to make it through the other side.

~xXx~

Gene stared at the flashing red light on his phone.

"Well are you going to answer that then?" Alex asked.

Gene folded his arms.

"Nah," he said, "thought I'd just use it like a disco."

"Oh for god's sake," Alex sighed, leaning forward and pressing a couple of buttons, "one of these days you're going to have to work out how to play your own messages you know." She raised an eyebrow as she leaned back and let the message play.

"_Alright,"_ the voice began, a sudden sniffing on the line giving away the identity of the caller, "_I've found one thing for you but that's all, that's as much as I can get."_ He paused and gave a sigh. _"Some of Nick's biggest… business rivals are the ones who once wanted to be partners. You might want to see who he upset back in his prime. All I can tell you is that it's not a random takeover taking place. They're all Nailer's men. It's personal." _There was another violent sniff on the line. "_I'll be at the darts tonight if you feel like dropping a note in my pocket."_

Gene looked at Alex as the message ended.

"Think I might be extremely busy tonight avoiding the darts," he said.

Alex was thinking over Sniff's message.

"Nailer was a well-liked man in those circles" she pointed out, "he'll have fewer nemeses than a lot of people in his position."

"Enough to keep us busier than Stringer in a jewellery shop," said Gene He walked to the door and opened it to look for Marci and Jake "Oi, Nicey Spice," he called, "Your friend Henderson got any bad blood with Nailer?"

"I don't know, Guv, but we can find out," Marci said, getting up quickly.

"Check the archive room, I'll get on the system," Jake said, booting up his computer.

"No problem," Marci clip-clopped her way down the corridor in her monstrously tall shoes to seek out the files she was sure she'd spotted the day before but as she passed Simon's door something made her glance inside. She didn't know why. But she wasn't expecting to see him looking so lost and confused, pacing up and down and chewing on his fingernails. "Sir?" she knocked on the door as she opened it and Simon looked up, his face a picture of anxiety. "Sir, are you… alright?" she felt like that was a stupid question considering the way he looked but she didn't know what else to say.

"Fine," Simon told her, trying to give a false smile.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am," Simon said quietly.

Marci bit her lip, not as sure about that as Simon hoped she was.

"Alright," she said quietly.

Simon gave her a half-smile as he watched her leave. No, he wasn't alright but he couldn't tell her that. In fact, he couldn't tell _anyone_ that. He stared out of the doorway, watching people going back and forth but suddenly felt very alone. He could still feel the sensation of Keats pushing him against the wall and knocking all sense out of him with a kiss that came from nowhere. His lips tingled when he thought about it. But as he closed his eyes and slowly ran his tongue along his lips to taste the remnants of the kiss he realised that he had no one to talk to about it, no one at all, and he really needed someone to listen.

The people he usually would turn to – Robin, Kim, Alex, Gene – they all had their reasons for detesting Keats with a passion, and they were all extremely compelling. But none of them saw the _other_ Keats. Keats didn't let them.

"Fuck, if any of them _knew_ –" he hung his head and shook it slowly. He remembered Alex catching him in a very compromising position almost two years earlier and rushing outside to be physically sick. He remembered Robin's horrified reaction when he spoke of his attraction to Keats If any of them knew where his tongue had been that morning –

"Sir?" Simon shook himself out of his thoughts and looked up to see a cup of tea in the doorway. Entering just behind it was the person who'd made it. "I thought you could do with this."

"Marci," Simon frowned in confusion, "Uh… thank you?"

Marci left the cup on his desk then stepped away.

"Sorry if I've done the wrong thing but…" she shrugged, "you looked down."

Simon gave her a half smile.

"You know, I used to drink tea all the time," he said quietly, "then I started here, and..." he closed his eyes and sighed, "and now I can't remember the last time I drank something that wasn't scotch or a latte." His smile became a little warmer and more genuine. "Thanks, Marci."

Marci shuffled towards the doorway.

"No problem," she said quietly, leaving with a little wave.

Simon stared at his reflection in the tea. He remembered the man he used to be. He didn't recognise himself. He knew everyone had to change, he just wasn't sure whether _his_ evolution could be considered a positive one.

~xXx~

Keats coughed and spluttered, eying the lab technician evilly.

"You did that on purpose," he accused.

"I _told_ you to hold still," the technician frowned.

"You tried to choke me on that swab!" Keats cried.

"You should have kept still," the technician told him, sealing up the swab and sticking on a printed label. Keats fixed his glare on the technician. He didn't like the guy, but more than that concentrating on hate stopped him from focusing on a very different emotion and one that he wasn't prepared to allow inside of his head. He set his expression to dark and serious and pretended that he wasn't raising his fingers to brush his lips where he could still feel the kiss he'd initiated making them tingle. He tried not to close his eyes and picture Simon. He fought back the action threatening to embark in his groinal region at any moment. It was far better to focus on hating the technician than on… well, than on feeling something very different for someone he hated to admit an attraction to.

The technician laid the package on a pile on the desk and returned with another sterile swab.

"Time for number two," he said and Keats stepped back.

"I _beg_ your pardon?" he said in a mocking tone.

"Second swab."

"One swab is enough."

"It's procedure.

"Bloody isn't."

The lab technician stared at Keats.

"Aare you telling me how to do my job?" he demanded.

"I'm telling you that you're fucking it _up!" _Keats snapped.

"Second swab. Standard procedure," the lab technician told him, holding out the swab. He watched Keats hesitate. "You wouldn't want there to be any problems in confirming your identity, would you?"

Keats's stare turned into a glower but finally, reluctantly, he opened his mouth and allowed the technician to swab his cheek again. This time he managed not to choke on it and simply made a face as the man withdrew the swab and began to seal it up as he had with the first.

"Maybe I should keep that one, hmm," Keats asked, "plenty of DNA on there, right? Clone myself."

The technician glanced at him. He genuinely couldn't tell of the madman was serious or not.

"I won't keep you much longer," he said.

"You're not swabbing me again are you?"

"You need to witness me sealing these up," the technician told him, "so that there's no question about the validity of these tests."

Keats opened his mouth to reply, then froze.

"Tests?" he repeated. He licked his lips nervously, "more than one test?"

"Samples," the tech said quickly, "one test, two samples."

"You said two tests," Keats glowered.

"I _meant_ two _samples_," the technician told him as he placed a sticker onto the second sample.

"Trev, can I borrow you?" a nurse poked her head around the door and the technician got to his feet.

"Sure, what's the matter?"

"Need some bloods taken in five."

"Coming," Trev smiled then turned back to Keats. "You can leave now."

"Well thank you so very much," Keats said with a bitter smile, "good to know I've got permission to walk out the door in a free country."

The technician didn't rise to the bait. He was simply relieved to get rid of the man who coudn't handle a couple of cheek swabs. He walked quickly down the corridor and dropped the second sample on the desk of the wing's reception before heading away to room five. Keats stepped slowly to the doorway and peered out after him, then looked back at the table. Why on earth would he take one sample away and leave one in the room? He took a large step toward the table and scanned the label on the package.

_Keats: J; Referral 45398dna4_

Chewing on his lip his eyes moved to the doorway; to the second sample resting on the desk. He swallowed, feeling like his heart had fluttered up into his throat, choking him. As fast as he could he paced out of the room, down the corridor and right to the desk where he laid his eyes on the package.

_Case no: ptnl099823 _

_Thomas/Stringer/Keats_

There was one heartbeat of ignorance.

Then the truth struck him like a runaway truck

His stomach turned and his head swam as the words began to filter into his mind. If Robin's name alone had been alongside his then perhaps it had been referring to the same test - he had no doubt that Simon was serious about getting Robin DNA tested too - but with Kim's name alongside it there was only one shocking, disturbing, unexpected possibility that came to mind.

"Oh, excuse me," a hand reached out and took the package away from under his nose as Keats swallowed and tried to keep down his breakfast. He stumbled against the wall and laid against it, shaking slightly. That moment changed everything for Keats. Suddenly his younger self wasn't the only young Keats on his mind.

"_She's pregnant,"_ he breathed.

Never had so many emotions bombarded him in one day, and he didn't like it one little bit.


	15. Chapter 14: Memories are Made of This

**Chapter 14**

Simon walked along the corridor, peering into doorways until he found Marci sitting in the archive room, an open file spread across her lap. He knocked gently on the door and cleared his throat, making her look up. She gave him a warm smile.

"Hi," she said.

Simon smiled back. It was about the first smile anyone had given him in 2 days.

"Marci," he began, "I just wanted to say thanks. For the tea."

"Oh, no problem," Marci waved her hand with a smile, "you seemed down and it was the least I could do."

Simon gave a half-smile, remembering Gene's claim that Marci thought she could right all wrongs with a nice cup of tea. Maybe she wasn't so wrong after all.

"Well," he said, "thank you. I kind of needed that. Just a break from everything for a while."

"Not a problem," Marci smiled again. She noticed that Simon seemed to be hanging around and shuffling so with a little hesitation she asked, "would… would you like to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"Whatever's troubling you?"

Simon swallowed and hesitated.

"It's OK," he said with a nervous smile, "I don't really want to bother you."

"If it was a bother I wouldn't have asked," Marci told him.

Simon shrugged awkwardly.

"I don't want to burden you," he said, "it's not like we even know each other that well."

"All the more reason to talk to me," Marci pointed out, "I can listen without being biased."

Simon hesitated.

"That's true," he considered.

Marci shoved an archive box in his direction with her foot.

"Sit down" she told him. Simon hesitated again, preparing to make an excuse about not wanting to get his trousers dusty but the more he tried to protest the more he knew he needed to talk. He couldn't keep holding everything in. It was going to kill him. Cautiously he stepped forward and lowered himself onto the box. The cardboard gave a little but as it was stocked full of papers it remained fairly sturdy.

"I don't even know where to begin," he admitted.

"Anywhere you feel most comfortable," Marci told him.

"That's the problem, I couldn't be more uncomfortable with all of this," Simon mumbled. He closed his eyes and clenched his hands together as he tried to work out what to say. "Marci, what would you do if you were… interested in someone that the people you cared about most in the world hated?"

Marci frowned.

"Oh my god, are you talking about Jake and chief inspector Thomas?" she asked.

"What? _No!"_ cried Simon.

"Because I know you don't get on with Jake," Marci continued, "I've seen you giving him evils –"

"I wasn't talking about Jake!" cried Simon, "I meant the other way around, anyway! _I'm_ the one who's interested in some one that everyone close to me hates." He closed his eyes, "with good reason, too."

Marci looked at him curiously.

"I don't want to talk out of turn," she began, "but if they're that bad… then what do you see in them?"

Simon sighed deeply.

"Good question," he mumbled. He looked up at her as he said, "the thing is, there's another side to him. A side that he never lets them see. Never really lets _anyone_ see." He looked down, "except me. _Sometimes_. And that other side…" he swallowed, "it does things to me that I can't fight. But no one else sees what I see. So they can't understand."

Marci looked at him.

"So," she said quietly, "whose happiness is most important?"

Simon bit his lip.

"My friends'," he said quietly.

"Wrong answer," Marci told him as he looked at her blankly, "Yours. Your friends aren't going to be happy if they see you sad."

"They'll be happier than if they knew who I wanted to be with," Simon said quietly.

"Then," Marci said as she got to her feet, "you'll just have to help them see the side of him that you've fallen for."

Simon hesitated. That would be easier said than done. Even he didn't really know how to bring out the human side, it happened in fits and starts and he hadn't found the key yet. But he knew he couldn't go into all of that with Marci, so instead he said,

"I think '_fallen for'_ is a bit of a strong term."

Marci smiled.

"Your cheeks don't," she said as she indicated their rosy flush. Simon's hand rose to feel the heat of his face as Marci took her files away for checking, leaving him alone with his thoughts. There was a time he'd been so hell-bent on helping Keats to be human again but everyone had made him feel that it was impossible to a point where he'd pretty much stopped trying. But Marci was right. If he felt anything for Keats whatsoever then he needed to bring that side of him to the fore. He nodded determinedly as he took a very deep breath. He was going to do all he could to bring forth the man. The monster could, quite literally, go to hell.

~xXx~

"I'm sure he did that on purpose," Robin gagged as the swab was taken away.

"I'm sure he didn't try to choke you," Kim told him.

"He _did!"_

"Well maybe he was pissed off you wasted his first swab," Kim pointed out.

"It's not my fault!" Robin protested, "I thought it was a really big cotton bud!"

"You didn't have to clean your _ears_ with it!" Kim pointed out.

"Kim," A gentleman in a white coat entered the room, "we're ready to take you for your procedure now.

"Rob –" Kim turned to Robin as suddenly fear gripped her, "I'm scared."

"I know," Robin reached for her hand. He was terrified too, and he wasn't even the one undergoing the procedure, "but you'll be fine. It's the same thing they did to Alex, remember? Back there?"

Kim swallowed and closed her eyes as she nodded.

"I remember," she whispered.

"The procedure will take about twenty to thirty minutes," the man told her, "after that you'll have to stay for about an hour under observation, just to rest and make sure you don't have any complications. After that, you'll be allowed home but we advise you to rest for a couple of days to be safe."

"Oh, she will," Robin nodded and Kim poked out her tongue.

"You always try to sound like you have any say in what I do and then when it comes down to it…" she gave a weak smile.

"That's true," he smiled back, even though he felt terrified. They were clinging to any tiny shred of familiarity as a comfort.

Both feeling terrified, both of the physical test and of the implications the results held they squeezed one another's hands as they made their way down the corridor towards the antenatal department. Robin had never seen Kim so scared. Never before had he felt so important to somebody either.

~xXx~

Keats dropped to the dusty, cold concrete in a deserted corner of the hospital car park; a spot in which he'd stolen the clothes of a random man almost two years earlier, in another year and another world, in a different body. Back then he was embarking on a wild adventure. Now, he was frenzied and scared; scared by the feelings and thoughts that were trying desperately to burst forth.

It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fucking _fair;_ it was getting harder to fight them and it wasn't his fault! Without his title and his power the energy no longer affected him; it was slowly fading like the radiation around a nuclear meltdown, losing its power little by little. That was why his work was so important; his mission to change his younger self, to help him embrace the darkness, to recover in time - to take his place if necessary but other event - and other people had been chipping away at him.

"The baby," he hissed as he rocked back and forth, hugging his knees, _"pregnant –"_

He closed his eyes tightly and took a staggered breath as he recalled painfully that it wasn't the only time Kim had been pregnant. He felt a hot, angry tear slide unexpectedly down his cheek as he recalled visiting the hospital two years ago.

_"…Unfortunately while the pregnancy itself may have been strong and viable her own physical state was not best equipped to support a pregnancy. Taking in factors such as her smoking, excessive drinking, stressful lifestyle, when she received the blow to her abdomen it was the final straw."_

He remembered swallowing as the words sank in.

_"The pregnancy,"_ he'd repeated.

_"She claims she was unaware of her pregnancy which accounts for her lifestyle," _the nurse had told him, _"have you caught the person who inflicted the blow yet?"_

His heart had almost snapped in his chest as he'd heard those words. He was the person responsible. He'd replayed that action so many times in his darkest dreams in the dead of night. No wonder he preferred not to sleep any more.

_Kim –_

Her name was on his lips, on the tip of his tongue and yet he couldn't say it aloud. He never did. Only when the most of his shell was broken and the word slipped out. He squeezed his hands together so tightly that his fingernails almost pierced the skin as he shook and shuddered, making an inhuman growl.

He saw her in his mind.

He saw her lying in bed as he slipped away into the night

He saw her lying across the back seat of the Fiat

He saw her across the desk.

He saw her in fear.

He saw her trying to fight it.

He saw her succumbing to the chemicals that he needed to use to get her where he wanted her.

Flinching, a terrible memory slammed its way into his head; the image of Kim falling from the court car park, and he screamed.

_"No!"_ his voice was low and gravelly, like he'd gone back to smoking and dedicated an entire week to working his way through as many packs as possible. He gritted his teeth and sealed his eyes firmly closed as he continued to rock, images forcing themselves upon him with as much persuasion as he'd forced himself on her.

_The hospital room, his tape playing out..._

The only person to open their arms –

- It was Kim. Despite all that he'd done.

She wanted to help him.

And how had he repaid her?

"_No!"_ he screamed again, clutching his head as his heart started to race. He shook his head violently as he thought about all the times he'd used her, drugged her, taken what he wanted from her, and she wasn't the only one. Images of Alex passed through his fevered mind; her hot skin as she roasted in his basement, turning up the heat and the gas and air. The first time around, nineteen eighty three. _"Do we need to talk –"_

Things had been going so well until –

"_Gene…"_

The uttered name set off a fury he'd never felt before as he'd realised that Alex only had eyes for his rival and even with all the substances at his disposal he couldn't force that away.

And then, again, another Alex, her counterpart from another time, an older body but one he tried to fix –

_"I don't feel well,"_ he could still hear her whisper in his mind.

_"You see, Alex? I told you I would take care of you. You need someone to look after you,"_ he'd said, "_don't you?"_

The tainted air and the tainted water and the half-starvation and the heat… they'd all made her head spin and her body too weak to fight back.

_"Something's wrong,"_ she'd whispered.

_"Shh…"_

"Oh _god_, no," he shook his head violently as he tried to force out the memory of his actions against her floppy, half-unconscious body as the drugs did their work. That was all he was used to though; a floppy, unresponsive body that didn't want to be there… never groaned with pleasure, never begged for more, never told him that it wanted him too. Every damn time.

Every time.

Except –

"…_Do you want this?"_

He flinched at the memory of Simon's breathy gasp.

_"Please,"_ his own voice haunted him, _"I need this..."_

"Oh god," Keats scrambled to his feet and paced up and down in the hospital car park, his hands tugging at his hair, "Fuck off, just fuck right _off!"_

But the memories wouldn't leave him alone; Simon's tender care and affection as he tried to take Keats so gently, ease him in, take things slowly, until the dark side washed up inside of him and he took over proceedings.

In a way, that memory was the one that hurt him the most.

_"Come on, Simon, you're not going to leave me hanging are you?"_

Oh _fuck_, why was this coming back to him? Why the fuck was he remembering that? It was the thing he least wanted to come back to him right then.

Simon was the first… the _only_ person who'd ever wanted to be with him; who actually wanted to be close to him, intimate, physical… without any unnatural intervention and look what he ended up doing.

"_No!"_ he cried as his head replayed the harsh words that he'd hissed to Simon as he took over;

_"You used to being in control?"_ he'd breathed, "_Always at your own pace, always the way you want it? Somehow I can't see Robin taking you like this. He's the sub, is he? Always waiting for you to say the word? Waiting for you to take the reins? You ever been fucked, Simon? Really fucked?"_

"Oh god, _no,"_ he slammed his head hard against the wall but although it throbbed horribly it did nothing to push out the memories of Simon.

_The only time… the only person… no one had ever… never…_

Not even before. Not when he was alive. No one had wanted him. No one at all.

No one.

All those years after he'd woken up, all he'd wanted was to find the one that got away but sometimes his urges spoke up too. He needed the same things that anyone desired; passion, affection – but no one wanted that from him.

And so he used what he'd learnt and reached for the drugs.

He had no gas and air at his disposal but if a few roofies went missing from evidence, so what?

But even so, no one allowed him close enough to try

And the one time he _did_ he ended up in court.

Even going way back he'd never received the affection he wanted. Back before his first time around in Gene's world. A young man, starting out at work; a little shy, a little quiet. He thought just maybe he deserved a little happiness. Maybe someone would like him back. Maybe –

"_Tonight? Sorry, James. Painting my toenails."_

"_No thanks, sorry but… you know, not really my type."_

"_Oh, you have to be pulling my leg! …You were serious? Me, go to the party with you?! I'm sorry, it's just the thought of it… us…"_

"_Eh… I do like you… but as a friend…"_

He shook his head violently and swallowed back bile as he thought about all the times he tried to initiate something more than friendship with his new colleagues and all the times he'd been knocked back. _The pretty blonde with the cute smile, the brunette with the specs, the tall girl with the long legs, the guy he thought was giving him the eye –_

"Gggrrrrrrrrrrr_arghhhhh_!" he yelled as he slammed his forehead against the wall. Already scarred from the glass of a mirror some time ago, the rough stone scrazed his skin and a little trail of blood began to trickle down his brow as he tried desperately to fight against the memories of his past; a life before evil, a life he had good reason to forget.

Back to his university days, the rejections, _nights alone in his grotty room or sitting in bars alone_. His college days, _always the outcast, the last-minute friend, the one no one called on unless everyone else was busy._ The man that was too sweet and quiet to be considered as a romantic prospect, whose heart was stamped on more times than the remains of a bonfire. Even back to his school days;_ terminally single, sitting alone in the lunch hall, left out of every project, left out of friendship circles, never given a chance, never been kissed –_

He remembered them all, every painful, crushing moment.

"_Oh James, listen,"_ said the giggly voice as she let him down gently before she spread it around the whole class.

"_Eww, did you just try to kiss me?" _as he misread the signs and the older girl never spoke to him again.

"_Meet me round the back of the lockers after gym,"_ the good looking guy had said and Keats believed him, until he arrived to find five of his mates waiting to beat him up for being 'queer'.

"_You'd better not have sent me that fucking valentine's card."_

"_You'd better sit somewhere else before my boyfriend breaks your glasses."_

"_Oi, queerbait, were you looking at me in that fucking shower?"_

"_Sorry, I'm busy tonight. And tomorrow. Yeah, the weekend, too. Look, I'm sorry, it's just… it's not going to happen, OK?"  
_

"_Get lost, swot."_

"_Yeah, right, as if I'd go with you."_

"_Get one of the geek girls in the corner to go with you."  
_

"_Twat."_

"_Nerd."_

"_Arsehole."_

"_Creepy fucking bastard!"_

"_No!"_ all the pain and the names and the godawful memories of his tortured years came back to him in one powerful blow and forced their way out of the sealed chamber in his mind where he'd been keeping them out of sight. "No!" he slammed his head against the wall again and more blood started to run down his face. His heart hurt so badly he thought that he was dying. He panted, clutching his chest as he struggled to breathe while all the bullying from his younger years bombarded him, along with the feeling of rejection, being a misfit, never being good enough.

And when it came down to it, he _still_ wasn't good enough.

He never would be.

Not for Alex, not for Kim, not for Simon.

But worse than that, not for himself. And that was the last thought in his head as he collapsed to the ground and blacked out.

~xXx~

"Shoebury."

Simon looked up fearing Gene was about to add '…a word' onto that. Since his talk with Marci he'd actually started to feel his hopes and spirits lift. Although he still felt as though he was in an impossible position something about getting out some of his fears had helped him to see things a little more clearly and he no longer felt as heavily bogged down by the secret as he was before. But he definitely didn't need _'Shoebury, a word'_

"What's happened?" he asked as he noticed Gene and Alex looking surprisingly positive.

"It's happened again," Gene told him.

"What has?"

"There's been another attack," Alex told him.

"And this time we've got a live one," Gene said.

"Really?" Simon's eyes widened as Alex nodded.

"Better yet, he's talking," she said, raising an eyebrow.

"Get yer coat," Gene told him, "this man is looking for an audience. Giving him that is the least we can do."

Simon didn't need telling twice. Grabbing his coat he quickly followed them down the corridor. At last there was a witness. Maybe it really _was_ going to be a better day.


	16. Chapter 15: Pain Killers

**Chapter 15**

"Kim? Are you OK?"

Kim couldn't quite look Robin in the eye as she nodded slowly. He knew she wasn't really OK. They both knew that.

She pulled her knees up a little as she laid in recovery, grimacing as cramps ran through her abdomen. Funny how medical professionals always err on the tame side with side effect advice. _'Mild period-like cramps'?_ How about _getting-gored-by-a-bull cramps?_ She closed her eyes as she tried to push the memory of the procedure from her mind. Tattoos and piercings? Didn't even flinch. But anything medical and she just couldn't stand it. Squeamish wasn't the word. Not that she would ever tell anyone that. Or even let them see.

"Kim?"

Robin's voice grew more concerned as he watched her and her eyes turned to him.

"I don't have a very good feeling about this," she whispered.

"What do you mean?" Robin asked quietly, "the result?" Kim stayed quiet. "The procedure?"

Kim couldn't explain it. She shook her head slowly as she tried and failed to find the words; that sinking feeling that this just wasn't meant to be and everything was going to fall away beneath their feet. She curled up a little tighter on the bed and wished for time to pass as swiftly as possible. It was going to be the longest hour of her life.

~xXx~

"Blimey; grilled, fried or over-easy?"

The gentleman in the bed eyed Gene through the one eye he could still see through. He knew he'd managed to get off relatively lightly. The burns could have been so much worse.

"Flambé," he uttered through the lips he found difficult to move without flinching.

"Can we please turn the tact in the room up a notch?" Alex asked, her hands in her pockets while Simon swallowed, the smell of burnt flesh turning his guts.

"What's your name?" he asked as he sat down.

"This is Arnie Field," Alex informed him.

"Funnily enough, we go way back, don't we Arnie?" Gene asked, folding his arms and towering over him.

"Not the words I'd use to describe it,." Arnie said quietly.

"Popped up in our cells more often than the toast has popped out me toaster," Gene explained, sitting beside Simon, his knees spread wide as he leaned forward, "not the sharpest knife in the drawer, this one." He stared at Arnie's singed features, "surprised they even bothered with you. Waste of good petrol."

"It was white spirit," Arnie swallowed, "I was using it in my garage. Heard footsteps, turned around and it was suddenly in my face."

"Who did this to you, Arnie?" Alex asked.

"What, just in there with the questions?" Arnie asked, "no build up? No offering me a deal?"

"Why, did you throw it in your _own_ face?" Simon asked.

"No," Arnie tried to roll his eyes but his skin hurt so badly that it made him flinch.

"We're here to stop someone from sending the funeral parlour more work, not to prosecute you for having a pocket full of pills," Gene told him.

"You said you were willing to talk," Alex reminded him.

He looked at her anxiously.

"I need protection," he said.

"I need names," Gene told him.

Arnie swallowed. He really did know Gene of old and knew he wasn't going to get his way before Gene did. Eventually he closed his eyes.

"Handy Andy was the one who got over excited with the white spirit," he uttered.

"Handy _Andy?"_ Simon cried.

"Not the one you're thinking of," Alex leaned over and told him.

"We're talking HMP Fenchurch, not BBC1," Gene added.

"Andy Salmon," Alex looked at Arnie, "You're certain?"

"Hundred percent," Arnie flinched as the pain grew worse.

"Not the first time I've heard that name this week," Gene pointed out.

"How many other attacks has Salmon been responsible for, Arnie?" Alex asked him.

"Depends what you mean by responsible," Arnie shuddered.

"Why?" Simon narrowed his eyes, "what's _your_ definition?"

Arnie swallowed.

"He put his hands on the can. Had someone else putting the idea in his head."

"And what little birdy, pray tell, whispered these words o'wisdom into his ear?" Gene asked with an eyebrow raised.

"You'd have to ask him."

"I'm asking you."

"You can ask all you want, I don't have the answer."

"Then we don't have any protection for you," Gene said, getting to his feet. Alex and Simon exchanged a glance as he walked towards the door, just waiting for the moment. They knew it was coming, and sure enough Arnie panicked enough to call him back.

"Listen," he cried breathlessly, "I can't say for sure, but there's one or two names that keep coming up. Names to be wary of. People who were happier than most to see the back of Nick."

"Which people are we talking about?" Simon asked.

"I…" he flinched, "I don't think I can tell you."

"Would it happen to rhyme with _Hank Frenderson?"_ Gene asked.

"Subtle," Alex rolled her eyes as Arnie looked a Gene with an urgent stare.

"Yer eyes say yes, Arnie," Gene told him. The man didn't reply. "Shoebury, get on yer radio. Tell Nicey Spice she's got some brains in that head of hers and get everyone looking for a man whose ears span half of London."

"Right," Simon pulled out his radio and started to call in the news while Alex approached Arnie.

"We'll check the information you've given us," she told him, "and we'll catch them."

Arnie stared back at her.

"You know," he began, "Nailer's stuff. You knew where you were with that. It was always good. It was never going to do you in. Ironic."

Alex frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"Now just being linked with him is poison in the blood," Arnie said. He coughed and flinched as his hand scrambled for the emergency call button. "Shit, I need more painkillers."

"Here," Alex placed the button in his hand and he pressed it.

"Never mind, Arnie," Gene began, putting his hands in his pockets, I'm sure you'll have something back home to take the edge off if all else fails."

Simon laid the radio down on the cabinet beside the bed.

"Marci sounded pleased with herself," he told them.

"Well deserved," Gene told him. "don't normally find brain cells in someone who models their wardrobe on a popstar who won't be seen dead without leopard print."

A nurse poked her head around the door.

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

"When do I get more painkillers?" Arnie asked.

"I'll see what your doctor says," the nurse told him and left the room.

Alex moved towards the door and Gene and Simon followed her lead.

"I hope you have a fast recovery." She told hm.

"For a burnt sausage, Gene added much to Alex's disapproval.

"Try out the 'tact' function in your personality sometimes," she told him.

"Didn't install it," Gene told her as Simon got to his feet.

"Oh my _god_, Gene, did you just try to make a computer joke?!" he cried, feeling slightly sick, although not as sick as Gene did the moment he realised Simon was right.

"I did," he swallowed and shook his head. "I need to establish a safe distance to keep away from Shoebury where the geek cooties won't get me."

"Hey," Simon scowled, thrusting his hands in his pockets and shuffling out of the door behind them.

~xXx~

Slowly his eyes opened, the chink of bright sun shining through the clouds doing little to take the edge off the chill wind in the cold December morning. The world slowly righted itself as he sat up and blinked a few times. He couldn't see particularly well and it took him a moment or two to realise his spectacles had fallen off while he'd lain on the ground, twitching, shuddering.

Almost as though it was the most normal thing in the world he picked them up and slid them back onto his face. Blinking again as the world came into clearer focus his eyes scanned the grotty little corner of the car park. No one had even seen him lying there. Or if they had then they'd just left him. They didn't care.

_Story of my life._

The whispered voice travelled through his brain and made him shudder as the memories threatened to force their way back into his mind again but he quickly pushed them away and his expression grew dark and cold once more.

"_It's over,"_ he hissed grimly, _"push it out of your mind." _Closing his eyes he took a deep breath and tried to settle his racing heart. It was all over, The burst of emotion and memories had passed and it was time to focus. At least that was what he tried to keep telling himself.

"_Kimberley,"_ he growled her name as he recalled the event that triggered his little episode on the first place. The test. The baby. _His_ baby. His fucking baby. He was certain of that. It _had_ to be his; he could feel it in his bones.

He pushed himself up from the cold, hard tarmac and got to his feet, dusting off his trousers as he straightened up, then shakily stepped out of the dark little corner. His eyes scanned the car park, he wasn't even sure what for at first, but very soon something caught his eye and he felt it like a stab through his heart. _Kim's car_.

"_She's already here,"_ he mumbled to himself as his eyes turned back toward the building. The breeze made him shiver. So did the thought of Kim inside the hospital with a life growing inside her that belonged to him. He swallowed and set his face as neutral as he could, then began to walk back toward the entrance to claim what was his, fighting back the relentlessly-pursuing emotions with every step.

~xXx~

"Gene, one more word about barbecues and you'll be driving back to the station on your own!" Alex warned as they approached the car.

"He just put me in mind of a burnt hamburger, that's all!" Gene protested.

"I preferred the sausage analogy," said Simon.

"Yeah, well you would," Gene frowned.

Simon was about to protest that he didn't _mean_ it that way when he suddenly realised his pocket was feeling a little too light. His hands patted himself all over and, cursing, he froze on the spot.

"Bugger, left my bloody radio behind," he mumbled.

"For god's sake, Shoebury, did you leave yer brain behind and all?" Gene asked as Simon began to trot away.

"Back in two minutes," he called back and Gene folded his arms.

"You're presuming I'll still be here when you get back!" he said.

"It would be a shame if you weren't," Simon called back, "since I've got a ten pound gift card for Latte Land."

Gene hesitated.

"That changes everything," he said.

~xXx~

"Oh about fucking time," Arnie cried as the masked doctor entered his room, "I asked for painkillers, I didn't expect you to fly them in from the outer reaches of the solar system. What took so long"? he watched as the silent doctor checked his needle and began to move slowly around to the standing drip beside his bed, his eyes kept low. "It's not like I need it or anything, I've only had half my outer layer burned away!" the doctor's face was hidden by his position and the mask covering his nose and mouth. "Oi. Cat got your tongue?" Arnie frowned, "or did you lose it in a surgical procedure gone wrong?"

The doctor stopped in his tracks and seemed to freeze up momentarily. He stared at the needle and didn't say a word. Then, as slow as he could he turned his head around to look Arnie in the eye.

"Something went wrong," he said slowly, "but it wasn't a surgical procedure."

Arnie saw familiar eyes and his stomach filled with ice.

_"Handy Andy,"_ he whispered.

Andy hesitated.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

Arnie's eyes widened as much as they could,

"What?" he hissed.

Andy swallowed.

"Really sorry," he mumbled, moving the needle closer to the drip.

"_No!"_

"Sorry, forgot my –" Simon trotted to the door and froze up at the sight of Andy, his needle held aloft. For a split second no one knew quite what to do but the second Simon's eyes shifted to Arnie to ask whether everything was alright Handy Andy dropped the needle and reached for a gun instead. Moving it from Arnie to Simon he backed up a little, his eyes growing manic while his mouth remained covered.

"Just stay where you are," he barked, "don't move. I'm here to do one thing, one thing, that's all, and then I'll be gone."

"You're –" Simon began but the moment he opened his mouth the gun was trained upon him.

"Not one word," Andy hissed, "or it'll be the last word you ever say."

Simon swallowed and tried to take in a deep breath. Usually forgetting a radio was an inconvenience. Suddenly it had become a life-threatening state of affairs.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: Guys, I seriously love you, your reviews make writing worthwhile and I am so happy that you're enjoying this fic! I'm currently writing the epilogue so I'm going to post a sneaky extra chapter tonight to catch up a little.**_


	17. Chapter 16: Meltdown

**Chapter 16**

"Can I get up yet?"

Kim looked listless and lost as she lay under the thin hospital sheet, dressed in a smock.

"Another half an hour," Robin told her, stroking her hair.

"How do you know, you can't even use the clock," Kim pointed out.

"Just a guestimate," Robin pulled a face.

"I think it's _Five to Clothes_," Kim told him, turning over.

"You've got to wait until they come back and tell you to get dressed," Robin reminded her.

"I'd rather wear an official Beard Relief t-shirt than this thing," Kim said quietly. Robin looked at her sadly. Although she was the same old Kim her usual bite was missing. It seemed so unfair, she had already been through so much.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her.

"Same as when you asked ten minutes ago," Kim said quiety.

"You wouldn't tell me."

Kim closed her eyes and gave a soft sigh. While usually she would fob him off there was something stopping her from doing so this time. She swallowed and opened her eyes again.

"Not great," she said quietly. Her honestly shocked Robin and made him grasp her hand. Very rarely had he seen her vulnerable and lost. He didn't know what else to do to reassure her.

"_I'm here,"_ was all he had to say, but it was all he needed to. Although they both fell silent there wasn't anything more they even needed to say. They were together. That was all they needed when it came down to it. Several minutes passed and just as Kim was about to protest at wearing the smock again some footsteps in the distance gave her momentary hope.

"This had better be a damned doctor telling me I can get dressed," she said as she slowly pushed herself upright, the footsteps coming closer and speeding up.

"Kim, lie down until they tell you to sit up," Robin tried to warn her.

"I'm only sitting, Rob, I'll be –"

The scuffing of feet into the room caused them both to turn around and in the same moment both gave an involuntary intake of breath as their eyes grew wide.

"Shit," Robin breathed as he scrambled to his feet while Kim drew herself bolt upright and clutched the sheet to her chest.

Standing in the doorway was Keats, his expression switching between stable but angry and devastated but _un_stable. His brow was creased and his eyes darted from one to the other for several seconds before he brought himself to whisper,

"_You're pregnant."_ He waited for one of them to say something but neither could speak. They clasped one another's hand tightly but neither knew what to do or to say as Keats finally took another step toward them. "You're pregnant," he repeated and this time he fixed his eyes on Kim, "So when were you going to tell me, Kimberley?"

"Never," Kim hissed, "because it's no business of yours."

"When that baby's carrying half of my DNA it is!" Keats yelled.

"It's not your baby," Robin hissed but Keats's stare was becoming more twisted and malevolent with each passing moment and the second he turned it to Robin he almost crumbled with fear.

"The swab jammed down my throat says there's a strong possibility that it is," he spat. Robin and Kim turned to one another, mouths open. They'd thought the test had been confidential, that the hospital had agreed to keep the purpose of the second sample from him. They supposed there was no point asking how he knew, they had to face the fact that he did.

"Kim's just undergone a medical procedure," Robin tried to keep his voice calm and steady, "she needs to rest, and _you_ need to get the hell out of here."

"Not until you tell me the truth," he turned his eyes to Kim, "what are you going to do, Kimberley?" he stepped towards her and Robin saw her visibly shrink away, "what are you going to do when they tell you this baby is mine?"

"_If_ they say that," Kim hissed.

"When." Keats gave a loud, mocking laugh and indicated Robin with a swish of his hand, "I'm not expected to believe _he_ knows where to stick it, I hope."

Robin's instinct was to leap at him, let his fists deliver a message, but he knew that Kim needed to be kept as calm as possible right then so he turned around and said,

"You need to leave _now."_

"What do you think you're doing?" Keats frowned and suddenly worked it out as he saw Robin's eyes scanning the buttons by the bed, "You _dare_ use the emergency button –" he saw Robin starting to reach out for it and ran forward at a surprising pace, grasping Robin's wrist and yanking him away, "leave it the fuck _alone!"_

"Get out of this room," Robin yelled as Kim tried to grab Keats by the shoulder.

"Piss off," she cried, but the sound of her voice brought Keats spinning around to face her and the moment his eyes locked upon her, her face full of fear, something strange began to stir inside of him. His eyes dropped to her waist even though her body was hidden by the sheet and the smock and just for a second he could picture things that he wasn't expecting to; the image of Kim with a bulging, pregnant belly, the sound of a baby crying, the feeling of holding his flesh and blood in his arms. He swallowed hard and a shudder travelled through his entire body.

"When were you going to tell me?" he breathed.

"It's nothing to do with you," Kim hissed but as Keats swallowed he stared her in the eye again.

"You could be having my baby, Kim," he whispered, "you can't keep something like that from me."

"Get the _fuck_ out of here," Robin cried angrily, gripping Keats's lapels to shove him away but Kim seemed stricken.

_"Kim,"_ she whispered.

"What?" Robin glanced around, confused.

"He called me Kim," she whispered. She swallowed and took a deep breath, "he called me Kim, not Kimberley."

"You're having my baby," there was a strange expression across Keats's face as Robin let go of his jacket. He licked his lips as he stared in Kim's direction but didn't quite meet her eye, "My baby, you…" he flinched as he swallowed, "all I wanted was you and –"

"What?" Kim clutched the sheet a little more tightly as he caught her eye.

"You never wanted me back."

"You _raped_ her," Robin hissed through gritted teeth, taking a step towards him, "you drugged her, you _used_ her, all you ever did was abuse her –"

"I just… wanted…" he stalled momentarily, staring at Kim as his lips grew increasingly dry. He tried to moisten them, licking them fast but he just seemed to grow ever more anxious and twitchy. "I wanted to get… get closer, I…" his eyes moved from one to the other and his expression grew increasingly tearful. Kim stared at him while Robin turned to her, watching her face carefully.

"_Go on,"_ she whispered.

"I don't know," Keats whispered, "I never felt that before… I never…" he swallowed, "_felt…_ before…" his face contorted with a mix of emotions that he wasn't used to, "Fuck… Kim… is it my baby?" His very human plea was met with silence from a shocked Kim and a stricken Robin, neither of whom knew what to say, "Kim?"

Kim swallowed, her hand moving to her stomach without even thinking.

"I don't know," she whispered.

_"Fuck,"_ Keats turned to Robin, his eyes wide and scared, "You're my brother," a million little thoughts and memories thrust themselves into his head and Robin's arms developed a coating of goosebumps. He didn't know what to say, he didn't even know if he wanted to reply, or if he should but as he watched Keats's expression ran through a full range of emotions and it disturbed Robin to such a degree that he eventually replied.

"_half_-brother," he whispered.

"The photograph," Keats shook terribly, "my father –"

Robin swallowed and shakily nodded.

"I know," he whispered.

Keats's face twisted into a look of revulsion as he forced out words that he tried desperately to hold back.

"I _hate_ him," he spat.

Robin swallowed and felt Kim's hand squeezing his.

"Me too," he breathed, horrified to find his eyes starting to gloss over with tears. _Fuck_, how long had he been fighting those tears? How many times had he blocked off the emotions connected to that man and the tragedy he'd brought to Robin's life? Looking into Keats's eyes and seeing the same pain brought it all back to him.

"My mum and me," Keats breathed so heavily he almost started to hyperventilate, "we had nobody"

Robin blinked as he desperately tried to keep himself calm.

"You were the lucky ones," he said quietly as he trembled.

"You had everything," Keats hissed.

"Everything? I had _nothing!"_ Robin shook his head, "you keep thinking that just because our _father_," he spat out the word with distaste, "was there when I was growing up that I was the lucky one? I had _fifteen years_ of his verbal abuse, and then it turned physical!"

"You never had to struggle!"

"He killed my _mum!"_

"I lost mine too!"

"I was _fifteen years old!"_

"_I was in a coma!"_ something snapped and Keats visibly broke before them. His face screwed up and a cascade of tears streamed from his eyes, even though his tone was angry rather than clutched his chest as though his heart was in danger of breaking as he panted, "I was in a coma and she was all I had! I woke up and she was gone! _Gone!"_

Kim and Robin stared at him, both lost and scared. They were used to an angry, violent Keats but he was different… traumatised, emotional. Neither of them knew how to handle it.

"Keats?" Kim whispered as he froze up like a malfunctioning robot. He seemed to stop responding, his face fixed in agony. "Keats?" she tried again. She looked at Robin whose own face was contorted with a mix of fear an pain from the memories that Keats had forced upon him, "_Jim?"_ she tried quietly as Robin gave her an annoyed poke, "_What?"_ she mouthed.

"Don't get on first name terms with him!" Robin hissed.

"I don't know what else to _do!"_ Kim protested quietly. She adjusted her position, flinching from the cramps and tried again, "Jim? Do you need something?" but Keats just looked straight past her, his eyes fixed on the wall as his chest shuddered and jumped with tears, "do you want to sit down?"

Robin swallowed, absolutely at a loss.

"Do… you want some water?" he tried. He hesitated and swallowed, "Do you want us to call _Simon?"_

Robin didn't even know what made him suggest it. Keats still stayed silent but his eyes turned to Robin, somewhat wide as though the suggestion had shocked him. Robin and Kim looked at one another again, grasping each other's hands tighter as the situation grew ever more bizarre but as Robin opened his mouth to try suggesting calling Simon again one very loud, very defined noise brought all three back to reality, out of the strange stupor that had gripped them.

"Fuck, that was a _shot,"_ Kim breathed, her heart racing.

No matter what the circumstances there was no fighting instinct and, completely forgetting about her smock and situation, she slipped off the bed and rushed to the door with Robin just behind her. They both pushed past Keats and he spun around from their swift exit, staring after them in shock momentarily before he shook his head and the sound they'd all heard brought him back to the real world. He shook his head and flinched as the memories and emotions flowed away again and all that remained was the memory of a gunshot. Taking a fast but deep breath his own instinct took him from the room and toward the direction of the sound where he skidded to a halt in the doorway of a small room and found Kim and Robin just inside it. To the other side of the doorway was a shocked Simon; in the bed was a man nursing severe burns and beside him another man held aloft his gun, a bullet buried in the wall.

"If you think I'm not fucking serious then it's time to think again," he cried.

Kim swallowed hard as she surveyed the situation.

"None of my hostage negotiation training covered dealing with a dire situation while dressed in a hospital smock," she whispered.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: I was going to sneak this in as an extra chapter last night but ran out of time so I'll post an extra chapter later instead :)**_


	18. Chapter 17: Bloodshed

**Chapter 17**

It had all gone horribly wrong.

All Handy Andy needed to do was slip a little something in Arnie's drip… stop him talking. Well _no_, it was all going wrong before that. All he'd had to do was torch the guy and kill him but the stupid twat had reacted fast enough to drop and roll. Fucking git. Just to add insult to injury the knot in his face mask worked its way loose and the little cover he had fell to the ground. _Brilliant._

"Andy?" Kim swallowed, trying to make sure she had the right name. She'd seen the man's photograph in paperwork but she wasn't sure if she was identifying him correctly. His eyes turned to her as he panted fir air so she guessed she had the right man. "Hello, Andy," she tried to keep herself as calm as possible which wasn't easy considering the circumstances. Keeping her voice as level as she could she looked at him. "My name is DCI Stringer, I'm with Fenchurch East. I've been trained to help people in your situation."

Staring at her smock-covered appearance Andy shook his head.

"You don't look like it," he said. He knew it sounded stupid but it was the first thing that came to mind.

"I was down the corridor in recovery but I assure you I'm a Detective Chief Inspector," Kim told him, looking at him with sincerity, "I don't have my ID with me but my colleagues can show you theirs."

As she looked from Robin to Simon, Andy started to panic.

"Oh _shit!" _he cried as he realised the magnitude of his situation. He aimed the gun squarely at Kim which made her jump and flinch. "hands in the air!" he barked, moving his aim to Robin, "All of you." He turned to gun onto Keats as a sea of hands slowly rose, _"You!_ Shut the door."

Keats wasn't used to taking instructions. Despite his mini-breakdown a sensation of resentment filtered through his blood and he began to step forward to let the man know exactly what he thought of _that_ but Andy simply aimed his gun again and fired a bullet right into Keats's torso.

For a split second everyone and everything seemed to freeze. To Keats, the next few moments played out almost in slow motion. He knew the second he heard the gun firing that he was about to feel an incredible sense of pain somewhere on his body. He seemed to feel the pressure of the impact of the bullet momentarily before the pain joined it then when it did the searing, burning agony that ripped through his flesh brought his eyes to widen and his mouth to open wide as he gasped in a breath. As the bullet hit him so did a terrible realisation. He wasn't invincible any more.

Kim and Robin stared in horror as he clutched his stomach and fell to the floor, blood seeping through his shirt as he looked up desperately in pain. Robin glanced up to Simon and was shocked by the look on his face, his eyes wider than Robin had ever seen, his expression frozen in horror, staring at Keats, barely able to breathe. He twitched, desperate to run over to him, to help him somehow but Andy wasn't going to let that happen.

"Maybe one of you will get the idea now," he hissed, even though he seemed as horrified by his own actions as the others had been, _"shut the bloody door!"_

"OK," Robin said quickly, "OK. I'll do it." He took a side step to the doorway, slightly shovelling the fallen Keats out of the way with the toe of his shoe and closed the door.

"And pull the blinds," Andy demanded. He moved his gun towards Simon. "Pull the fucking blinds!"

Simon's eyes were stull fixed on Keats. He looked up, swallowed and hissed,

"You _shot_ him."

"I'll do the same to you if you don't pull those blinds," Andy barked.

"OK, OK," Simon held up his hands and shuffled towards the window. He peered outside into the car park where he could see Gene's Aston Martin just below. Alex and Gene were staring up at the window, already alerted by the sound of the shots. He tried to give them a nod and hoped they would understand. Perhaps they already had. Perhaps back-up was on the way.

"_Stop stalling, close the bloody things!"_

"OK," Simon said, quickly turning the chain at the side of the window to bring the blinds down. He swallowed and turned around again very slowly.

"Hands above your head again," Andy commanded and Simon did as he was told.

"Andy," Kim's voice was calm and measured even though her fear was growing to epic proportions, "you've got yourself into a difficult situation but it's not impossible to get out of it if you think very carefully and do the right things." She flinched as the aching and cramping in her abdomen increased and she shuffled to make herself more comfortable. "What we need to do now is to work out the best way to help you out of this situation, making sure no one else gets hurt."

"I'm not here for a fucking hostage showdown!" Andy cried, "I don't want a plane to the Mediterranean, or ten thousand pounds in unmarked notes, I just wanted to –" he passed as he turned to Arnie and swallowed, "to clean up my mess."

"You came back to finish the job," Simon whispered, looking briefly at the state of Arnie in the bed before his eyes turned back to Keats, now slumped against the wall, whimpering a little as he tried to cling onto consciousness. His breathing was fast and shallow and he could barely comprehend anything but the pain.

Kim hadn't been privy to Arnie's previous exposition but she could fill in the gaps.

"Your job went wrong," she guessed, "and you came back to make sure that this man couldn't talk." She saw Simon nod slightly. "I want you to think about this logically, Andy. He's already spoken. There's no taking that back now. If you were to complete the job and kill him it wouldn't be taking away the evidence against you, it would just be adding more to it _and_ you'd be doing it in front of several credible witnesses." She swallowed and took a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to let her hands drop from their overhead position and to clutch her hurting abdomen but she didn't have that option. "Other people will have heard the gunshots, Andy. There will be further officers on the way. If we can finish this quickly and you walk out of here of your own choice then you'll stand a much better chance of coming out of this with at least a little of your life left to live. But if you kill this man in front of us there will be so many witnesses that you may never walk free again. The faster you give this up, the better it will be for you."

"It's already too late for me after all I've done," Andy blabbed before he could stop himself. He looked around, moving the line of his gun from one person to another. "It's not easy, you know. Coming out of the shadows."

Kim's heart raced. It had been some time before she'd had to put those skills into action. She hoped she hadn't lost it.

"Nick Nailer left a big shadow," she agreed with him, "didn't he?"

"He's not the only figure in the way of the sun," Andy snapped, "Nailer vanishes and suddenly all the wannabes step out into the light."

"Like Frank Henderson?" Simon asked and Andy's stare turned to him.

"We're partners, alright?" he cried, "it's not like I'm doing all his dirty work!"

"Just the killing, right?"

"No fucking comment."

"What about the syringe?" Simon asked, "if we tested the contents of that then what kind of comment would it make?"

Andy swallowed and glanced at the needle lying on the floor. He swallowed hard and then stamped on it, splitting the needle and spilling liquid across the floor.

"Nothing," he barked, "absolutely sod all." He aimed his gun squarely at Simon's head, making him gasp and raise his hands a little higher. "Let's remember who's got the gun here, OK? I'm not here to talk. I don't want a fucking therapy session or an appointment with a vocational guidance counsellor!"

"Then you need to tell us what you _do_ want," Kim told him calmly, "so that we can get out of here as quickly as possible." She paused and glanced at Keats whose eyes were closed and whose breathing was as fast and shallow as before. The amount of blood had increased, staining a good proportion of his shirt and starting to pool on the floor around him. "There's an injured man here. Let him go first."

"No one's going anywhere until I decide what I want to do," Andy paced, clutching his gun in one hand and running the other through his hair.

"If he dies while you're thinking about it then that will be a count of manslaughter to add to whatever you're already facing," Kim pointed out, "let us take him outside." She paused and listened. "I can already hear people moving around out there. They'll be trying to work out what's happening in here and how to deal with the situation. If we can resolve it before they try then this will look much better for you, Andy."

Robin looked at Kim. Her tone was calm but her expression showed that her pain was increasing, and with it so did Robin's fear.

"Look," he began quietly, "DCI Stringer has just undergone a medical procedure and needs to rest. That's on top of the condition of the man you've shot. Talk to her, let her help you. Let's finish this as soon as possible for everyone's sake."

"At least let DCI Keats go," Kim said firmly, "He's the man you shot and he's going to bleed to death if you don't let him go."

Simon felt horribly sick as he watched Keats finally slump down and slip into unconsciousness, no longer able to stand the pain and the loss of blood.

"Please," he whispered, "Let him go. Let them treat him."

Andy hesitated for what felt like an eternity before finally he nodded.

"What if they shoot me when you open the door?" he hissed

"They won't," Kim said reassuringly, "there are too many innocent people in here, they won't risk a shot.

Andy swallowed.

"OK."

"OK?"

"Take him out."

"Someone will have to go with him," Kim said seriously, "to carry him. And after they leave the room they won't let them back." She paused as she saw his expression change and his agreement fade. "You'll still have 3 of us here," she reminded him, "you don't need everyone to stay. By letting them go you'll be showing that you're working with us. It'll buy you more time to work out what to do."

Andy hesitated for a long time. Finally he swallowed and nodded.

"Do it," he whispered.

Kim turned to Robin.

"Rob," she whispered, "take him out."

"No," Robin shook his head.

"Rob, get _out_ of here," Kim hissed.

"I'm not leaving you."

"I'm trying to keep you _safe!"_

"I don't want to go," Robin told her. His eyes flicked up to Simon who looked pale and scared, his eyes fixed on Keats, awash with emotions that he was trying to fight. "But _he_ does." He nodded to Simon. "Simon. Go with him."

Simon turned to Robin, shocked by his words.

"What?"

"Go on," Robin nodded towards Keats, "go with him."

Simon swallowed, he felt like he wanted to cry even though he wasn't sure why. He nodded hesitantly then looked to Andy for confirmation.

"Alright," he hissed, "take him out. Quickly. And shut the door behind you. I don't want anyone seeing in here."

"Alright," Simon said quietly and lowered his hands as he moved quickly across to Keats. He knelt down beside him and his stomach churned at the sight. "_Shit_," he breathed. Keats's breathing had grown increasingly shallow and his skin felt clammy and cold to the touch as Simon's hand swept gently over his forehead.

"He's been _shot_, he hasn't got the _flu,"_ Kim hissed.

_"I know that!"_

"_Hurry up!"_ Andy barked and Simon nodded.

"Sorry," he mumbled. He slowly slid one arm beneath Keats's neck and the other in the crook of his knees before staggering to his feet, not without some difficulty. He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, willing Keats silently to hold on a little longer, then he bent his knees slightly to allow his hand to grasp the door handle . the weight of Keats's head on his arm made it difficult to turn but he just about succeeded and the door opened.

"Hurry _up!"_ Andy yelled and Simon moved through it so fast that he didn't even allow anybody the time to see what was happening outside of the room. Andy marched forward and slammed the door behind him, then turned to Kim, the gun just an inch from her head. She swallowed as she made sure her hands were raised as high as she could manage.

"Well done," she said quietly, "that was the first step to resolving this."

"There _is_ no way to resolve this," Andy hissed but a crackle of static made him jump and pulled his attention around to the radio still lying beside Arnie's bed.

"_DCI Shoebury_?" Jake's voice crackled through the speaker, "Come in, DCI Shoebury." There was a long pause in which Kim and Robin focused their eyes on Andy, waiting to see what he was going to say. "_If you can respond, come in."_

"They'll already know that something is happening," Kim reminded him, "if _we_ heard the gunshot so did the rest of the hospital." A sharp pain in her stomach caused her to flinch and despite her best attempts a hand dropped to her belly.

"Kim?" Robin whispered anxiously.

"I'm alright," Kim lied through gritted teeth.

"Hands _up!"_ Andy reminded herm, the gun aimed firmly in her direction.

"Alright, alright," she whispered as with a horrible realisation she could feel something starting to trickle down her leg. She closed he eyes and breathed in slowly and deeply. She had no option to deal with the situation first and foremost. "Andy, you've shown that you're co-operating by letting them go," she flinched and staggered slightly. Robin's eyes moved downward and widened at what he saw.

"Kim, you're –"

"_I know,"_ she hissed through gritted teeth, "I _know_, Rob."

"Kim…" he whispered, his face falling.

"It's OK," she whispered, swallowing to fight away tears.

"You're bleeding."

Andy stared at Kim, stepping back in horror.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" he cried.

"I need to see a doctor to find that out," Kim's voice trembled, "so let's help you work out how to end this first." She swallowed, "I can take that radio and speak with my colleagues. I can tell them that you are co-operating and prepared to make a deal."

"What sort of a deal?"

Kim struggled to focus.

"You know about the other fish fighting over the bait," she said, "it's true that you're already in a serious amount of trouble for what you've done. We know that you attempted to kill this man. But _attempted_ murder is as far as your charges stand right now. Give us more information on the man you've been working with and the other threats on the street and you could find that your list of charges remains that small." She swallowed, "otherwise you could be facing some far heavier charges. I'll back you up. I'll say you co-operated at every step of the way. Chief Inspector Thomas will do the same."

Robin swallowed and nodded but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Kim's deteriorating condition.

"Of course," he whispered.

"But we need to find out how far things have gone," Kim said quietly, "you could just walk away right now. We need to find out whether back-up has arrived already and make sure they know you're co-operating.

Andy swallowed shakily. He glanced toward the window then pointed his gun at Robin.

"You," he snapped, _"flop-hair_, Go and check out of the window."

Robin hesitated, glancing at Kim who nodded.

"Alright," he said quietly. He walked slowly toward the window and hesitated as he reached it. He pulled against the rope but no hard enough. Making a big show of it, he tugged again. The blind moved just enough for him to see a glimpse of armed officers around Alex and Gene, their guns aimed at the window.

"Problem?" Andy hissed and Robin spun around.

"It's the blinds," he bluffed, "they're stuck."

"Don't be so stupid," Andy scowled.

"They _are_, they won't budge!" Robin protested.

"Pull them!"

"I _am!"_ Robin wasn't sure his acting skills were very good but he tried his best, "I can't do it!

"You must be pulling the wrong part," Andy huffed.

"_You_ do it then!"

Forgetting where he was for a moment Andy marched over and gave a sharp tug on the blinds, opening them up and exposing the room.

"_There,"_ he barked as Robin caught the flash of red laser sight against Andy's chest and turned to Kim.

"_Down!"_ he cried as he dropped to the floor and Kim did the same.

"What –" Andy turned to the window and found the worst case scenario facing in his direction, then immediately the mistake dawned on him like a box of plates crashing out of the cupboard; "_Shit –"_

There were two shots in quick succession; the first shattering the window and the second burying itself in his shoulder. As he screamed and dropped the door burst open and more officers burst in, guns aimed in his direction. Robin slowly rose and shook off the shattered glass from his back as he watched officers surrounding Andy, cuffing him and reading him his rights but he barely took notice of the commotion. He was far more concerned by Kim crumpled on the floor.

"Help _her!"_ he demanded, "she's pregnant, she's bleeding –"

Medical assistance arrived, moving both towards the shot suspect and to Kim while Robin stood, his hands to his head, swaying from side to side in distress. He barely noticed Alex and Gene arriving in the doorway until he heard Alex ask,

"Robin, what's happened to her?"

"I don't know," he whispered.

"Your neck's bleeding," Alex told him.

Robin reached around and flinched as he realised there were a couple of small glass fragments in his skin. He hadn't even felt them.

"I don't care," he whispered, "I just want Kim to be OK."

"We're looking after her," a doctor assured him but Robin shook his head. The feeling of doom that Kim had already expressed seemed to be catching because Robin felt it too.

He sank to the ground with his head in his hands and felt a boulder growing in his chest that wouldn't let him breathe. His mind echoed Kim's dark words.

"_I don't have a very good feeling about this,"_ he whispered.


	19. Chapter 18: Only Human

**Chapter 18**

Gene hovered at the door, staring at Simon sitting beside the bed and shook his head. He turned around and looked at Alex.

"Nope. Can't do it Bols. Me skin's crawling even thinking about it."

"Oh for goodness sake, he's just sitting next to the bed," Alex admonished but Gene shook his head again.

"Prat and a half won't listen to me about steering clear of the Jimbo twins," he said, "he's not getting me encouragement."

"You're not encouraging him by walking in a _room_, Gene," Alex sighed but Gene's mind was made up. Simon glanced around, hearing the voices, just in time to see Gene walking away. Alex hesitated, unsure whether to follow Gene or to speak to Simon and eventually the lost look on Simon's face made her opt for the latter. She stepped cautiously into the room. The sight of Keats in the bed hooked up to various machines turned her cold. She wasn't sure which memory haunted her more, the memory of her rape or knowing that the last time Keats had been unconscious he'd travelled back to the real world to attack people that she loved. She tried to block out the sight of Keats and turned to Simon instead. "What's the news?" she asked, secretly hoping for it to be dire.

"They're worried about how much blood he lost," Simon told her, "they managed to get the bullet out cleanly but," he turned back to the bed, "he doesn't seem to be very strong physically." He closed his eyes and sighed, "do you think that could be to do with his title being taken away?"

"It could be connected," Alex told him quietly, "yes."

Simon turned back to the bed, watching Keats's motionless body.

"Gene's not happy with me," he said quietly, "is he?"

Alex swallowed.

"Can you blame him?"

Simon closed his eyes.

"Not really," he said quietly.

"Simon," she said quietly, "the man in that bed has caused us all more damage than anyone else we've ever met. We all know that. You can't blame us for feeling his way."

"I don't," Simon said quietly, "I just wish…" he flinched, "I wish you could understand what I'm trying to do."

Alex hesitated.

"I understand that you turn red and cross your legs every time he's mentioned," she said quietly, observing that the mere mention of it set Simon off again. "Case in point"

"_Shit,"_ Simon turned around feeling ashamed and humiliated.

"We're worried about you," Alex told him and Simon swallowed.

"I know," he said quietly, "but I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?"

Simon looked Alex in the eye but he couldn't reassure her. He wasn't sure he believed it himself and he couldn't lie to her so he changed the subject. "How's Kim?"

Alex's expression became dark and her eyes grew sad and distant.

"Simon," she said quietly, "something's happened."

Alex didn't need to say another word.

"Oh _no,"_ Simon whispered. He swallowed and stared at her, "how are they?"

"They had to take Kim to surgery," she whispered, "with her history it was safer than waiting for things to happen by themselves. Robin's waiting. He wants to talk to you."

"OK, I'm coming," Simon nodded. He grabbed his coat from the back to the chair and followed Alex to the door, glancing behind him at Keats. He closed his eyes for a second and whispered, "_wake up, OK?"_ His heart sank as he took note of his state, then hanging his head he trailed out after Alex.

The machine beeped as Keats's heart thumped. He listened for the footsteps to disappear before he cautiously opened one eye and looked around. No Simon. Not any more. He closed his eyes again. Simon's voice had been the first sound he heard as he came round. Keats didn't want to open his eyes in case he went away. So he'd stayed there, feigning sleep until something else pulled Simon from the room. He couldn't make out Alex and Simon's hushed conversation but he'd heard Simon's parting words loud and clear.

"_I did,"_ he whispered. He felt fairly sure he had Simon to thank for that.

~xXx~

The sight of Robin, head in hands, made Simon want to cry. He walked slowly toward him but even though Robin heard the footsteps he barely looked up.

"Rob," Simon whispered, "I'm so sorry."

Even though Robin lifted his head a little he didn't look at Simon.

"It happened again, Simon," he said in hushed tones, "_again_. She's lost it."

"Rob," Simon choked as he tried to hold in tears. He walked slowly forwards and knelt down by his side, wrapping his arms around Robin's neck. He could feel a damp spot emerging on the shoulder of his shirt as Robin let a few tears spill out. "I'm so sorry."

"They don't think it was necessarily the procedure," Robin whispered, "although it probably didn't help. That combined with the stress of Keats bursting in, then the gunshot and Andy in the hospital room," he shook his head. "_Fuck_. They can't tell us why it happened. Everything was fine and normal when they scanned her yesterday. Why does she have to go through this again? Why do we both?"

"I don't know," Simon rubbed his back gently, "I don't know, Rob. It's so unfair."

Robin sniffed as he tried to stop crying.

"And then I think maybe it was for the best," he whispered, "because… you know… there's a chance…" he flinched, "who am I fucking kidding? Inside we both thought there was more chance of it being Keats's baby than mine. Even if we didn't say it out loud we were both behaving as thought it was. And then I start thinking maybe we brought this on ourselves –"

"Oh, Rob –"

"Because we thought it was his, maybe it's our fault –"

"Stop right there," Simon pulled back and looked Robin in the eye, "you and Kim did nothing wrong. Do you hear me? Anyone in your position would have gone through the same thoughts and actions. You both did the best that you could."

"This whole thing has been awful, Si," Robin admitted quietly, "The last two days have been a nightmare."

"I can't imagine what you've both gone through," Simon shook his head slowly.

"I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to help her through this," Robin whispered, "when I'm sitting here falling apart."

Simon held Robin's hand and pushed up his chin to make him look him in the eye.

"Rob," he said quietly, "you'll help each other. Because that's what you do. I've only seen you together for a short time but it's plain to see." Although it still hurt to admit it Simon had to say, "you need one another. You and Kim… you're a pair."

Robin looked down with a sad smile across his face.

"Yeah," he whispered. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to calm himself down a little. He looked at Simon. "How's…" he closed his eyes, unable to even say the name, "how's _he_ doing?"

"Keats?" Simon asked quietly, "he's stable but not regained consciousness yet." Simon shook his head, "Lost a lot of blood. "

Robin bit his lip nervously.

"He came in Kim's room," he said quietly, "had a sort of a breakdown."

"What?"

"That's where he was when we heard the shot," Robin explained, "that's why he came with us."

"I did wonder," Simon told him. He paused nervously. "What do you mean by a breakdown. Rob?"

"He knew about the baby," Robin said quietly, "god knows how. He came in and started challenging Kim about it but he…" he flinched, "he changed. He turned. I've never seen him like it before. He was weak, he was…"

Simon stared at Robin.

"Human?" he whispered and Robin slowly looked down.

"Pretty much," he whispered.

Simon swallowed.

"What did he say?" he whispered.

"He was talking about the baby," Robin said quietly, "and about Kim." He bit his lip again. "Kim… really is the one person he's ever loved," he looked at Simon, "isn't she?"

Simon closed his eyes.

"Yeah," he said quietly, the admission hurting both of them but in very different ways.

Robin rubbed his eyes.

"He started talking about our father, " he said quietly, "it was weird. I've never seen him like that."

Simon moved from the floor to the chair beside Robin.

"_I_ have," he said softly and Robin turned to him.

"Tell me the truth, Simon," he whispered, "what's really going on between you and Keats?"

"Nothing," Simon said quietly.

"It didn't look like nothing when he was shot, Si," Robin admitted as much as it pained him, "I saw tour face. I've never seen you look like that before."

Simon swallowed. He looked down as he tried to work things through in his own mind.

"I don't even know, Rob," he said quietly, "we have these… these moments. I can't seem to fight them."

"Do you _want_ to?" Robin asked and Simon felt his face flushing again.

"I used to," he whispered.

Robin looked at Simon's expression. He seemed ashamed, confused and anxious.

"You're really into him," he whispered, "aren't you?"

"Rob –"

"It's OK, I just want you to be honest with me."

Simon closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I don't know _what_ I am," he breathed, "I've spent so long fighting it. Everyone has it in their head that I look at him like some kind of substitute you. But I don't."

"I know," Robin said quietly.

"You do?"

Robin nodded.

"You don't look at a man the way you looked at Keats when that idiot with the gun forced a bullet at his guts that way without some genuine feeling," he said. He saw Simon's face burning up and prodded him further. "You don't _blush_ for nothing either."

"_Fuck,"_ Simon tried to turn away. He didn't even know how he felt about Keats himself. "Rob… it's really hard to know how I feel when I see that other side of him so rarely."

"But there's something about him?" Robin asked, "when he lets it show?"

Simon nodded slowly.

"I want to help him," he whispered.

Robin nodded.

"Simon," he whispered, "I won't pretend that I'm not worried about you and I won't pretend that I understand, but today.." he sighed "today was the first time I ever saw the human side. I mean properly. I don't count the outburst in court, that was so short-lived…" he hung his head. "You could do so much better than Keats," he said quietly, "I know considering what I've put you through I'm the last person who should lecture you about your love life –"

"It's hardly my love life," Simon shook his head.

"I'm just scared. I'm scared of you getting hurt." He paused, "physically as well as emotionally."

Simon gave him a half-smile.

"I know," he whispered, "and honestly, Rob, I appreciate it, I do." He closed his eyes, "but I don't think you have anything to worry about. I can't imagine Keats giving in to his human side. Doesn't matter how hard I try to help him."

"He seemed pretty human earlier," Robin told him gently.

Simon looked at him.

"He did?"

Robin nodded.

"I don't think you should give up, Simon," he whispered.

This was news to Simon.

"What?"

"You told me not to give up on Kim, and you were right," it pained Robin to say the words but he had to, "I've never seen you so dead set on anything as helping Keats." He bit his lip. "Keep going, Simon. You'd never forgive yourself of you stopped."

Simon swallowed. Robin was right and they both knew it."

"OK," he whispered, the tiniest smile on his face.

"Start with the young Keats," Robin told him, "I've had the test. They'll confirm my ID soon. Make whatever arrangements you need and I'll sign anything you want me to sign."

"Rob," Simon began but he didn't know where to go from there. He didn't know what else to say. There weren't really words. Instead he hugged him tightly, knowing that he was unlikely to have a more surreal conversation in his life.

"Robin?"

The hug was cut short by a doctor approaching.

"Yes?" Robin said quickly, scrambling to his feet.

"Kim's in recovery," the doctor told him, "she's asking for you."

Robin swallowed.

"Right," he whispered. He was starting to shake but a hand on his arm brought him just a little comfort.

"You'll be fine, Rob," Simon told him, "you both will."

Robin flashed Simon a grateful smile. Their romance might have been over but himself and Simon were finding a deep, loving friendship growing in its place.

As he watched Robin walk away, Simon knew that he and Kim would be alright. As for himself and Keats? He didn't know if he could ever say the same thing.


	20. Chapter 19: Remembrance

**Chapter 19**

Robin didn't want to walk through the door. He didn't want to see a broken Kim on the other side. There were few things that upset him more. Kim wasn't easily broken, she was as strong and tough as the boots she wore on her feet, but she had her limit and Robin feared she had to have struck it by now.

Slowly he opened the door and looked around.

"_Hey you,"_ his voice shook as he stared towards the bed. Kim seemed so small and lost under the blankets, her pale hair lying flat and listless instead of spiked and her face devoid of the metal adornments he was used to seeing. But as she turned to him her eyes reflected something that they'd been lacking earlier. Something they'd been lacking since the day before, from the moment Robin said the two fateful words; '_no scar'._ It had fight.

"Hi," she said, her voice low and a little croaky. She tried to prop herself up on one arm as Robin crossed the room and sat beside her.

"No, Kim, don't sit up," he said quickly.

"They didn't remove my bloody arse you know," Kim told him, but the room was spinning so she had to lie back down again and prop her head up on her hand instead.

"Kim," Robin said quietly as he sat down beside her. He took her hand and squeezed it softly, glad that they at least hadn't removed her engagement ring.

"Rob, I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"Me too," Robin whispered, "but there's nothing you could have done differently. Neither either of us could."

"I know," Kim closed her eyes, "doesn't stop us wondering though, does it?"

Robin shook his head slowly.

"No," he whispered. He fought so hard to stop it but a tear escaped and made its way down his face. As he opened his eyes again he looked at Kim and whispered, "did we do the right thing?"

"What?"

"Getting the test?"

Kim swallowed.

"Even though the test can increase the risk it probably wasn't the cause," she whispered.

"Then what was?" Robin cried, his emotions beginning to pour out, "we'd only just found out…"

"Yes," Kim held his hand tightly, "I know. I've been over this again and again in my head. Was it the procedure or the stress or the gunman or is there something wrong with me -"

"Or me," Robin whispered but Kim shook her head.

"That's the thing, Rob," she whispered "as many times as I go over it I don't think there's any one thing that caused this. And I know that the timing… the fact that we'd only just found out… it was strange. But maybe for the best."

"You don't have to try to justify…"

"I'm not," Kim whispered. A tear rolled down her face, stopping as it reached her lips and she licked it away, "If we'd have found out weeks ago then imagine how much harder this would have been. I'm not saying it's not going to hurt, we both know that's not true, but this whole thing has felt so... _surreal_," she closed her eyes, "everything happened so fast. In a way it doesn't even feel real."

Robin bit his lip.

"No," he agreed, "it doesn't."

"Robin," she whispered. He looked at her and saw her starting to tremble terribly, "I wanted this to be your baby more than anything. But somehow I… I jjst can't stop thinking it was –"

"Don't say it," Robin whispered quickly, "please. It's too painful." But she could see in his eyes he'd thought the same thing. She bit her lip and looked down, rubbing her thumb back and forth over the back of his hand.

"Two days ago I thought I could never have a baby," she whispered, "I thought we were never going to have the chance of being a family. Now I know that we can. And," she looked at him as another tear escaped from her eye, "and despite everything that's happened in the past I know that we'll do it, Rob. We're going to have a baby, and when we do it's going to be the happiest time of our life, it's not going to be under horrible circumstances beyond our control, OK?" he made him look her in the eye, "OK?"

Robin swallowed, unable to stop himself from crying any longer.

"But every time –"

"It's never been the right time," Kim whispered, "Rob, imagine if things had been different. What if we'd had a baby out there and then we'd both died? It's hard enough knowing I will never see my boys again. But I'd been allowed so little access, I suppose…" she flinched, "I suppose… as cruel as it sounds… that's what happened with Alex and Molly. After she was here for so long," she sniffed, trying to keep her voice calm, "the pain became a little easier to deal with. And because I'd been able to see my boys so rarely since I split up with Linda it didn't hurt so much when I came here. It still makes my heart break every day but… _shit,"_ she shook her head, "if we'd had a child and then we both came here… can you imagine?"

Robin swallowed. He nodded slowly.

"Shit," he whispered. He'd never thought of it like that before.

"And this time around," she said, her voice shaking, "look at what we've been through just since we found out. I don't want to bring a child into the world where there'll always be that cloud hanging over the pregnancy and a question mark over… over…" she couldn't finish that sentence.

"No," Robin whispered, "no, you are right. I know that." She closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers. "But it still hurts"

"Yes," Kim whispered, "it does. It's going to hurt for a really long time, we both know that. It's always going to be there in the background but it gets easier. We've been through this before and we know that's true. And," she swallowed and looked at Robin sincerely, "One day something's going to help all this hurt to fade. Because we're going to wake up one day and you'll be throwing up and cooking beans –" she paused while a choked laugh burst forth from Robin's tears unexpectedly, "and I'll be getting all pissed off with you and looking up your symptoms and eventually one of us will realise what's going on…"

"Probably not, probably _Alex_ will," Robin laughed sadly.

"God, yes, we're too stupid to notice," Kim agreed, wiping her eye gently, "Alex will start getting mad at us , like, '_You two, does none of this sound familiar to you?'…_ and then we'll realise and you'll go and get a test…"

"Because that seems to be my job," Robin said with a wavering smile.

"…and the next time I take one," Kim's voice started to give out, "when the line appears… it'll only be a good thing. And we'll scream and cry and hug and then we'll end up probably in bed –"

"Or on your desk," Robin couldn't help pointing out, "depends where you end up testing."

"And probably someone will walk in at an inappropriate moment," Kim continued.

"Yeah probably –"

"_- Alex,"_ they finished in unison, both laughing softly as they recalled the number of times she'd run from their doorway, clutching her head in distress.

"And then we'll have to explain that we're celebrating," Kim concluded softly as Robin nodded and swallowed.

"And then," he whispered, "I'll take you home. And I'll just look after you."

"And I'll kick your arse if you try," Kim smiled.

"I don't care, I'm still doing it," Robin told her. He drew back a little and parted the bleached fringe that had fallen across her brow. "I'll cook everything you're craving."

"Unless you're stuck with the cravings, "Kim whispered, her smile fading as her strength began to dissolve.

"Even so," Robin whispered, "whatever you want, I'll cook for you, whenever you want. I'll make sure you're eating well. I'll buy you an advent calendar for every day of the month if you want."

"We'll fight over names," Kim whispered.

"And painting the nursery."

"No we won't, we'll compromise," Kim sniffed, "like the christmas decorations."

"Simon will be running around with his hands over his ears because he can't stand the thought of us reproducing."

Kim gave a loud, sobbing laugh.

"And the Guv will be wondering how you worked out where to stick it," she said. Their expressions slowly fell as sadness and darkness overcame them and slowly they fell into a long, tight embrace. "And one day," Kim whispered eventually, her voice broken by tears, "we'll be the best parents." She closed her eyes and clung to Robin for dear life. "Just not today."

As Robin held her and they both gave in to tears he felt eternally grateful for Kim's strength. He'd thought he had to be there to hold her up and keep her strong, but that was something they did for one another without even trying. It was something they'd done from the moment they became close.

The past two days had been two of the hardest they'd ever been through and there would be many dark days and tears to come but they would get through them together. And ultimately, Kim was right.

When that day came they would be the best parents. It just wasn't today.

~xXx~

There was a sober silence over Alex and Gene as he took out the scotch and poured them both measures that were generous even by his standards. He pressed one into Alex's hand and she nodded slowly. She tried to smile but somehow didn't succeed.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Gene parked his backside on the edge of his desk and swilled the liquid around in the glass he was holding.

"Not going to say it's for the best, but –" he began. He trailed off and looked down. two years ago that's exactly what he'd said, except he'd put it even more bluntly. It was moments like that which made him see how far he'd come in any given space of time. He'd been through a hell of a lot over those two years. Hell, they _both_ had. So had the rest of the men and women who passed through the doors of that station. "Stringer's going to survive, you know."

Alex nodded but found it difficult to lift her eyes.

"I know," she said quietly, "that's what she does. I mean, that's all she _ever_ does." She flinched, "_survives."_

"Someone's got to, Bolly," Gene told her. He eyed the reverse letters of his name through the glass on the door. It wasn't always going to be his name on there, he knew that. He needed to know whose would take its place and he had a fairly good idea. "You ever get the feeling we're surplus to requirements, Bols?"

Alex finally looked up. His question had taken her by surprise.

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

"Shoebury, Batman and Metal Mickey," Gene stared into his glass again, "all staring down the barrel of that gun. And where were we?" he puffed out his breath as he looked up. "Stuck in the ruddy car park with a pair of binoculars."

"It was all down to luck, Gene, Alex told him, "Right place at the right time." She reconsidered, "wrong place at the wrong time."

"Had it right the first time," Gene told her, "Stringer's hostage bloody negotiation skills… Knowing Shoebury's inability to shut his trap he'd be full of holes by now."

"Like Keats you mean?" Alex asked and Gene grew visibly uncomfortable.

"Two Jimbos in one hospital," he said, "those doctors managed to find a heart in either of them yet?"

Alex didn't really want to talk about Keats any more than Gene did. She sipped her scotch and concentrated on her breathing for a few moments. Sometimes it shocked her even now how real the world was. It wasn't the world she was born into but it was the world she'd inherited. The pain was every bit as real as the other side of the line.

"Do you think they'll be OK?" she whispered.

"Are you thinking about Kim?" Gene asked. Before Alex could reply he added, "I don't mean Stringer." She looked at him with a curious frown. "The sprog."

Alex felt her heart skip a beat. She had almost forgotten that she'd confided to Gene the name she'd mentally picked out for their baby. The name she'd never been able to give her. She nodded and looked away.

"I can't help it," she whispered.

Gene hesitated.

"Me neither," he admitted eventually. He sank a lot of his scotch and sat the glass on the table before he looked at Alex again. "Bolly," he said, "maybe they won't be 'OK'. But they'll survive. Just like we did. Just like we do every day." He sighed, "and one day we're going to have to turn Shoebury's office into a bloody crèche to cope with all the ruddy offspring running around. Until then," he picked up his glass again and held it forward. "We remember."

Alex stared back at him and swallowed back a tear. She nodded and held out her glass to touch his.

"_Always remember,"_ she whispered.

**The End**

**~xXx~**

_**A/N: Thank you so much for reading this fic. You've no idea how cathartic writing this has been in the last few weeks. Tomorrow I'll be posting the epilogue along with the first chapter of the next fic which, unbelievably, is fluff :-/ I just… it doesn't feel right somehow! But yes, festive Christmas fluff! In March! Lovely :D**_


	21. Epilogue: A Better Tomorrow

**Epilogue**

Slowly his dream let him go and Keats opened his eyes. It took a few attempts, just as it had the day before and the day before that. Since he'd woken up he'd been struggling not just physically but emotionally and mentally. Every day he awoke and the first thing to happen was the onset of memories and emotions, not dissimilar to the experience Kim had while under his control. It would take him a moment to push them away usually accompanied by an angry growl that the doctors mistook for needing more pain relief.

"So you _do_ wake up _sometimes_ then."

_Fuck_. The voice made Keats freeze up. It was the last thing he had been expecting. He swallowed and tried to work on fighting the dreaded morning memories that were pushing their way into his skull but he was too distracted when he knew who was sitting by his side.

Very slowly he turned around. There he was, the owner of the voice; a voice which had been one of several plaguing Keats's thoughts in recent days.

"_Simon_," he shivered in horror as he realised how breathy his voice sounded. _Shit, pull yourself together_. Keats straightened his face and stared at him. "I don't suppose you had the decency to bring me grapes?"

"I did as it happens," Simon told him quietly. He pointed to a blue and white striped bag on the cabinet beside him and Keats's eyebrows rose in genuine surprise. He couldn't remember a time anyone had brought him a gift. Not one that wasn't poisoned, anyway.

"I should bloody think so too," he muttered, "number of times I've brought them for other people."

"Yeah," Simon said quietly. He breathed out slowly. "I believe that was how we met, in fact."

Keats frowned. That was true enough, but the conversation wasn't making a lot of sense in other respects.

"I didn't expect you to want a trip down memory lane, Simon," he scowled.

"I'm not here for one," Simon sighed and got to his feet. In that second Keats began to panic and before he could stop himself he cried,

"Where are you going?"

Simon stopped mid-turn, half-facing the door. He looked back at Keats,

"I just wanted to make sure you were OK," he said, "and you are."

"So you're just going to walk away?"

Simon hesitated and swallowed as the hairs on the back of his neck started to stand on end. This didn't sound like Keats. No - correction, it _did_ sound like Keats, it sounded like a Keats he'd only ever seen one night; a broken Keats, devastated by Kim going back to the real world. A lost and lonely Keats, a Keats who seemed to have developed emotions. The Keats in front of Simon was starting to look somewhat familiar after all. He wasn't sure what to do for a moment, but finally he turned back and slipped into the chair again.

"What do you want?" he asked quietly.

Keats swallowed. He wasn't even sure.

"Stuck in here with no one to talk to all day," he said, his voice surprisingly quiet, "even _you're_ better than nothing."

Simon opened his mouth to respond to Keats's insult but at the last minute he stopped himself. There was something else he wanted to say, a comparison that sprang to mind.

"Stuck by yourself. Like your young counterpart?" he asked, watching Keats's face drop instantly. For a moment his eyes seemed to gloss over, then he straightened his expression.

"How is he?"

"You should know," Simon pointed out.

"What if I need a bit of help with my memory?"

Simon closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Keats," he began, "he's doing fine. And he'll continue to do fine from now on," he swallowed, "without you."

Keats stared at Simon, waiting for his words to suddenly develop meaning but they didn't. Eventually he had to ask,

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Simon stared at Keats and for a moment he felt the slightest pang of guilt. He looked downward and clutched his hands together.

"That… that was the _other_ reason I came," he admitted, "but you had enough to deal with. I couldn't..." He looked back at Keats. "After being confirmed as… as young James Keats's next of kin, Robin was awarded control of his care and has allowed me to sign him over to a long term rehabilitation facility where he'll have proper support, psychologically as well as physically." He swallowed, daunted by the cold eyes fixed upon him. "I'm sorry," Simon whispered, "I had to do it. It was the best thing for him," he hesitated, "for you."

Simon could see Keats twitching and trembling as he started, his gaze becoming ever more angry and unstable. His teeth were clenched and his fists followed suit. Simon wondered whether it would be safest to just get up and walk away, to escape whatever was coming next, but he didn't. He stayed where he was as Keats hissed,

"_Bullshit."_

"It's true," Simon protested, "It happened yesterday."

"I don't believe for one minute that –" Keats began, trying to get up but the pain in his stomach dragged him back to the bed. "_Shit…"_

"He's gone, Keats," Simon told him quietly, "I'd already made the arrangements, all it took was Robin's signature on the form. It's the full deal, extensive psychological rehabilitation and counselling to overcome everything he's gone through and everything he's going to face… nothing like the shitty rehabilitation you went through, getting the body stronger while leaving the mind to fend for itself," he swallowed, "I read all your files, you know. After you died. Over there."

"After you _killed_ me, you mean," Keats spat.

"_You_ tried to kill _me!"_ Simon cried, "and Alex!"

"A minor detail, nitpicker."

Simon swallowed and shook his head.

"Maybe if you'd been given the same amount of attention for your mental state as you were for the physical one things could have turned out very differently for you," Simon told him, "maybe they will for him. Maybe he can actually have a life instead of an existence."

Keats eyed him, still trembling.

"And who," he began sarcastically, "is paying for this little _emotional spa_ idea of yours?" he sneered.

Simon felt himself heat up all over.

"The insurance from his previous station will cough up for some of it from the insurance," he mumbled, "considering the circumstances."

"And the rest of it?" Keats waited but Simon seemed reluctant to answer. He frowned and felt a very strange bubbling sensation in his chest. "Not _you?"_ As Simon hung his head in embarrassment Keats gave a raucous laugh. "Oh dear _god_, Simon, what do you think you're doing?"

"Saving you," Simon whispered.

"I don't need a knight in shining armour," Keats cried.

"But you did," Simon whispered, "all those years ago. When you were where he is now." He waited for Keats to react but he said nothing so Simon slowly got to his feet. "Well," he said quietly, "that's all I had to say. I'm glad you're recovering."

"But the tests," Keats cried as Simon took a step towards the door, "what about my DNA resemblance?"

"It wasn't a 'resemblance', it was _identical!"_ Simon reminded him, "they didn't buy that. They thought you'd fixed it." He flinched, "I told them as much."

"Great. _Well done. _Thank you, Simon," Keats pouted and turned away. His anger was growing and Simon knew it was time to make a fast exit.

"Goodbye, Keats," he whispered and continued to walk towards the doorway when he heard Keats voice again. This time it was lower, quieter. It caught Simon by the heart.

"What about the baby?"

Simon visibly flinched. He turned around slowly, his lip wavering.

"Pardon?" he whispered.

"The other test," Keats stared at him, "Can't tell me results on that one aren't back yet."

Simon swallowed.

"Kim and Robin decided not to go ahead with the testing," he whispered, "they said the result wouldn't make them feel better either way."

"What?" Keats looked blank for a moment. He stared at Simon, waiting for further explanation, "she's just going to have it and never know if it's mine?" A trail of goosebumps covered his arms as he watched Simon hang his head and a big, icy boulder grew inside of him. He swallowed very hard and whispered, "She's lost it. Hasn't she?"

Simon tried desperately to keep a check on his emotions and hold them back as he drew in a deep breath and looked at Keats just for a second.

"_I'm sorry,"_ he whispered.

The pause that followed was laden with sadness, shock and things that neither knew how to say or even whether to try. Simon braved a look at Keats. His face seemed frozen in time yet the rest of his body was shaking. His eyes were wide and his lips slightly parted as though words of distress were desperate to burst forth but he just wouldn't let them. To Simon's shock one tear travelled from Keats's eye and fell down his face. He didn't react to it. Perhaps he hadn't even noticed. Simon swallowed and shuffled on the spot, still at just as much of a loss to know what to say or do. Eventually he whispered, "_I'm sorry,"_ again but Keats still didn't respond

He'd run out of words. He had no idea what else to say. So he turned around and walked very slowly from the room, his heart heavy, both for Keats and for the loss his friends had been through. He couldn't begin to imagine the pain Kim and Robin were feeling but from the look on Keats's face they weren't the only ones.

When he reached the corridor he stopped and leaned back against the wall, breathing heavily, his eyes squeezed tightly closed. Everything about the week had been full of sadness and trauma and he felt as though it was all choking him. He tried to slow his breathing, to keep calm, and eventually he opened his eyes and prepared to walk away but there was an unusual sound coming from Keats's room and he stopped to listen. It took several moments for Simon to realise it was sobbing.

He peered cautiously around the door frame and found Keats with his head bowed and his hands to his face while his body shook and convulsed with angry tears. In all the time that they'd known one another all the times they'd clashed, all of the confrontations and the times that it has spilled over into something more Simon had never once seen Keats in a genuine flood of tears. Had he even seen one fall from his eye? He wasn't sure, but he'd certainly never seen anything like this. He didn't know what to do. It seemed Keats didn't either. His tears were streaming and his voice desperate as he cried again and again,

"Oh _god…_ oh _god, no –"_

Simon swallowed. He started to tremble and felt surprisingly scared as he tiptoed back. He wasn't sure about what he was doing, not sure at all, but the mess of Keats in front of him made a compelling case.

Gently Simon sat down beside him on the edge of the bed and stretched an arm around him pulling Keats's head to his chest where he held him while he succumbed to the unfamiliar and very human act of crying. Simon didn't say a word; he didn't know what he could even say. So he simply held him silently until eventually, when almost half an hour had past, Keats was all cried out and fell asleep through sheer exhaustion. Simon sat still for some time, making sure that Keats wasn't going to wake up until he finally peeled him from his chest and laid him back against his pillows.

Simon stood up feeling just as drained emotionally, his own eyes full of unfallen tears. His shirt was sodden and he was hot and sweaty from the body-heat he'd been swamped by. He untucked his shirt and fanned it back and forth a little as though expecting instantaneous drying which wasn't going to happen, then he looked one last time at Keats, bowed his head and left the room.

When he tried to visit the next day Keats was gone, nowhere to be found.

Somehow Simon wasn't surprised.

~xXx~

"_Gene!_ Have you already eaten tomorrow's chocolate?!"

Gene wiped the tell-tale brown residue from his lip and put on an innocent expression.

"Don't look at me, Bols."

"I am looking at you and you've just been chewing it."

Gene swallowed the remnants of the chocolate.

"It was a sprout," he lied.

"Oh _bollocks_ it was," Alex cried in exasperation, "what's the point of having an advent calendar if you don't open the windows on the right days?"

"If I recall correctly a certain posh tart didn't even approve of me having an advent calendar," Gene commented much to Alex's annoyance.

"That was before you started sharing the chocolate," she said, one eyebrow raised.

"Anyway," Gene said as he tossed the calendar to one side, "I'll be glad to get tomorrow over with. Some bloody countdown. Twenty four days o' pain and misery."

Alex sighed but she couldn't disagree with that statement. December had been a difficult month for all of them. Now they'd reached the day before Christmas Eve and the team were blindly hoping for a merry Christmas to take away a little of the difficult times they'd been through.

"You're only saying that because you think I've got you a cyber-pet," she told him.

"They're called _tamagotchis_ and if there's not one under the tree then you're not getting yer stocking stuffed," Gene warned.

Alex smiled as she got to her feet, supped the last of her wine and hauled Gene up from the couch.

"Come on, Santa," she said, "let's have an early night since you'll be up all night tomorrow."

Gene paused.

"I will, will I?" he asked, "How literally do you mean that?"

Alex smirked.

"You'll have to wait and see," she said.

As she led him to the bedroom both felt relieved that Christmas was almost upon them and they could perhaps put some of the difficult times behind them, just for a while. December had been a terrible month in many ways but they had all survived and emerged stronger than ever.

Soon 1998 would begin and with a new year would come a fresh start. Until then there were festivities to face. And despite all the evidence to the contrary Alex had a good feeling about the next few days.

It was going to be a merry Christmas.

**The End**

**~xXx~**

_**A/N: First of all I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's been reading this story, it comes as a genuine surprise and thrill to see in my stats that so many of you are still joining me on this journey or have found it along the way. This whole world has become very special to me and has helped me through some really rough days, probably none moreso than while writing this story.**_

_**I wanted to just speak about that, and the sad theme surrounding the end of the story. I plan shockingly far in advance, I have everything planned for the next 2+ years to the end of the series, the timing of my own loss just as this story was starting seemed like a kick in the face. But it's ended up being extremely cathartic, it's helped me to pour pretty much all my emotions out. I often find it hard to talk to people about the most painful things that happen and I have used characters in stories to talk to one another about them instead. So in that way, the timing was perfect. I'm feeling much stronger now. Thank you for your support and patience.**_

_**Your reviews have been awesome and really help me to carry on writing - I love to read them! Jessie deserves a medal (and also for putting up with me shooting random messages about shipping people I'm not supposed to be shipping), Charlotte is the number 1 upcoming plot detective extraordinaire and Steph – you, missus have made me a very happy woman indeed :) which might explain the unexpected fluff ahead :-/ Huge thanks to everyone else who has reviewed; ashleighcheryl (Aaaah I love your reviews so much!), Sillivan (I am so impressed with you doing your homework through this story, seriously!) guest reviewers and people I've spoken to on Tumblr or by PM, thank you!**_

_**So, to the fluff :-/ I know, I know… Fluff. Hmm. Must be that Christmas spirit. In March but, whatever**__… __**The next, short fic is literally a break from all the doom and gloom, it's going to be fun, extremely shippy (seriously, practically everyone actually has good fortune in their love life for once) and fairly silly and surreal in places. Straight up, if you don't want to read shippy fluff you can skip the next story because the serious stuff continues with the next fic after that, you won't be missing any important plots! **_

_**I am hoping to post the first chapter tonight… we have now entered the fluff zone… wish me luck!**_


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